I saw T today and we were talking about how I've sent him poetry and written to him between sessions when I've felt low (at the beginning of therapy and a few times since he has said it is fine to email him if ever I need to)
I never email him more than once or twice a week and often not at all. Last week I emailed him right after the session with poetry we discussed I would send him and I sent him an email on Friday telling him a couple of things that had triggered me but assured him I didn't need to reply.
In session today we started talking about how my narrative in the emails is of someone who isn't coping well (my words) but he doesn't see that in session. I said that's because I have trouble expressing myself verbally (which he already knows) and I find it easier to communicate in writing. He was like, "But this is talking therapy" I said I'm not doing this on purpose, I want him to know how Im feeling but I can't express it verbally at the moment. Part of the aim for me is to learn to do that but he needs to have patience with me and it won't happen overnight (I told him all that).
Then he suggested why don't I write the stuff down and bring it in and read it to him. This totally misses the point. I can't say these things and I can't be there to see his reaction. I feel like he doesn't get this at all, but it's a huge part of who I am. I just said that's not going to happen and dropped the subject, but now I feel like I can't email him anymore.
The fact he said I could contact him was one of the big reasons I stuck with him as a T and made big disclosures to him. I feel like I'm getting mixed signals from him.
I'm not going to see him for 11 days and obviously I can't contact him to tell him how I feel!
I plan to raise it at the next session and ask him directly if the boundaries have changed, but I don't know if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He never actually said I shouldn't contact him.

PS sorry for predictive text error in title!

[SoupDragon]

I've gone through similar with my T. It felt like the rules changed, so I just don't email anymore.

[HazelGirl]

I think part of learning to verbalize how you're feeling is withstanding the reaction from others. I think your T is right that you need to get to the point where you can do that. I know that, for me, I had a hard time for a long time, expressing myself verbally. And I am still better at writing things out. But it is improving slowly as I take more risks.

I don't think it's wrong to email him. I think you just need to work towards being able to say things rather than write them.

[lunatic soul]

I have the same situation.
He said he doesn't mind if I wrote him emails but it would be better if I could tell it not write or I can read it in sessions (I did it once but I don't like it).
I think it could be the same with your T, if you say it in email, you don't talk about it and it's not that helpful.
In my last email I said- please help me to talk about it with you at session.
You can send email and then talk about those things you wrote.

[Leah123]

I agree w/HazelGirl. I hope you'll continue emailing him. It's helpful, it's valid. It has worked wonders for me personally. I think you're feeling threatened because he encouraged you clearly to transition to more in-person disclosures, but I do not get the sense that he's setting new limits, just wanting to help you progress.

Maybe you two could talk next time about how threatened you feel and I hope he'll partner with you to explore what you can both contribute to help you feel more safe in session. That took a lot of work for me and I'm so glad I did that work.

For me it included having a lot of control and some accommodations, like doing anti-anxiety or grounding exercises, visualizations, time to be silent without pressure, to go in small steps, and much more. The point being, it's not an all or nothing, now or never dilemma. You can probably continue communicating the way you always have, and just work on sharing 5% more in session, just a tiny bit, little by little.

Take care! Maybe give these feelings some time to settle. When I react that strongly to something in therapy, just waiting a day or two to see how I feel then and revisiting it when I have calmed down some helps.

P.S. It's as easy now for me to email as it is to speak in session, but I wanted to reassure you I haven't given up writing. Writing is valid in its own right and I think it's a uniquely helpful form of communication, so I don't even think you need to see "giving up" writing as a goal, but just being a little more authentic in therapy as the goal, so you can take in more of what he has to give there.

You know, I didn't look at it that way at all. I have been reading personal rejection into a lot of things he has said to me recently (we actually discussed that today and he had no idea he had made me feel that way and reassured me that wasn't the intention of what he said) Again, when we had this discussion about my emails all I heard was "I'm tired of reading your emails between sessions, stop emailing me."
I guess it speaks volumes that I couldn't see he was trying to encourage me to progress.
Thanks so much for pointing this out to me, without you guys looking at the situation objectively I probably would have spent the next 11 days feeling totally rejected

Originally Posted by Leah123

Take care! Maybe give these feelings some time to settle. When I react that strongly to something in therapy, just waiting a day or two to see how I feel then and revisiting it when I have calmed down some helps.

Thanks for that too, it's definitely true, I can be so reactionary sometimes

I'm going thru that kinda thing right now. Used to email t stuff for upcoming sessions (we do phone sessions only since she moved) but now suddenly in the last couple weeks she says she "doesn't receive" my Emails. When I mention sent one she miraculously finds it, I too feel like the rules have changed but nobody told me, that on top of finding out she does not have a professional will, I'm thinking it's just time to quit therapy. I'm struggling to not think she doesn't care about me. Maybe she never did. But maybe this is a test...... To see how I handle myself.... Hmmm...

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