[ThisWayOut]

we started some art stuff today, and it related to history. new t knows I have an extensive abuse history, and that is goes very far back. she left only 20 minutes to do it in, and it triggered me really badly. I know she is new and still learning, but agh! I think she made an attempt to ground me, but she did not make sure the grounding worked. it has totally thrown me for the day. and I don't see her again for a week.
what's the best way to tell t that trauma stuff can't be opened and then effectively put away in 20 minutes? I know I should have declined doing the activity, but I didn't realize it would be so triggering.
also, unless we are grossly running over-time (like by an hour), it seems that sessions average about 30 minutes. She is late getting me, but we still wrap up before the next hour... feeling cheated on that front.

[guilloche]

Oh wow... I'm sorry. I'd definitely bring up the time issues... it's not fair for her to charge you and not give you the whole time. I'd probably lead with that the next time I saw her.

I'm sort of wondering... if she's not very experienced with trauma and abuse, and you have an extensive abuse history.... if maybe she's not the best fit? I just think you deserve good care, and if she doesn't really know what she's doing yet... it worries me!

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Oh wow... I'm sorry. I'd definitely bring up the time issues... it's not fair for her to charge you and not give you the whole time. I'd probably lead with that the next time I saw her.

I'm sort of wondering... if she's not very experienced with trauma and abuse, and you have an extensive abuse history.... if maybe she's not the best fit? I just think you deserve good care, and if she doesn't really know what she's doing yet... it worries me!

She is a student working at a community provider. I pay very little on a sliding scale because I can't afford anything else. I had been seeing another, more experienced T until she left the field recently. I know I will be moving (hopefully) soon, but I needed some more support before the move especially because it is open-ended at this time. I had originally planned on keeping things superficial with this T, but the trauma stuff is so heavily woven into everything, it;s nearly impossible to not cover. It's also something that is very much "in my face" at this time because I am back to living where much of it happened. I have been trying to find another t, but my choices are very, very limited.

I keep making it want to work with her, but every other session ends up being a huge mess. I'm not sure how to address it with her. I am not good at confrontation, or asserting myself, so I don't know how to bring any of this up to her. even the thought of writing it down and giving it to her is intimidating...

[guilloche]

I'm sorry, that sounds hard. I only have a little bit of trauma... and I know what you mean. I tried to avoid it in previous therapy, and surprisingly, got nowhere. It really does affect everything.

Would it be possible to reframe it at all? Rather than thinking of it as "confrontation" - to just consider it a discussion. In a way, bringing up issues is actually a gift to her, since she's a student - it's helping her learn to be better at her chosen career. And, it has the side effect of hopefully helping you too (win-win)!

For example, could you say something like... (start of session): "Hey there T. I really enjoy working with you, but I've noticed that we often start late. I know things happen, but this has been bugging me, especially when we end on time... my therapy time gets cut very short. Have you noticed this too?"

Hopefully at this point a lightbulb goes off for her... is she getting supervision at the clinic? If she's not getting it, I'd hope her supervisor could help out here!

I think the trauma and grounding stuff is even more important... and, as an objective 3rd party, I don't see how she could be upset or think it's confrontational if you bring it up (if that helps any). You might just mention to her, "I know I need to talk about my abuse history, and I'm so glad that you're willing to listen... but it's been really difficult for me to get into that, and then try to close it up again, when we only have 20 minutes for it." and see where the conversation goes from there?

Or, could you mention... "when we get into the abuse issues and don't leave enough time for grounding, I leave feeling upset and have trouble dealing with the other parts of my life. Could we try to leave at least XX minutes at the end of the session for grounding??"

(And, I really wish I had some brilliant grounding techniques to share with you here... !)

I wish I could help more... I'm sorry. I can imagine how hard it is trying to talk about this stuff with someone who is new to therapy. I hope she can give you a bit more support until you move and hopefully find someone more experienced!

[ThisWayOut]

I may just copy what you wrote. that is much better than anythign I can come up with in the moment. Thanks

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I may just copy what you wrote. that is much better than anythign I can come up with in the moment. Thanks

Glad to help, and feel free to copy any of it that helps!