Mom

growlithing I can't drink because of my sui inpulses when drinking. Please go to sleep and look for a new pdoc first thing in the morning.

Growli you seem a lot more coherent now than you first started posting tonight so I hope this means you are feeling better. Stay safe.

I know it's bad Growli, but the drink will only make it worse. Please stay safe.

It means I need to drink more because I can feel things again. I know it makes it worse.

I'm already trying to find a new T

Please don't Growli Scream into a pillow or throw things or go running - even up and down the stairs - or something. Being hungover isn't going to make it any easier to find a T.

I don't get hungover. I just hate everything.

Oh Growli, I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better All I can say is that you can't run from those feelings, no matter how hard you try.
I know it's late there, is there a way you can move around? Is it safe to go out? Do you have access to a gym or a pool? Making myself move is what works best for me when I need to distract myself.
Or could you call or text LCM?

I texted her. She said she's really worried and says I need help. She wanted to know exactly what's going on and how the T search has been going. She told me to look for a pdoc. I said no. She said I'm being ridiculous and I need a pdoc that I trust in order to get help for night terrors. She said she needs to know I'm being taken care of. I wish she could. I want a hug from her and I'm not sure I'll be able to see her this week.

Why can't LCM recommend some therapists? Can't you get a referral to a psychiatrist from a GP? I don't understand why nobody is helping you especially since you recently completed a residential treatment program. Was there a discharge plan?

Yes. The plan was I would begin DBT and continue with my old therapist. She terminated on me suddenly and didn't refer me to anyone.

The treatment program went under and no longer exists anymore. However, the person that I would have contacted had it still existed is LCM because she coordinated the plan. She says she doesn't know any T's that are trained in trauma.

I don't have a GP. Well, I have my old pediatrician in my parents' state. But she doesn't even know I have issues b

And I'm scared to get a real doctor because I'm worried they'll force me to go to OBGYN because I still haven't gone

LCM has to know other local therapists she can ask. What about the DBT therapist? Can that person help?

You are a university student right? Maybe you can try health services and ask the doctor to refer you to a therapist one that is not affiliated with the university. The doctor shouldn't bother you about an OBGYN appointment. That would only come up during a physical or if you had a problem that required intervention from that speciality.

Doctors are too busy to ask questions that have nothing to do with the purpose of the appointment. Go to a doctor on campus and tell them that you need a referral to a psychiatrist and then tell them why.

I've asked the school pdoc, school doctor, and school head of counseling if they could make a referral. Each time, they told me they do not make referrals or recommendations. It's so annoying. I could go in with a foot problem and get referred but not a mental issue.

I went to a local therapy clinic the other day. I have an intake on Weds. Maybe I could also ask about a pdoc

Hopefully. The meds given by pdocs aren't designed to be combined with alcohol, however.

Sorry you are feeling in a tough spot. Many T's and Pdocs don't want to treat someone misusing or abusing alcohol.

Finding that mental place where alcohol isn't self medicating is tough, yet, very possible.

Wishing you the best of luck.

If you want to pm me maybe I can help you locate T's and pdocs in Boston that you take your insurance and that you could work with. I work at a hospital so there are resources here that can help find available providers.

Well that's dumb because people who are abusing it might need more help. I can always just lie. I'm taking psych meds and drinking now and it isn't killing me. Not now as in literally as I'm writing this. But in the past. I had a dumb day when I took adderall 10 mins after drinking because it was 6am and I needed to take it. But I was okay.

LCM is maybe more worried about me drinking in the dorms because I'm technically not allowed to do that. I'm on a dry floor and could get in trouble. Plus when I drink I tend to talk too much and my best friend is an RA. Who would have to report me if I told her I drank in the dorms. She already has to report the fact that I took too much meds to avoid a night terror because I told her last night.

And I agree with you here. I can't imagine a T or pdoc turning you away because you drink/abuse alcohol. That's part of the job, so don't worry about that. I wouldn't drink before a session or tell too much at first though, as a precaution.

They might not turn you away, but they won't prescribe you anything knowing you drink. They could be held liable if you die.

And although you haven't seen an effect yet, you could be doing unknown damage to your liver and kidneys, killing them off slowly. It's not something you would realize until they started to shut down. And by then, it's too late.

growlithing can you switch to a non-dry floor?

No. I tried to be on the 21+ floor and I was going to be on it, but things changed.

Lots of people drink despite whatever meds they are on. I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Also lots of people drive while drunk and they don't have any accident but it doesn't mean that it is not dangerous... I wish you all the best andI hope you'll find great trauma T and pdoc. Good luck, fortunately you don't have to spend so much time at home anymore, right?

..... okay that was a clear checkmate on the meds and drinking issue.

No, I actually have to go back there more because the dorms close a few times throughout the year.