Lightbulb ?

Did I just figure this out?

Is T making me take the initiative to tell her about the CSA? She's not drawing me out at all about this. For the longest time, I've felt like I need her to draw me out. I can not say the words unless she draws me out.

But it just occurred to me that maybe she wants me to take the initiative and be the one to lead the conversation because then I have the control.

Is that what she's doing?

Do I just need to find an angle? Maybe it's like giving a book report. I need a start, a middle, and an end.

Maybe it's about control. If I choose to say it, and I choose the way I say it, I'm no longer a victim. If I can say these things, maybe I can say anything to anyone. Maybe I can ask for things I need. Or want. Maybe I won't be silent and frozen anymore.

Yes, she wants you to be in control of how it goes.

I totally want to put together a power point presentation. Ha.

Haha, do it. Do whatever you need to.

I did make the therapist a power point presentation one time.

You drive therapy.

Regardless of what your therapist may or may not be up to, if you take the opportunity to inhabit yourself with a sense of agency, that is a powerful thing.

I did the equivalent of a book report when I was approaching traumatic material. I wrote out the start of a narrative of each thing. I made my therapist read each aloud so I was sure he knew what I was talking about. And then I went on to narrate the more difficult part of the trauma. It worked great.

That's a good idea. I need a beginning. I can talk about almost anything, it's just the starting part. And in this case, the not stopping. Uh, so pretty much everything. Ha.

It's good for her to let you have control, critical to healing trauma- but taking control can absolutely mean you saying to her that you need help beginning. For example:

"Hey, I have a really painful topic I want to talk about. Will you ask me some questions to help me get started."

Or it can be you writing about it first and giving her that.

Or even that PowerPoint.

I know I used music extensively to convey some of my abuse experience and found it powerful and healing.

My to asked me if I was ready to process something. I said no, not yet. He said he wouldn't ask again, it's up to me when I'm ready. So my guess is your t thinks you'll know when you're ready and you'll bring it up b