Therapist Double-Booked Herself

So before I say anything, just a brief history: I was very close to T1, who I worked with for a little over a year before I was sent to residential treatment. When I was discharged, the facility did not send me back to T1 and I was abruptly terminated and all communication severed. I worked with the residential facility's chosen therapist, T2, for a year. Because of the abrupt severed connection with T1, my trust issues were exacerbated. I recently was able to go back to T1 a few weeks ago and am working with her to mend out rocky termination and heal old wounds.

Today I went to my apt with T1. I was a little early so I sat in the waiting room. My therapist shares a suite with three other therapists but I rarely see other patients because each therapist takes patients on a different time of the hour so the waiting room isn't packed. While I was waiting, another young girl came into the waiting room. I heard my t's feet coming down the hallway and I knew that she was going to swing the door open like she always does with a big smile on her face. Except when she opened the door, she saw the other girl first. Then she saw me. And her eyes went wide. Then she said "Uh oh" and then she motioned for the other girl to come in and told me "to wait right there". I didn't know what to think and I was panicking. My t came back in a minute or two but the short time seemed like an eternity. I didn't know whether to run or freeze. I just wanted to leave right then. When my t came back for me, it appeared that she had rescheduled the other girl and she took me into her room as usual. She apologized and said "I hate when I do things like that. This is her usual time slot but she switched for the last six weeks because of a summer camp counselor job". We then proceeded to have our session. But for me, it was already over.

I know this shouldn't make me feel so bad. But I am. I'm angry. I hate when I see other patients coming or leaving. It's a reminder to me that my therapist has other patients. When I'm with her, she makes me feel like I'm the only one the matters and when I see her with other patients, I feel less than. I feel violated, but I can't pinpoint why. I feel betrayed because she double booked herself. She only gave me the apt because her regular couldn't come. It's like I'm the second best. Like I'm the second most important. She took the other girl back and told me to wait right there. I know she was probably rescheduling but it made me feel like I was second. I didn't know if she was going to come back or just let me sit there.

I think these are irrational thoughts and emotions. But I can't suppress them. Do I email my t about it? Should I just let it go? I've only been back a couple weeks and now I can't believe that we are already having problems that might test our relationship. I don't know. Has anyone had this happen? Did you have these same emotions? Did you deal with it or tell your t about your feelings? Am I overreacting?

I don't think this sounds like email material or urgent material. But certainly if it is bothering you it would be worth telling her about at the next appointment. Your feelings are not invalid.
And you don't have to take care of the therapist - you do get to tell the therapist how it made you feel.

My T accidentally double booked my last session also, and she also took me and sent the guy home. I don't often see other patients, but when I do, it doesn't bother me in the least. But, as I hear with you, I can tell it does happen....that people are bothered by it.... because on the rare occasions I do see a patient come out of her office, once she invites me in, she apologizes for it. I never understood why she felt the need to apologize. But I have since learned that that really bothers some people. I'm sorry you are bothered by it, I can't give any advice....but really, T's are human and make mistakes, and I probably wouldn't say anything about the double booking. I'm sure she'll be much more careful not to let it happen again, and I'm sure she feels bad enough. I know my T sure did when this happened at my last session. She seemed relieved that I wasn't shook up about it. In fact, I was surprised she thought I would be. I was glad to be the one to go in. Selfish, I know, but it was my last appointment before a three week break. She rescheduled him for the next day.

It happened to me as well. I just left before the session even started :/

Yep, and I was the one to go home. I honestly didn't mind, things happen. However, I don't have the need for my T to love me the best/only... I like being one of his many clients.

I'm sorry this was so difficult for you. I have been the one to go home on a double - booking, these things happen sometimes. It's hard when it's happening to you though. I'm glad she was able to take you in.
I agreed that this is not anything so urgent that I would contact t about it between sessions, but I would definitely bring it up with her next session because it is impacting you so strongly. I'm also glad that you are able to notice some aspect of your reaction being out of proportion to the situation. I wonder if it speaks some to the huge forced gap you had in treatment with her. I know I would be insecure and on edge about returning to that relationship, but that's just me.

Of course you feel pushed away by this and you should feel the feelings fully. But then, put them away as you recognize they are irrational. The reality is she made a mistake--it happens. And she re-scheduled the other girl, not you.

Talk about it next time, whether you still feel upset or not, because it's an old issue for you re-visited. But also use this moment to gather the tools you've learned over the last year or so and apply them. Doing so under the pressure of something like this happening is how you build resiliency and make yourself stronger.

It certainly happens. I've been double-booked a couple of times by my T, and once we had a travel dates miscommunication and I sat in the waiting room for half an hour. Each time he has fit me in usually the next hour (I live very close). I still go through the roller coaster, even though I know it will all be fine, and we're both just people who make mistakes sometimes. I definitely told him what I was feeling.

If email is a normal part of your therapy relationship, I think this is perfectly deserving of an email.

I'm sorry it happened, it always sucks.

Yes, it has happened to me and recently too.

I showed up for my normal appointment day and time and checked in with the receptionist and looked at me and said, healed you aren't on the schedule today. I said I should be, T confirmed it with me last week. So, she let T know.. He came back and got me first and asked if I could see him in about an hour and said that was fine. So, I went back out in the waiting room and did some work.. while the other patient was seen.

