[Tangerine87]

T's back from a long vacation and I'm having severe abandonment fears. I find myself feeling afraid he's angry at me and will terminate. Why is this so hard for me? Does this happen to u guys too. What's your experience?

[NowhereUSA]

i haven't had t go on vacay but i have been terrified he's going to terminate just randomly. for about three months i swear every other week i was like 'this is it, he's going to be furious and hate me and ditch me!' and then i'd get to therapy and he was his regular self :P

right now i still feel it somewhat but i do a lot of fact checking to be like 'that doesn't even make sense.'

[CantExplain]

It is interesting that these fears are triggered by his return.
What does that mean, I wonder?

[Aloneandafraid]

I am having exactly the same fears and feelings - we have had an 8 week break as well and I have convinced myself she thinks i am a waste of time, it's pointless going back and she wants to terminate me. I would love to know how to begin processing this with her - should I just tell her? If I go back - at the moment I just cant see any point.

[HazelGirl]

It's really normal. But don't run away simply because your T took a vacation. She hasn't changed in the time that she has been gone and she won't dislike nor hate you.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

It's really normal. But don't run away simply because your T took a vacation. She hasn't changed in the time that she has been gone and she won't dislike nor hate you.

Thanks HazelGirl - Why do I feel so bad? Is it abandonment fear? I am a mess. I just feel so alone and isolated from her (she said we could email once a week while we had this long break but each time she just acknowledged my emails while I told her everything that was going on). Should I tell her how much this has hurt me? Am I just being stupid and over-reacting? I long for a connection but just don't feel it with her. I am so envious of your relationship with your T. Everytime i read your posts it makes me realise what i haven't got and never will have.

Im sorry - I am hijacking someone elses thread.

Aaa

[HazelGirl]

Yes, definitely talk about all it made you feel. I think your feelings are totally legitimate and real. I don't know why you don't want to go back, but fear of abandonment is one major possibility. The thing is, the only way you will know is if you go. If you quit now, you will never know what might happen. And although it seems easier to quit rather than having someone else quit on you, your perception is probably skewed by your past.

Yes I can relate to this so much.
I didn't see my T for nearly 7 weeks and when he got back, I kept thinking from the things he said that he didn't want me as a client. For instance he suggested another treatment that he doesn't do, and he asked me if I wanted to see him fortnightly instead of weekly. I took both of those questions very personally and the best thing I did was tell him how he made me feel. He was really taken aback and had no idea he had made me feel that way. Because I had told him how I feel he was able to offer me the reassurance I needed.