[sailorboy]

A little poll about telling your therapist you love them.

Have you told a therapist you love them?

If yes, how long had you been in therapy before you said it? How often?

What is your attachment style if you know?

How did your T react?

Do you regret it?

And please share anything else you are comfortable about how your experience went. Thanks!

[Leah123]

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...e-therapy.html

[clairelisbeth]

It was recent and pretty anticlimactic, actually.

I've been in therapy with my T for almost 4 years, and I'm securely attached to her. I love and adore her, but I don't obsess about her. She is someone that I have made amazing progress with. She is close to my age, and if we hadn't met in this context, I could definitely have seen us clicking and having a friendship. However, she is my T and that is the role that I want her to have in my life.

We were talking about our work together, and I basically said something like "We do great work together. I've made so much progress with you, and I love you."

She really didn't say anything, which was fine, because it wasn't a declaration, although that was the first time I said anything like that (even though I'm sure she knew).

Nope, I don't regret it at all.

[HazelGirl]

I haven't said so directly. Indirectly, yes. I have told her that she means a lot to me and that I see her as sort of a mother. And she replied that she sort of sees me as a daughter, so that's sort of how the conversation went.

[precaryous]

I have told my previous T that I love her- as mother/teacher/mentor/therapist/advocate. First time was probably within the first year of therapy. She was my therapist during a malpractice case....and she helped keep me alive through it. That was a very dramatic time several years ago. She understood.

Recently, I have told her again via e-mail....she has been a stabilizing force in my life. I will always be grateful. No, I don't regret it.

Current T - no, we have not reached that point. But I like her a lot. She has gone out of her way to help me.

[InRealLife45]

Originally Posted by sailorboy

A little poll about telling your therapist you love them.

Have you told a therapist you love them?

If yes, how long had you been in therapy before you said it? How often?

What is your attachment style if you know?

How did your T react?

Do you regret it?

And please share anything else you are comfortable about how your experience went. Thanks!

Have you told a therapist you love them? yes
If yes, how long had you been in therapy before you said it? About 8 months.
What is your attachment style if you know? Disorganized
How did your T react? She said thank you, which was awkward, so later I apologized for saying it and she text that it was ok, it felt good to hear me say it.
Do you regret it? No. But I wish she had said it back (she did, later, but not directly saying "I love you" but more like "the love is here" and "I've shown you I love you in 10,000 different ways" etc..)

[Wren_]

I have told my T a few times ... not sure how long it was before I first said those words. I think he smiled in acknowledgement No regrets.

[stopdog]

Have you told a therapist you love them? No. I do not love the therapist. I cannot even imagine how I would love a therapist.

If yes, how long had you been in therapy before you said it? How often?

What is your attachment style if you know?
The therapist has said dismissive.

How did your T react?

Do you regret it?

Once, after she had said some nonsense about liking me
I told her I did not usually despise her. She seemed okay with the sentiment.

[tealBumblebee]

Have you told a therapist you love them? I have told her through actions and written words, never in person. I think its just weird in general

If yes, how long had you been in therapy before you said it? How often?I think I hinted around the eighth or ninth month but for sure at one year. Mention it occasionally in writing but not something I obsess over.

What is your attachment style if you know? I think it said anxious preoccupied.

How did your T react? She was very appreciative and reacted emotionally. She's always told me she loves me but I never say it back because it's hard for me to get those words out and mean it and accept that same love in return. But I never worried about her reacting negatively because of that.

Do you regret it? Nope; I just want to learn how to verbalize the words.

[Petra5ed]

Yes, have said it several times in a several different ways. It took me over a year in therapy to tell him I cared about him and liked him. Not too long after that I emailed that I loved him. Not long after that I told him I loved him, and later on that I was in love with him. Attachment style is fearful avoidant. My T reacted well each time. Never made a big deal out of it. And, no I don't regret it in the least. I want to continue professing my love more than ever now, LOL.

[MoxieDoxie]

No have not told him. I am concerned about making him uncomfortable and I can't stand watching people squirm. It is not erotic love although I sexualize any man who I feel grateful to. I can not even explain what it is becaue I never experienced it in my life so I have no frame of refference. I adore him, I would be protective of him, I would help him with anything(might even help him get rid of a body), my ife is a better place with him in it, I would die if he were to ignor me, I feel extreme sadness when I think about him not in my life in some capacity, I feel like a child sometimes showing him my new tricks, I have felt normal in his presence and equal, I felt of value, I felt wanted, I felt important, I felt I mean something to him in return.....these are things I have never felt, all at once, with a single person in my life.