Really, it came down to a technical glitch.. I am an ongoing appointment in his computer date book thing, and somehow all of my appointments got wiped out. Yes, it hurt a bit to be double booked, but you lucked out in the sense that T gave you the appointment.. So, sure talk about the emotions in caused you to have with T, then move on. It says nothing about how T feels about you.. just a mistake.

If it were me I would be feeling MORE reassured, because she chose YOU. Imagine how the other girl felt. She may be feeling unimportant and overlooked now. She knows the T easily filled her spot when she left for a mere six week camp job. That must feel lousy.

It's unfortunate this happened, of course, and clearly you are upset and it's very possible the other girl is upset, so the T certainly created issues for you both and for herself. But she's human and she made a mistake and she did what she could. She chose you and she made sure to reschedule the other girl. What else could she do? It seems to me like she's trying hard to earn your trust back and repair the damage by choosing you over the other girl.

T's think of us all differently and you are still an important client. I feel like this is you saying 'i want to be loved' and i know how it feels. You want to be unique and special - and you ARE. No one is the same. T's see people from all walks of life. You are still valued

My therapist double booked my a few weeks ago. It was weird because I could tell his office door was open, like it usually is before my sessions, but when I got to the door he was not there and there was this woman inside who I had never seen before. Then he showed up and was surprised to see me because he had failed to enter into his calendar that we had already agreed to move my appointment up one hour for that week. It was a little awkward. He asked her to leave and so I still had the session. Turns out the woman is a therapist that he supervises. At the time it did not bother me, but it kind of hit me later that I felt sad and a bit angry. In the past, I would have stewed over it to the point of seriously considering termination.

The next week I told him that while in the “real world” I totally understood that it was just an oversight, in “therapy land” it felt like he takes me for granted. Like I’m not important to him, especially since I never forget when we reschedule. He said, “I’m going to let you down. And I’m going to make mistakes.” But he also said our work is important to him. I guess I do believe that's true....

You’re not second best: she chose you over that other girl. I mean, how would you have felt if she’d chosen to see the other girl instead of you? T only brought her inside first because she knew she couldn’t see her & was thus letting her down gently. It would have been cold and discourteous for her to keep the girl outside and then send her packing.

I think you are being overly harsh towards T. We all make mistakes and this seemed a genuine mistake, not a calculated move to make you feel bad. I would cut her some slack.

Not to minimise how you are feeling but could you put yourself in the place of the girl who has been sent packing and imagine how she must have felt? If you feel bad despite T seeing you, imagine how the other girl would feel when she’d been sent away? Can you put yourself in T’s shoes as she messed up over scheduling and had to send a client away? Imagining these scenarios would help you gain some (more realistic) perspective re what happened.

At the end of the day, T chose to see you (and she also apologised accordingly).

Thank you to for all of the replies. It really didn't occur to me how the other girl must be feeling. Thank you for giving me the perspective to put myself in her shoes. I would feel terrible too. As for me- I definitely think that this reaction has to do with our past abrupt separation. The termination wasn't my choice and I spent the year worrying that my T would forget me, not allow me to come back, or replace me. I immediately jumped to the rejection, betrayal, and hurt. I will definitely talk to her about this in our next session because of I do think that there are past issues coming to the surface that need to be dealt with.

Something similar happened to me this week. T messed up my start time, delaying it by 15 minutes. I could hear him laughing and talking in there - grrr! Im like, did i not slam the door hard enough to announce my arrival? But he ALWAYS makes these particular winding down noises, and they just werent happening yet. Finally i heard the cupboard slam, and boom there he is. After 30 minutes, i ask him how much more time we have, since he was late in getting me. He goes - only by a minute or two! Im like, nuh-huh! He looks at his book and says, thats the 3rd time i did that today! I go, well, see, who says therapy doesnt work - 20, 30, 40 years ago, this would have crushed my ego, but look at me now - im fine! Kidding but serious

That therapist really stepped in it.

Double-booking is awkward and awful and she had to make an immediate decision on whom to see and whom to send home.

What sucks about that is that the person sent home is going to know that she was second best, for whatever reason, and wasn't the one who got picked. I would feel awful if I were sent home.

My therapist gave away my weekly slot for no good reason. She's not very good at managing her schedule. I know it's not personal because I just think her brain doesn't deal well with anything numeric, including dates.

it's interesting that there's this assumption of being best or second best based on a double booking. no one is talking about logistics - location of clients, availability of clients, mental health of clients, state of the relationship.

it's possible the reschedule happened because she knew the other girl had the time availability or she even offered to extend her schedule and add extra hours to her workday to accommodate her later on.

That's true. There are a lot of things that go into making the decision on whom to send home.

But either way, it is inconvenient. But true, the sting would be less if the girl sent home lived next door and could come back in two hours.

i don't disagree it is surely inconvenient. i guess i was just thinking - i used to live close to my t and at one point was doing decently with just check ins every now and again. if he had gotten double booked, i could see myself in that situation being rescheduled. i'd be bummed because i like my t, but i'd understand.

now i live an hour away and i'm having a rough period, needing to see him weekly. in this situation, i'm more likely to get the slot.

that said, i'd definitely talk to my t if i were feeling such intense emotions over it. hopefully you can resolve those and then it won't be quite so difficult if you have a run in with another client.

I see my therapist at 10a every Tuesday and Thursday. There is another client who sees therapist every Tuesday and Thursday at 9a. Occasionally, we switch. A couple of times, we have both shown up for 9a. The therapist is amazed because we always work it out before she realizes it's messed up....usually because she did not tell the other person we need to switch.