[Favorite Jeans]

This is a bit of a mystery to me and I'm trying to figure it out.

I often miss therapy between sessions and feel like in a perfect world I'd get to go more. But therapy rarely makes me feel good. Even after "good" sessions I usually feel broody and miserable for a good 24-48 hours. Or anxious and jittery. It's like I'm a junkie for the fleeting high of being understood and am willing to submit myself to this endless cycle of pain, longing and anticipation and then withdrawal, or even --melodrama alert!-- abandonment, for fifteen or twenty minutes of kindness and acceptance each week. It's not even like the "good" feeling lasts the whole session.

I like my T a lot but it feels weird to miss someone I really don't know. I'm not even sure that she is what/who I miss. She might just be, I dunno, a vehicle for empathy and understanding or something. I have tried to replace that hour with various treats, journaling, walks etc. Those things are fine but they don't really function as a replacement.

If you miss your T between sessions or when one of you is away, what is it exactly that you wish you had?

[Perna]

I miss the rapport and intellectual stimulation of trying to figure Me out with someone else I'm taking a memoir writing class now through UCLA and think that will come close in some ways.

[precaryous]

I don't know how to describe what I miss....but missing T feels like intense "homesickness" to me.

[sweepy62]

That's a great question, with my old t, I missed just sitting down with someone who knew me, laughed with me, called me out, went through all the emotions with me genuinely .
Kept my secrets.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[granite1]

I don't always miss my T but sometimes I do for various reasons. like sometimes I just feel horrible and not safe and I can feel safe sitting in her office . other times it is the complete opposite and I cant stand sitting in her office or that chair. I cant figure it all out it is completely confusing so most times I just ignore the missing her feeling

[stopdog]

I don't feel understood by the therapist, but I do like the clear ability fight with someone and have it not matter.
The second one I see, I don't usually think about at all one way or the other.

[coolibrarian]

I miss being able to feel any and all emotions that may come up, and not have the other person (T) get defensive because of something I may say. I miss the gentleness and warmth of her voice. I miss not having to "do" anything; the fact that I can sit there and say and do nothing, and no one is making demands on my time...I miss that. I miss the feeling I get when I know she understands the transference, and doesn't try to rationalize things.

I think what we miss is exactly what we missed from childhood, it's not even about our ts, I have had a few ts and missed them all between sessions and what I have come to accept is that is doesn't matter who fills this need for me. The needs to be heard and understood, the feeling of somebody encouraging me and wanting to understand me. These are the things I never got before therapy and I get addicted then because the need is so strong.

[OneWorld]

If I missed something, it would be the freedom to be real without judgement.

I sometimes miss actually seeing her when we talk, since we do only phone sessions now, the funny squiggly eyebrow look she does, her warm smile, that stuff I miss. I feel very connected when we talk so that's all good, sometimes I guess I just miss the physical presence of her while we're talking, I dunno. I don't so much miss her between sessions anymore. Sometimes but not like I used to!

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[healed84]

I think it depends on a lot of things when I think or say I miss T.

Sometimes, I miss the connection with another human being who gets me and who isn't judgmental.

Sometimes, I do miss him. I miss the conversations we have and how safe I feel when I am with him. He is the first man (other than my husband) with whom I feel a connection with. Granted- this is client/T connection, but even still... to say I feel safe with a guy in a room for an hour a week.. is huge!

Sometimes, I miss the me time.. I really enjoy the hour I get for therapy. Which includes the time that I wait in the waiting room and the time that I talk to T about nothing, but myself. With two kids, a husband, and 16 students all school year... it is nice to have that time!

Since my t is on the other side of the world for several years, i miss her sooo much. I especially miss her hugs and holding her hand. I miss making direct eye contact with her- even on skype, we are not really looking directly at each other. I miss having privacy, our husbands are always in the other rooms, or even if we talk while we go for a walk there end up being other people around. I miss how tender she is in real life, like playing with my hair or touching my arm. I miss this aura of gentleness that she puts off. I miss having an actual schedule of when we can plan to talk, instead of just trying to catch each other and trying to make our schedules match up. I miss going for walks, going out for lunch, going out for ice cream, taking our dogs for walks.i miss going to the park, i miss her coming over to my house, i miss yelling at her because she drives like a crazy person.

[BonnieJean]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

This is a bit of a mystery to me and I'm trying to figure it out.

I often miss therapy between sessions and feel like in a perfect world I'd get to go more. But therapy rarely makes me feel good. Even after "good" sessions I usually feel broody and miserable for a good 24-48 hours. Or anxious and jittery. It's like I'm a junkie for the fleeting high of being understood and am willing to submit myself to this endless cycle of pain, longing and anticipation and then withdrawal, or even --melodrama alert!-- abandonment, for fifteen or twenty minutes of kindness and acceptance each week. It's not even like the "good" feeling lasts the whole session.

