I've been having emotional memories which seem to be from when I was really young, like 2 years old and even younger. This has been happening over the past couple of weeks.

I didn't think this was possible. I really need to know if anyone else had memories from such a young age surface during psychotherapy?

[unaluna]

http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/08...ory/73639.html

When do kids start talking or feeding themselves? I have some pretty early memories, also of being a clown for halloween when i was 2 1/2.

Did you see the pc article on aug 15th about ptsd with no memory of the event? This makes sense to me.

Originally Posted by hankster

When do kids start talking or feeding themselves? I have some pretty early memories, also of being a clown for halloween when i was 2 1/2.

I forgot lol my kids are adults now.

Awww a little Hankster clown.

Originally Posted by hankster

Did you see the pc article on aug 15th about ptsd with no memory of the event? This makes sense to me.

No, do you have a link?

I'm certain these memories are pre-verbal...

[NowhereUSA]

my earliest memory is from my 2nd birthday. my birthday falls near halloween and there was this kid dressed like a vampire that scared the s*** out of me. i was dressed like a gypsy.

i mean, what the hell mom? i was two :P oh well. i had halloween birthday parties until i could be like blerg. no.

Thanks for the link, S. I'll take a look at it.

Wow, that's really young to remember. I guess birthdays and holidays are really memorable.

Should have said under 2...that's usually the reference point used when referring to infancy in psychology (? unsure). Not cognitive memories, like holidays, but emotional memories. You wouldn't be experiencing them cognitively since your brain isn't that developed yet.

They are somatic and emotional memories and states of being.

[kororain]

I have a bunch of memories betweeen age 2-3. Several from 1-2, and a couple from under 12 months. I don't think any are particularly emotinal though. But none revolve around holidays. They're just every day things (my bedrooms, our kitchen, Gramma's house, eating at the Space Needle, etc.)

[glitterrosez89]

I hardly remember anything about my childhood. I have vague recollections of, like, sitting down at a park or something, but I don't remember more than that I was there. I can't even really remember the scenery, just that it was a park. It's confusing. Sometimes I think I spent my entire childhood up until about age 11 on drugs.

[precaryous]

I can remember being in my crib and chewing on the side rail. I can remember the taste. I also remember nightmares I had in the crib.. I remember being in the hospital which I know was age 2.

[NowhereUSA]

that's so interesting! i had surgeries and stuff before age 2 but i have no recollection of it. just bits and pieces after the age of two.

Originally Posted by kororain

I have a bunch of memories betweeen age 2-3. Several from 1-2, and a couple from under 12 months. I don't think any are particularly emotinal though. But none revolve around holidays. They're just every day things (my bedrooms, our kitchen, Gramma's house, eating at the Space Needle, etc.)

You have 'visual' memories of your bedroom, etc? none of mine include sight. I think that's what's called episodic memory, just guessing. Probably not that emotional either like you mentioned, except for very basic/primal emotions. More instinctual and existiential.

Originally Posted by glitterrosez89

I hardly remember anything about my childhood. I have vague recollections of, like, sitting down at a park or something, but I don't remember more than that I was there. I can't even really remember the scenery, just that it was a park. It's confusing. Sometimes I think I spent my entire childhood up until about age 11 on drugs.

You literally were given drugs when a child, or it feels that way? But me too. I hardly remember anything before age 11 or 12, so it's really strange how this is all surfacing.

Originally Posted by precaryous

I can remember being in my crib and chewing on the side rail. I can remember the taste. I also remember nightmares I had in the crib.. I remember being in the hospital which I know was age 2.

That must have been traumatic.

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

that's so interesting! i had surgeries and stuff before age 2 but i have no recollection of it. just bits and pieces after the age of two.

that must have been extremely traumatic too

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by skies_

I've been having emotional memories which seem to be from when I was really young, like 2 years old and even younger. This has been happening over the past couple of weeks.

I didn't think this was possible. I really need to know if anyone else had memories from such a young age surface during psychotherapy?

Your feelings are valid regardless, but some food for thought- memories are easily rearranged, they're not static, nor unchangable. Examining memories in therapy can really make them vulnerable to confabulation. The typical age of the first retained memories that most adults can access is between four and five years old (and varies based on gender, culture and other factors.) While it's technically possible to have earlier memories (and that younger age limit does trend down into the late 3s in some cases) it's equally or more likely that what *feel* like preverbal "emotional" memories are rather feelings exacerbated by therapy- when we feel extremely vulnerable, its easy to translate that as infant-like feelings, when they're not necessarily that. And in highly emotional states, memory is often compromised more than usual. (Think of the classic car crash scenario where so many witnesses don't recall the basic details like color of the car.)

This isn't to discount your feelings, but to give you a little context as far as the possible source.

