[archipelago]

It sounds like people have had very different experiences with therapists, both from each other and also if they have had more than one. I'm wondering what people care about in terms of a good therapist.

Like do you care what their training is? or what specific areas they have more knowledge of?

Do you care if they are intelligent? or is it more that they are skilled? or that they are interpersonally attuned?

What are other things you care about?

[stopdog]

I don't particularly care about specific training. I will not engage with CBT but general psychodynamic seems to be the least offensive for me. I care very much that they stay back away from me. I do prefer intelligence and being well-read. Only one of the two I see now is such, but the other is better at staying back. So I have choices about what I deal with at the different appointments. I also care a lot about age and gender - I only see those older than I am and female.

[Petra5ed]

I guess I care how much I get them, maybe the word for that is "attunement?" I certainly care about how much they seem to care about me, and how they get me or don't. I would say being generally intelligent and skilled would be high up there. As for specific training, maybe. I like talking therapies, so I wouldn't be keen to a purely CBT therapist I don't think. I think I like therapists with a mix of training, it would seem dangerous do work with someone who say only did Freudian analysis.

I care what kind of people they are, what their sense of morality is, what their personal hobbies and interests are. I'm not too picky I don't think, but I do care. I think I just need to be able to relate to them as a person that I like.

[HazelGirl]

I'm more interested in whether they take the time to get to know me, and are attuned to me than anything else. I don't think certain modalities would work, such as CBT, and I would like them to do more than a psychoanalytic T would, but other than that, just being on the same wavelength as me is most important.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My biggest requirement was that my T not remind me in any way of my mother. My first two T's felt very similar to my mother in personality, and they simply did not have the knowledge or experience to help me with my issues.

My current T is very similar to me in personality type, which I find helpful, as she can more easily understand where I'm coming from. Also, my current T is very intelligent and experienced, which means that I have more confidence in her abilities.

Basically, I prefer a T that is more introverted, okay with silences, very perceptive, willing to admit when she doesn't have an answer but also willing to take the time to find an answer or help me come up with one. I find I work better with someone that is well read and can match my intelligence.

[Terabithia]

caring about me, listening, the knowledge to give me practical advice because of her own firm grip on how to have a good relationship and how to perceive the world or my daily interactions with people in a healthy way.

[archipelago]

I hadn't really thought this through entirely for myself so I am genuinely curious about people's responses.

I used to think that intelligence was really important and it still is. My current therapist is extraordinarily smart (studied astrophysics at Harvard), but he doesn't "lead" with intellect. It's there, he's quick, and remembers everything, and knows a huge amount, but he is remarkably humble.

I guess it is like for others his attunement that really matters. In that he is uncanny and can almost without much expression on my part pick up on mental states and tiny shifts. Sometimes it leads to empathy. Other times to feeling understood. Both are important to me, even more so than support or emotion.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Feeling safe with them is my biggest requirement...many other things factor in, but if I don't feel safe - I know it won't work. Everything else is secondary for me

[msxyz]

I care about age (older than me), gender (male), being bright, being well-educated as in well read etc, patient and not pushy, commitment, not religious, a certain degree of humility, non judgmental.

I would not do CBT.

[atomicc]

I hope you all don't mind I'm taking this all into account Thanks for sharing!

[archipelago]

Hijacking my own thread: I'm struck by how many have mentioned CBT as not something they would like, especially since I didn't ask about theoretical orientation. That is fascinating to me. Since CBT is pushed so hard as THE treatment, here are people volunteering that they don't think so. To reveal my hand, I have very big doubts about CBT and am way more into psychodynamic, but didn't think many were.

Experience is important, as is intelligence. I don't think CBT would work for me, but have never tried it. I like having T whose first degree is as a psychiatrist, because it means he can also manage my medication. I found it very helpful to get a therapist who has a background in academia, because he can understand some of my work issues better than my previous therapist could.

The really important thing is having a T who understands me, though. A female T doesn't work for me - there are things I can't talk to a female about. Obviously that's my problem, not a problem with the Ts, but that's how it is.

[Can't Stop Crying]

My current T is primarily CBT.....there are many aspects of CBT that I agree with in terms of countering negative thought processes/self - view. But, we have gone far beyond that and CBT is more of a tool than the primary focus. Also, my thoughts on what made a good T have evolved quite dramatically....I never thought I could trust a male T, but here I am.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by atomicc

I hope you all don't mind I'm taking this all into account Thanks for sharing!