[justdesserts]

I have not said, but my therapist says he loves me almost every session. I have a very time trusting people, so the idea of trusting him enough to tell him I love him seems very scary.

[ShrinkPatient]

About 2 years ago, my T said that she loves me for who I am. She gives me the impression that she doesn't say this to her clients. I avoid attachment because that leads to vulnerability & I did not reply to her in any way.
However, I do love my T & have since around the time she said that to me. Although I am attached to her & she has expressed her dedication & affection for me many times, I still feel vulnerable to the point of frequent physical panic attacks. This last spring, after 2 years of therapy with her, I decided I wanted her to know how very much she means to me. I wanted to use a different word for love, not because I didn't want her to know exactly how I felt but because I did want her to know. The word Love seems so over used & commonplace to me. I consulted a thesaurus & found the word 'adore.' It means to love deeply love & admire. She's very aware that I choose my words very carefully in order to discribe exactly what I mean, so I know she understood exactly what I meant. That's exactly how I feel about her. I'm so glad to know that I have her & I thank her & tell her that I don't know where I'd be without her, at almost every appointment & we always hug at the end of my sessions. I have the very best T ever!!! Lol
I don't think it would have been possible to be this close to other Ts. She & I have a lot in common & hold very similar opinions about many things. Also, we are both INTJs (Myers Briggs) & only 1% of the population have that personality. She's done so much for me that no one will ever be able to take her place!
BTW: She's also a mentor to me as I am attending graduate school to become a licensed mental health therapist. Which, she completely supports & encourages!

I haven't because I don't love her - love issues here. I got a complete inability to love anyone. Don't know how to love.
But i do like her a lot and she makes me feel safe.

Originally Posted by ShrinkPatient

Also, we are both INTJs (Myers Briggs) & only 1% of the population have that personality.

I'm an INTJ too

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

I'm an INTJ too

I am an INTJ as well...and it's actually about 6% of the population, but more rare in females than males. Only about 1% of females are INTJ. A higher percentage of males are, though.

[lunatic soul]

Have you told a therapist you love them? Yes.

If yes, how long had you been in therapy before you said it? After a year but attached to him at the begining of therapy.

How often? Too often and too much.

What is your attachment style if you know? I don't know. Love him from all my heart and my soul.

How did your T react? He said he knew it and react well.

Do you regret it? No, never.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Have you told a therapist you love them? No. I do not love the therapist. I cannot even imagine how I would love a therapist.

If yes, how long had you been in therapy before you said it? How often?

What is your attachment style if you know?
The therapist has said dismissive.

How did your T react?

Do you regret it?

Once, after she had said some nonsense about liking me
I told her I did not usually despise her. She seemed okay with the sentiment.

Stopdog, you are truly one-of-a-kind. I really do love (not you!) ...but your way of stand-alone thinking.. Love it!

[lunatic soul]

Stopdog just wondering are you man or woman?

[Lauliza]

No I have never told my T or pdoc anything like that and I can't imagine that I ever would want to. It would be too weird for me and I know would make at least one very uncomfortable.

[musinglizzy]

Stopdog, I asked once, is a woman. And I wish I knew her in real life. Seriously...lol

Feel the love, Stopdog!

[precaryous]

Stopdog is top dog around here. .
I like Stopdog, too!

[nottrustin]

I have never told T I love her..I have thought it though. I tell very few people I love them because I feel it makes me too vulnerable. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to T on the phone and I had to do a double take. I thought she told me she loves me...but I felt like it was more the standard "I love you" people say to loved ones when hanging up the phone. Since we had been talking about T's dog I decided she most have said that he (meaning the dog) would love that.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by precaryous

Stopdog is top dog around here. .
I like Stopdog, too!

And I don't usually despise our beloved Stopdog

[ruiner]

Thread title should be changed to "Telling Stopdog you love them"

Have you told Stopdog you love them?

If yes, how long had you been on this forum before you said it? How often?

What is your attachment style if you know?

How did Stopdog react?

Do you regret it?