[NowhereUSA]

Originally Posted by skies_

that must have been extremely traumatic too

maybe but i can't remember lol. the only way my surgeries as a kid affected me was to never lie to my kid about how things felt. i remember nurses telling me things wouldn't hurt and then they did. when my son had to get his 4 year old vaccinations, he asked if it would hurt. the nurse said no, but i interrupted and said, "yes baby, it's going to pinch, but i'll hold your hand."

i want him to know i will always tell him the truth. i didn't trust doctors for a very long time because of those nurses. i know it seems like in the moment it will work but ask the nurses later how receptive i was to things... i would freak out because i thought they were all lying to me.

eventually i worked through it, but never ever will i lie to my kiddos. we don't even do santa claus because of how i feel (and some religious reasons but not because i think santa is bad, it's complicated and i think santa is fine, i just have some complicated things for me personally).

sorry. didn't mean to derail

[tealBumblebee]

Yup, T talks about 'first memories' and while she says 'continuous memories' generally start around 3/4 (I don't have many before 10), she and I both have at least one very early memory.

I have a very clear memory when I was old enough to walk but not talk of my mother taking my brothers and I to a friends house, I guess for a social visit (my first memory and the only one I have of my biological family). I remember where the door of the apartment is, that the kitchen/buffet was on the right (it's where my mother put me down at), and the room right off the kitchen that had a toybox in it. The other woman apparently had a child the same age as one of my brothers (maybe around 6-7) and I remember them both kneeling by/looking into the box and the friends son pulling out a bat (plastic I assume but I don't know) and hitting my brother on the head, and my brother crying. I don't remember anything before or after that, just that specific part.

My grandmother says I have told her that same story since I was a very small girl with consistency. I think that it's possible that your memories are, in fact, very real.

[elliemay]

I do not believe that, at that time in life, the brain is developed enough to develop accurate memories of events. So I think it is likely that your adult brain is embellishing on them. Memories are certainly not absolute truth, especially the "factual" recall of things. I've read the studies, I'm not likely to be swayed that a very young child can, years later, accurately recall much.

However, emotional memory is a little different. I do think that there can be a profound imprint. This imprint likely influences the rest of our perception and colors whats we call reality.

Whatever the case, whatever the origin, these memories, while not factually accurate, are likely emotionally so.

A lot of very good stuff can come from them in therapy.

[kororain]

Originally Posted by skies_

You have 'visual' memories of your bedroom, etc? none of mine include sight. I think that's what's called episodic memory, just guessing. Probably not that emotional either like you mentioned, except for very basic/primal emotions. More instinctual and existiential.

Yeah. I remember sitting on my sister's bed and looking around. I can see my crib and the closet doors from that point of view. I think my mom or sister left me there by myself for a minute and went down the hall.

In the same room, I remember my dad built a little alcove for my sister to sit in to study. I remember sitting in the alcove while it was under construction. Feeling the cold from outside coming in because it wasn't insulated yet. My dad's friend from church was there helping to build it. My sister was there and let me play with some nails. I remember picking them up and holding them.

These are both from under age 12 months. Probably 9-11 months-ish for both.

Oh and another blurry one of climbing up on our table to look at this pretty blue votive candle holder thing on the kitchen table. Maybe I was a little over a year in that one because I was standing/climbing.

So how do the non-sight ones work? Do you know where you are, who you are with?

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

maybe but i can't remember lol. the only way my surgeries as a kid affected me was to never lie to my kid about how things felt. i remember nurses telling me things wouldn't hurt and then they did. when my son had to get his 4 year old vaccinations, he asked if it would hurt. the nurse said no, but i interrupted and said, "yes baby, it's going to pinch, but i'll hold your hand."

i want him to know i will always tell him the truth. i didn't trust doctors for a very long time because of those nurses. i know it seems like in the moment it will work but ask the nurses later how receptive i was to things... i would freak out because i thought they were all lying to me.

eventually i worked through it, but never ever will i lie to my kiddos. we don't even do santa claus because of how i feel (and some religious reasons but not because i think santa is bad, it's complicated and i think santa is fine, i just have some complicated things for me personally).

sorry. didn't mean to derail

Not to worry about dereailing. Thank you for sharing that. I'm glad your are honest with your children. Personally, I think it's much more loving to be honest, even if it hurts, rather than tell people 'what they want to hear'.

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

Yup, T talks about 'first memories' and while she says 'continuous memories' generally start around 3/4 (I don't have many before 10), she and I both have at least one very early memory.

I have a very clear memory when I was old enough to walk but not talk of my mother taking my brothers and I to a friends house, I guess for a social visit (my first memory and the only one I have of my biological family). I remember where the door of the apartment is, that the kitchen/buffet was on the right (it's where my mother put me down at), and the room right off the kitchen that had a toybox in it. The other woman apparently had a child the same age as one of my brothers (maybe around 6-7) and I remember them both kneeling by/looking into the box and the friends son pulling out a bat (plastic I assume but I don't know) and hitting my brother on the head, and my brother crying. I don't remember anything before or after that, just that specific part.

My grandmother says I have told her that same story since I was a very small girl with consistency. I think that it's possible that your memories are, in fact, very real.

Thanks for sharing, and for saying that at the end, Teal.

Originally Posted by kororain

So how do the non-sight ones work? Do you know where you are, who you are with?

Those are really vivid Kororian.

