Often when I've gone into that 'other place', I accuse T of enjoying my pain. T says you feel I'm being sadistic?
This has happened so many times over the years with her.
For some reason I was thinking about these times last night. When I awoke this morning, I was hit by the realisation, and memory of how my adoptive mother would sit with my pain with a small smile, but she could never sit with any joy I might be having.
I saw it as clear as day. I was able to place those accusations. It was true, that's what it was like.
I often suffer with guilt, afraid my now adult children had suffered thst too. T always says, no it was different for them, those were your experiences. But until you can remember it, you fear those were your actions too. But suddenly seeing 'it', I could step outside of it. Understand it, think about it, know that was my mother, it was never me, I've never enjoyed my children's pain, always felt love for their being able to have love, feel love.
When this stuff is unconscious, it infiltrates our life's in the here and now so much, remembering puts it in its place.
I love those insights

[dark_sweetie]

That's awesome mouse!!! So happy for you!!!! (:

[CantExplain]

Great insight!

[Aloneandafraid]

Thanks for sharing.