[lunatic soul]

After termination I was too broken and my friend said his best friend likes me but thinks I would never date him. I said why not.
Then he invited me to date, we spent all day together and found out we like the same things- the same dogs, colors, movies, abounded houses etc. He is pretty, cool, serious, has good job, I though he is just perfect for me.
Then he told me he has two children and I almost started to cry. My ex T also has two children and I was sitting there and thinking what if I sit there with my ex T? It's painful that he was two children from his ex girlfriend.
Next day my boyfriend came to my house, we watched movie and kissed etc and I liked it, he said he wants that everything comes slowly and that we don't do stuff in bed at first dates, I thought- why not, I want sex but I didn't say it.
When he left he forgot to log out from his facebook account and I saw he texted many girls before our first date at the same time he was texting me and it made me worry he could continue doing this.
I felt I want sex, why not, I have never had sex and I always wanted to have it.
But... I'm not attracted to my boyfriend, yes he is attractive but when he touches me it's the same thing when I touch myself, it's easy to turn me on sexually, I think my libido ir really high and I think about sex almost every day.
I feel horrible at this moment. I want sex but I'm virgin and I'm afraid I would regret I slept with a guy I don't love because it's like giving myself to somebody.
I think I'm just an idiot if I don't do good to me like having sex with some attractive guy just because I'm too attached to my T and it holds me back. I know I can't be with my T who is my ex T for now.
I know I would feel free if my T didn't replie to my email but he did it, I was so suprised and it gave me a hope, I know I can go back to therapy with him any time and I regret I left. He said- I am the same person who still wants to help you and cares for you, I didn't reject you, you left me not I but you can always come back to therapy after a break but you say I'm heartless monster... Okay it's not copy/paste from email, I said it in my words as I remember.
I don't know what to do. To sleep or not to sleep with my boyfriend. To come or not to come back to my T.
My minds says I should enjoy my time with my bf and also at least enjoy sex but my heart says I can't do this and my heart longs for my ex T.
I feel horrible and don;t know what to do. I want normal relationships but I feel that my heart belongs to my T. I also afraid I could feel abused.
Also I had crush on my catholic friend but he ignores me.
I don't want to make a mistakes.
Please help me What do you think would be right?

[HazelGirl]

I think you're using this guy (you've only been on two dates, and so I would guess he doesn't consider you his girlfriend) to block out your feelings towards your T. And that's a bad thing. I think it would be best if you didn't get involved with this guy, and instead found a different T, maybe a female, who will help you through your problems.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I think you're using this guy (you've only been on two dates, and so I would guess he doesn't consider you his girlfriend) to block out your feelings towards your T. And that's a bad thing. I think it would be best if you didn't get involved with this guy, and instead found a different T, maybe a female, who will help you through your problems.

No, he says I'm his girlfriend and I like him but I'm not in love with him.
Yes, I also think I should see a female T but I hate that Ts don't give suggestions and opinions, I need opinion about this and suggestions what to do.

[NowhereUSA]

honestly, my own opinion is that i'd pull back. for me, though, sex is a Big Deal. i don't know if it is for you (though it sounds like it). you have a lot of things you're coping with right now and introducing this, particularly as a virgin, might be more damaging to you.

i'd focus on finding a female t and maybe try to keep this guy as a friend, but cool the romance a little so you can figure out your emotions and know what you're getting into.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

honestly, my own opinion is that i'd pull back. for me, though, sex is a Big Deal. i don't know if it is for you (though it sounds like it). you have a lot of things you're coping with right now and introducing this, particularly as a virgin, might be more damaging to you.

i'd focus on finding a female t and maybe try to keep this guy as a friend, but cool the romance a little so you can figure out your emotions and know what you're getting into.

I really hope that therapy with new T could be helpful for me but at this moment it seems just waste of money. Anyway I'm ill now and too paranoid to go out when I don't go to job (I have cough and high temperature for now). When I will be healthy and know my studiyng days I will call female T, I aleady find one who seems okay

I'm sitting home, little bit overdosed, cant stand up because then I will puke and feeling so numb. Knitting scarf for my sister lol.
If I'm honest I feel horrible not just because of my ex T and current boyfriend but also because I feel guilty for not going to job and feeling so stresful what boss thinks of me, I'm getting sick too often.

Yeah, hopeless.

Thanks NowhereUSA that you always say something to me.

[Lauliza]

If you like him enough for him to be a distraction from your ex T then fine, but that doesn't seem to be the case. So I would not sleep with him since your whole heart (and mind) are not in it and you might feel worse. Sex also seems to mean a lot to you, so I wouldn't do it until you feel 100% sure.

I also think very strongly that you should see a female T and not go back to or have contact with your ex T. I know it is torture for you, but cutting off contact is the only way to completely get over someone. Your identity right now is so tied up in your feelings for your ex T that your sense of hopelessness gets worse every time there is a bit of contact with him. Right now it seems like you are ruled completely by emotions - to the point they are ruling your decisions and keeping you from moving forward with the rest of your life (and I'm sorry if this is wrong, it's just how it comes across from your postings). You need a good strong female T who can help you get control over your emotional self. Remember, sometimes the hardest things to do are what are best for us.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

If you like him enough for him to be a distraction from your ex T then fine, but that doesn't seem to be the case. So I would not sleep with him since your whole heart (and mind) are not in it and you might feel worse. Sex also seems to mean a lot to you, so I wouldn't do it until you feel 100% sure.

I also think very strongly that you should see a female T and not go back to or have contact with your ex T. I know it is torture for you, but cutting off contact is the only way to completely get over someone. Your identity right now is so tied up in your feelings for your ex T that your sense of hopelessness gets worse every time there is a bit of contact with him. Right now it seems like you are ruled completely by emotions - to the point they are ruling your decisions and keeping you from moving forward with the rest of your life (and I'm sorry if this is wrong, it's just how it comes across from your postings). You need a good strong female T who can help you get control over your emotional self. Remember, sometimes the hardest things to do are what are best for us.

When my T replied to my email saying he still wants to see me it gave me a hope and I stopped to feel that desperate. I left him just because I fell in love with him and couldn't accept that he doesn't hug me anymore (what a stupid reason isn't it?). I don't understand why the hell I left him.

Yes I think that at first I will see female T and then my ex T maybe. I did wrong by leaving him, it was just anger, I did it in anger.