I don't think I can talk about it here, it's too embarrassing. I was embarrassed to tell my therapist the first time. I don't feel that way anymore in terms of telling him about it, but it's probably not good to post about them here. They are really infantile...believe me.

Guess I was hoping someone else had similar experiences...

[Leah123]

You mentioned "emotional memories" so I wasn't clear you were talking about sensory memories, visual memories, etc.

I'm not sure someone could reliably distinguish between a current impulse (probably partly subconscious) to nurse or void or masturbate or any of those early infantile impulses now, because the person wanting soothing, and a past, very early/preverbal one. Once we know that we did something in the past, it can be easy to empathize with, i.e. experience that sensation, rather than remember it. And of course, therapy is a breeding ground for those vulnerable impulses.

Abreaction at that early level is a really controversial concept in therapy...

However, now that you are asserting your surety that you do have these memories, rather than just seeming to wonder if they're possible, which is what I took from the original post, I'll stop posting, just wanted to give you some background on how unlikely that is and I've found from experience it can be going to far down the rabbit's hole to try and make concrete sense from memory, what someone aptly noted isn't exactly factual truth. I agree w/the prior poster that the key is to learn from the feelings and address those desires in the present.

[TheWell]

What?s Your Earliest Memory? | Psych Central News

Here is a Psych Central article on this topic.

I'm not feeling to well. I think i'll go watch something on Netflix. Anything good there lately?

The last really good movie I saw on Netflix was The Immigrant. I love emotionally provocative movies...that one has a lot of psychological depth and is very moving.

[precaryous]

Another memory- do you know the way dust motes are captured in sun beams? I can remember standing in my crib spitting at the dust motes to shoot them down. Lol

I read an article that says the "baby haze" we experience as childhood amnesia of early events is caused by the creation of new neural pathways in our young brain. Here, I thought being able to remember that early was proof that I was smart. ;-)

[kororain]

Originally Posted by elliemay

I do not believe that, at that time in life, the brain is developed enough to develop accurate memories of events. So I think it is likely that your adult brain is embellishing on them. Memories are certainly not absolute truth, especially the "factual" recall of things. I've read the studies, I'm not likely to be swayed that a very young child can, years later, accurately recall much.

Maybe not a lot of things, but why not some things? I know I remember the things I do because I remember remembering them at different ages. I remember realizing when we moved when I was 2 1/2 that I needed to remember things about our first house because we weren't going back. So I just reminded myself through the years.

Like I said, I have very few memories under 1 year, but the ones I have are definitely real. They're so "normal" and boring that I can't imagine why I would invent them. They're just slices of life. Not a holiday. Nothing monumental. Nothing emotional.

Now if you want to talk about emotional... I recall in vivid technicolor my uncle abusing me at age 3. T said lots of people do forget, but I can't imagine forgetting. And I know I don't remember it through others because my family basically refuses to discuss it. And thankfully there are no photos. But I can tell you in detail from beginning to end how it happened, what happened, the aftermath, etc. I have obsessively reviewed it in my mind about six million times, so I guarantee the accuracy. I've gone so far as to google pictures of the toys that were in the room that I remember from that day. When I can't find the exact ones, I just draw/paint pictures of them.

Originally Posted by skies_

Those are really vivid Kororian.

I don't think I can talk about it here, it's too embarrassing. I was embarrassed to tell my therapist the first time. I don't feel that way anymore in terms of telling him about it, but it's probably not good to post about them here. They are really infantile...believe me.

Guess I was hoping someone else had similar experiences...

I hear ya. I bet somebody does. They're just not here yet.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by skies_

Yes, I know I was not articulate. I think what happened is that i was trying to ask my question in a vague way because these experiences are so shameful to discuss. It backfired, and ended up being non-truthful in the name of deflection...

It's quite possible that what you describe is more accurate, and I am thinking about that possibility. I'm going to have to just wait until I see my therapist next week. It's just so difficult only seeing him once a week (that's all I can afford); he has mentioned that we should think about increasing the frequency of our sessions. I didn't tell him yet that I couldn't afford it, although we did talk about that upon our initial meeting almost a year ago.

I could really relate to what you said about impulses; that's the type of language I can understand this with. Please don't ever not post on my threads. I appreciate your input, always. There's too much stuff surfacing now to hold back. I was hoping to find someone else with these experiences so that maybe I could PM with them.

BTW-the abreaction concept does not seem as controversial when you have lots of pre-verbal and somatic stuff, but I do think it's something one has to experience to understand.

Thanks

I did experience a lot of that "somatic stuff." So it's not that I don't have experience to draw from, but what I learned from it, after a lot of time and research and consideration, was that forcing it into the box of concrete age-based memory wasn't accurate or ultimately helpful for me. Of course, everyone's experience varies, but it's actually precisely because I dealt with a great deal of it and then lived many years past it and looked back with a more... comprehensive and objective viewpoint than the one I had at the time, that I found the controversy around it so relevant.

I hope something works out with your therapist, I know it's hard to not have the means to afford as much time as we feel we need- hopefully he'll come up with something.

(((((Kororian))))) Sorry you had to go through this. Did you talk about this with your T yet? Gosh, i'm the queen of repression. : /