I like my T a lot but it feels weird to miss someone I really don't know. I'm not even sure that she is what/who I miss. She might just be, I dunno, a vehicle for empathy and understanding or something. I have tried to replace that hour with various treats, journaling, walks etc. Those things are fine but they don't really function as a replacement.

If you miss your T between sessions or when one of you is away, what is it exactly that you wish you had?

Oh wow - I could have written this. All of it.

[growlycat]

I miss interacting with someone who makes my problems seem manageable. On my own, things seem overwhelming to deal with but T helps me break things down into manageable tasks. I mean, I think I'm smart enough to do that on my own but my emotions overwhelm any logical thoughts.

I miss the attentiveness most of all--being in the same room with someone who won't judge me, and seems to like me, and is helping to care for me. As a kid the parents would either check out and not get involved or get angry at me for every little action; hell, every little thought was "stupid" to them.

I feel like I will always need a surrogate guide of some sort. A kind, calm, warm and patient person to help ground me and untangle it all.

[Soccer mom]

I'm so glad you asked this! I'm in my longest break and have tried to figure out what I miss or exactly what this feeling is. You're right - it's the most intense the first day or two after seeing my T. Almost like a longing. Someone once called it a hangover. I'm not even sure what I really miss - I guess like everyone - someone to listen, ask me my feelings. I grew up learning to stuff my feelings inside - not allowed to cry.
Do you have transference? That could be why it's so hard to label the feelings. My mom passed away in May and so I really don't know what these feelings are because I never had them toward my mom or anyone else. Or maybe I never learned how to "label" my emotions. I'm usually a mess the day or two after and then as the next session gets closer I get in a much better mood. I hate that it affects me this way and hope it lessens as time goes on.

[Parley]

I don't know, yet.

[feralkittymom]

Great topic. My experience was much the same as yours, FJ. The cycle of the anxiousness before and sadness after never really changed for me, and I finally came to accept it as just the way my body reacted, knowing it didn't necessarily hold meaning about therapy or the relationship. Almost like an energy reaction to emotion, after a lifetime of being numb.

I never struggled with abandonment feelings, and my connection was consistent from early on in the relationship. The sense of missing him during the therapy years I think was missing the psychological and emotional space to exist, to be seen, to be accepted, to viscerally feel cared for. Even during painful sessions, there was always the experience of mattering: that I wasn't alone in my experience. That was very powerful. Post therapy, I've missed his presence--the experience of sharing space with him and the moment-to-moment experience of shared feeling. And I suppose I've somewhat missed the space, that time and place as a respite from life "outside." But I don't really miss "therapy." I can generally carry that on in my own head; it's internal and usually not even conscious. And while we're in contact and the relationship is more equitable, it's also more "ordinary." That's not a bad thing, just different.

Someone who accepted me. Someone who made me laugh. Someone who brought out feelings that I knew were there but could not share with anyone else. Someone who seemed to genuinely care. Someone to share accomplishments and sorrow with.

Challenging conversation without fear of losing the relationship. Exchanging ideas about situations and discussing the best way to handle things.

[SilentTrice]

When I miss my T between sessions I'm missing the compassion and the understanding that my T gives. I also miss the sound of his voice because its so relaxing to me.

[lunatic soul]

At this moment I miss his hugs and wish he would be near.

I miss the relationship. The chemistry.

[Bells129]

It's hard for me to explain why I miss my T...

I don't miss our sessions for the work we do, I miss them because I don't get to see and spend time with her. I crave the conversations we have that aren't therapy related, I love it when she gives me genuine smiles and laughter at something I said...I think I just have a big fat transference crush on her and seeing her is like my 'fix'.

[PeeJay]

Doh!

I typed a long response but when I clicked post, the system had logged me out.

It was a long way of saying that I miss and crave a safe space. And that "being seen" is scary when it happens, but at the same time, I need it to thrive in my daily life and not feel so alone.

[InRealLife45]

lol good question.

I think I just miss the calming/comforting feel of her presence. I really hate to say this, bc I fight against doing any exercises related to it so much, but- I like her energy. I like the comfort.

[Aloneandafraid]

Such a great thread. Thank you for sharing. I miss the safe, calm space and her calming influence. I am currently in the middle of an 8 week vacation break and I am really struggling. I am afraid I will never regain any connection and I am questioning the reality of the relationship. This thread is very well timed - thank you so much.