[CastlesInTheAir]

Ask for names? Like say you are talking about a current relationship you are having, and then say what;s his name? Why does it matter? It made me nervous for some reason. My pdoc did the same thing today. I mean its just a first name but I still was taken back, made me paranoid.

[stopdog]

I use X Y and Z. It is also possible to make up different names.

[Favorite Jeans]

Well it's kind of weird to continually call someone "my son" or "my wife" and never use their name. It's like you're always talking to a vague acquaintance. Also, it's helpful after awhile not to constantly have to remind T "you know how I have three sisters?" If T knows their names it's easier for them to keep your stories straight and remember stuff about you.

My t is funny - I tell her names, but she forgets, what she remembers is other stuff. Like when I refer to one of my sisters she'll say "which one is that, the one who's out and lives with a female partner? or the one that lives near your Mother?" I would think it would be easier to remember their names than the whole story lol!!

[HazelGirl]

Mine does it because it's easier for her to keep track of people.

[stopdog]

The one I see can't seem to keep up with XYZ and so I use blackacre, whiteacre and greenacre sometimes.

[Wren_]

I understand the why of it as far as the reasons others have given ... but something about it always leaves me feeling unsettled or as though they are being overly intrusive and pushy

[CastlesInTheAir]

I don't like it because even though I am only giving a first name I feel like I am inflicting upon that person's privacy. Say we all run into each other and get introduced, I wouldn't feel right. wish I woulda thought about it at my first appointment. Wonder if I can change this up and tell her to erase his name...lol....and use something else like "him1" "him2" and "her1" lol...or letters g, h, k lol

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by CastlesInTheAir

I don't like it because even though I am only giving a first name I feel like I am inflicting upon that person's privacy. Say we all run into each other and get introduced, I wouldn't feel right. wish I woulda thought about it at my first appointment. Wonder if I can change this up and tell her to erase his name...lol....and use something else like "him1" "him2" and "her1" lol...or letters g, h, k lol

That sounds like way too much work for a hypothetical situation that will probably never happen.

[CastlesInTheAir]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

That sounds like way too much work for a hypothetical situation that will probably never happen.

yeah I have paranoia issues as well....especially when my anxiety hits the roof as does happen while in session...

I think T's try to familiarise themselves with your 'life'... A way to step inside your experience...

[Debbie07]

Originally Posted by CastlesInTheAir

Ask for names? Like say you are talking about a current relationship you are having, and then say what;s his name? Why does it matter? It made me nervous for some reason. My pdoc did the same thing today. I mean its just a first name but I still was taken back, made me paranoid.

Just to know how to refer to them, it's much easier to use names vs. he/she/your significant other, etc.

[StillSearching11]

I actually try not to mention names to my therapists because I feel like it's unfair to expect them to keep names straight when they have hundreds of clients.

[anilam]

Yeah i think it helps them remembering... Initials are good (if you don't know many ppl with same initials) but xyz would be confusing...First names=no harms done. Anyway, even if you didn't name them and met, your T would still be able to say who is who by their roles- like my partner/friend/...
That is why I don't plan on meeting my T or socializing if we do meet outside the therapy room.

I do regret telling him my real name though...:/

[rothfan6]

I don't usually give my t names. He will comment once if we're talking about someone and he doesn't know their name but wants to reference them. Usually something about "I don't know their name but it's ok not to tell me". I think it probably makes it less confusing if did use names but it's working ok.

[someone321]

Hmm, my T has never asked for any name and I have never mentioned any name, I always say like: my boss, my husband, my sister, my middle niece, my youngest niece, my friend who... I'm curious if it makes my T confused a bit... But as I'm from different country than my T, most names which I use would be difficult for my T to pronounce or even remember...

ETA: Actually only once, at the first session, T asked me if I could tell her the name of my previous T. She said that it was because she refers many people to other Ts and she wouldn't like to refer any to him but she would never use it in any other way. I thought that it was a good reasoning so I told her, of course it appeared that she knows him, they are not good friends but still and sometimes she refers to him by his name (and even more like e.g. Bob instead of Robert)...

I usually mention people's names if I talk about them with T - it just makes it easier to keep people apart. Since I trust T not to tell anybody else what I have been saying about myself, I obviously trust him not to divulge what I say about other people. And he is not interested in those other people as such, only in my relationships with them and what they mean to me.

But it would be pretty weird if I were to say "A friend of mine told me..." and T were to ask "What's the friend's name?", though. If I don't mention the names, T never asks.

[iheartjacques]

At least mine keeps track of people. Think of it as characters from a soap opera.

[ThisWayOut]

I generally use names when talking about people after I introduce their relationship to me. I've never had a problem with thrash except recently in talking about my abusive ex. I know he still lives in this area and I believe I remember hearing he is married to Clinician.. I worried that, if my t knew him outside of work, she would doubt me or change her opinion. I know this fear comes from the fact that I had told a friend about his behaviors and she pretty much told me I was lying because "he's such a great guy. We hang out all the time!". That t and I had conversations regarding my fears. She reassured me and I did give her his name, but it was still weird for me.

[Myrto]

My T has never asked me about names. When I mention other people, I say my dad, my mom, my brother, my friend I've know for 10 years, my coworker, etc.
Either she has a really good memory or she doesn't find it necessary to know their names, I don't know.
But if she ever asked me, point blank, "oh what's the name of the friend you've just mentioned?" I have to say, I'd find it quite weird and a breach of privacy.

[BlessedRhiannon]

My T has told me that it helps her to follow the story if I use names rather than just descriptors. It also helps her to remember the things I tell her if I use names.

[archipelago]

I like that mine asks and then consistently uses the names I give him. It feels like he's gotten it more.

In one case though it was somewhat problematic. A close friend had a son seeing him, which somehow we were both aware of without explicitly mentioning it. So when I was have some serious problems with this friend, he actually knew her and understood in a way that he didn't explicitly convey, but I could tell that he also got what I was saying. He really can't cross the line of confidentiality and didn't, but because I knew that he knew her, I felt understood and like I didn't have to explain as much.

[kororain]

I always use names, but find T still gets confused. At my previous job, I had Boss Man and Big Boss Man. I had guy friend and romantic guy friend... she would always confuse the characters. So I would still give them titles when we were talking.

I've never felt uncomfortable giving the first names of my family members (ie. sisters, brother etc) because none of them live in the same state I do, but I have always been careful to refer to friends and/or service providers in vague terms (ie. my good friend, my son's caseworker etc). I have done this because I live in a small town and work professionally with some of the people I wanted to discuss in therapy and I felt it was important for me to protect their identity, mainly because I know there is always two sides to every conflict

I did regret one incident when I was angrily talking about my best friend's husband hitting on me, asking me if I was interested in having an affair. I was crazy with rage over this incident (and honestly horrified that he'd even think I'd agree to hurt my friend like this) and in therapy I blurted my friend's first name and her husband's name. I was immediately horrified because her name is unique and he was a well-respected therapist in town, known both socially and professionally by my therapist. She handled it really well, never reacted and continued the conversation with me as if nothing uncomfortable or inappropriate had been revealed. She also empathized with me in a very genuine way about what had happened and she let me know she believed what I was talking about. I have to admit though, it made me more cognizant of how impulsive and frantic I get when I'm talking about betrayals--made me realize I need to slooooow down a bit when talking!