[Asiablue]

I had the strangest experience in therapy today. I was really sobbing, verging on panic whilst talking about the fear I have about abandonment. And as I was talking I had the sense of shrinking into the chair and becoming very little, like when a kids legs stick out over the edge of a chair that's too big for them? I guess I was about 4. It was like one of those films where you see the adult shrink into a kid. Very strange.
My T said it seemed like I was tapping into a very old hurt and how old I was feeling? It's weird she asked that before i'd told her about feeling like I was shrinking. 10/10 on the attunement, T!!

Also when crying I had this physical pain kind of in my solar plexus. I feel exhausted now. It's been a hugely tough week where I thought I might have to give up therapy. T said I looked pale and not my usual self. I feel like i've literally been thru the ringer.

Anyone else felt like they've metamorphised into a little kid? Was so strange.

[Raging Quiet]

Hi Asia,

Yes, this has happened many times to me and is exhausting. For me, it was a type of regression and old vulnerability.

Take care

[HazelGirl]

Yes, occasionally. It's very odd. I felt like I wanted to go hide in a corner once, because I felt like a little kid who was about to get in trouble.

[Depletion]

I feel like that anytime that I get rejected.

[ThisWayOut]

I get that way sometimes... It is very strange and draining for me also...

[pmbm]

It happens to me. I really didn't talk until I was 4 or 5 years old. I have the experience of crying and shaking and not being able to open my mouth to speak. Turns out I feel very young in those situations. I know I was abused before I could speak, so I figure this is my preverbal stuff. It's really a strange experience.

[Asiablue]

I feel like I've been hit by an emotional bus. ugh...

sorry to hear you are feeling so bad Asia, also very sorry to hear you are contemplating terminating! I hope that this is only a passing thought as you are making real progress with this transaction, I know that your feelings about her and your therapy are up and down a lot but on the whole you are working through a lot of old and painful hurts together.
As for feeling yourself regress, I have had this experience lots in therapy and the always ask me what age I am when she notices me regress, I don't even know that I do it but she notices my voice change and my body language. Once she makes me aware of it we will talk about what happened and how did the little one in me feel at the time, I find it most helpful as I am more aware of my own gestures and voices changes lately. I don't like being the young me I want to be more in the adult me

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

sorry to hear you are feeling so bad Asia, also very sorry to hear you are contemplating terminating! I hope that this is only a passing thought as you are making real progress with this transaction, I know that your feelings about her and your therapy are up and down a lot but on the whole you are working through a lot of old and painful hurts together.
As for feeling yourself regress, I have had this experience lots in therapy and the always ask me what age I am when she notices me regress, I don't even know that I do it but she notices my voice change and my body language. Once she makes me aware of it we will talk about what happened and how did the little one in me feel at the time, I find it most helpful as I am more aware of my own gestures and voices changes lately. I don't like being the young me I want to be more in the adult me

That's interesting, that your gestures and voice changes. I wonder if mine does, I wonder if that's why she asked me what age I was in that moment? hmmm

[JustShakey]

I know the feeling. I used to get it a lot with previous T. I am taller than her but in those moments it was like I was looking up at her from about waist height. I would feel like I needed to reassure her before she would get too upset at me - maternal transference FTW...
It happened once with T, in my first session - I remember his eyes going wide with surprise. He picked up on it right away, and backed off.

She probably asked you because she could see you changing and regressing, most ts can see this happening with us. Did you know what age you were in that moment ?
It's said that I'd we suffer a wound that hasn't been healed I our childhoods we will be stuck in that age until we resolve or open the wound to heal it.

[sweepy62]

Yes in fact I hid behind the coat stand , kind of. She had her jacket hanging there and I was clinging on to it. It felt really odd, felt like I was 6 felt like sucking my thumb or something .

I felt really vulnerable . She looked at me, and continued to let me talk from there.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

She probably asked you because she could see you changing and regressing, most ts can see this happening with us. Did you know what age you were in that moment ?
It's said that I'd we suffer a wound that hasn't been healed I our childhoods we will be stuck in that age until we resolve or open the wound to heal it.

I'd say about 4. I wasn't able to tell her at the time what age I felt, but judging by what height i felt, I'd say four. Yet, I was aware it had happened, I was still talking/crying like I was in the present but also that I felt like I was physically shrinking to a little kid size. Fear and panic just took over me and even my crying felt weird. She came and sat next to me.

[Terabithia]

That was very interesting. I remember once in a therapy session talking and then all of a sudden all the furniture looking really large. It was a very weird feeling. For me, I felt kind of disasociated. Was there any of that feeling in your experience?

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Terabithia

That was very interesting. I remember once in a therapy session talking and then all of a sudden all the furniture looking really large. It was a very weird feeling. For me, I felt kind of disasociated. Was there any of that feeling in your experience?

yes, I think it maybe was a mild form of dissociation.

[precaryous]

I had a similar experience where at times I thought PrevT was bigger...and other times she seemed smaller. I don't know if it was really me feeling like I was shrinking, instead.. I remember, later, I asked her how tall she was because I couldn't gauge it...

Yes, it probably was some kind of dissociation. Interesting. I hadn't thought about it as me changing. It seemed to happen to PrevT. I couldn't talk about it at the time. I only asked her about it years later.

I'm glad your T was attuned to you.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by precaryous

I'm glad your T was attuned to you.

Me too. It's a horrible experience when they're not attuned. Previous T just wrote me off as being manipulative.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by JustShakey

Me too. It's a horrible experience when they're not attuned. Previous T just wrote me off as being manipulative.

Omg, I'm sorry. That would be painful and horrible.

[iheartjacques]

I hate going back to how I felt at particular ages. Takes me a while to regroup. I'll leave sobbing and sit in the car until I've calmed down enough to drive. And yes it's very draining. So I don't make plans for after sessions except to go home and sleep or go for a walk.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by iheartjacques

I hate going back to how I felt at particular ages. Takes me a while to regroup. I'll leave sobbing and sit in the car until I've calmed down enough to drive. And yes it's very draining. So I don't make plans for after sessions except to go home and sleep or go for a walk.

yeah i often sleep after a session. My T sometimes asks what age I feel and I rarely have an answer, I can't tell what age I'm feeling. Usually the angry destructive feelings come from me aged 17-20ish.