Good for getting the real perspective as you work on becoming the best T you can be....maybe need to start a thread on bad T's....I could write a book!

Sorry, done with the hijacking, back on topic.....

[vonmoxie]

I care that they make more than bare minimum effort.
I care that they take my own knowledge into consideration. Two heads are better than one.
I care that they are able to be honest with me, and are able to work with some degree of transparency.
I care that they understand the need to avoid conflicts of interest, and do so.

I do all these things for them, and am not even getting paid. There might be other things I'd "like", but as I've yet not even been able to find more than two out of these four qualities in a single therapist, I can't even get that far.

Integrity is the greatest asset.

Originally Posted by archipelago

Hijacking my own thread: I'm struck by how many have mentioned CBT as not something they would like, especially since I didn't ask about theoretical orientation.

I admit that I interpreted "do you care what their training is" to mean "which type of therapy they are trained in" - where I live, psychotherapists are trained as PDT or CBT therapists in their basic training, and can pursue other modalities later.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I admit that I interpreted "do you care what their training is" to mean "which type of therapy they are trained in" - where I live, psychotherapists are trained as PDT or CBT therapists in their basic training, and can pursue other modalities later.

Yes - I thought the question carried an element of this also.

[archipelago]

Oh okay. I meant what level of degree and other qualifications they hold. And a little bit if they have specific training in an area, say like trauma.

[Terabithia]

It's strange for me to say this because I never would have thought I felt this way, but I don't think training or a degree amounts to much, as long as the counselor has the wisdom and instinct to know how to work with me. If I were dealing with trauma, I would want a reference and a person with training specifically for that, instead of sharing my trauma with the counselor not knowing whether or not she knows how to handle this in a sensitive and productive way.

I do want a licenced psychotherapist, both because it means that they have a long education and an adequate amount of training, and because it means that they have gone through therapy themselves. And even though I do by default trust a professional to do their job, it is important that if they should be negligent or screw up, they are accountable to the health and welfare board, who can remove their right to practice.

[archipelago]

Yeah, it also matters to me that my therapist has so much training. Med school, Chief resident of a locked unit, professor of clinical psych at a big med school, then later became an analyst so more training with a doctorate and most important went through his own analysis.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by archipelago

It sounds like people have had very different experiences with therapists, both from each other and also if they have had more than one. I'm wondering what people care about in terms of a good therapist.

Like do you care what their training is? or what specific areas they have more knowledge of?

Do you care if they are intelligent? or is it more that they are skilled? or that they are interpersonally attuned?

What are other things you care about?

I care that they have the proper credentials and are licensed. I couldn't care less if they are a Social Worker, LMHC, PsyD, PhD, or NP. I also don't care where they went to graduate school, so long as they went to one.

To me, it's important that they are have experience with the disorders they say they do. For my daughter, I've seen so many clinical psychologists and psychiatrists who list autism as a specialty and they know about as much as anyone can find on the internet. I've known more than some of them have and it burns me because it's such a waste of everyone's time.

Otherwise, sincerity, empathy, intelligence, and an ability to think outside the box are most important for me. I like someone who has an eclectic approach. People are so different that I think a good T needs to be aware that one type of therapy does not work for all. So they should be versed in more than one therapeutic approach and be willing to mix it up a little. Lastly, I like someone who is direct and doesn't coddle me. If they think I might be sabotaging myself or if I'm inconsistent, I want them to tell me. Be nice about it of course . I can't stand a T who is passive and indirect. There is a way to be kind and honest at the same time, and for me, it's really important.

[archipelago]

You mentioned thinking outside the box. That's cool. I wonder if others care about that too?

My therapist is an open-minded free thinking type. He has told me that often it is the outside of the box things that end up mattering. Apparently there is a book about that but I forgot the title…something like outside the box maybe.

[Lauliza]

Yeah to be flexibile in how one approaches things is important to me. I actually like CBT and DBT, I think both have their place and can work wonders. I think people who have negative experiences with it have Ts that may be very rigid in how they use it. It's the same with the talking therapies, sometimes you have to be a little creative for it to succeed. But I know when you have very definite ideas or set values in place it can be hard to think outside the box. I sometimes think too far outside and need to be drawn back in I just think it's better for me to work with someone who's willing to try something they might not normally choose for themselves if they think it would benefit their client.