[ThingWithFeathers]

I had been doing so well the last few weeks, I had a glimmer of hope and a feeling about life I hadn't had for such a long time. Now, all of a sudden, I feel awful again. With no obvious trigger, one second I was okay and the next a feeling of overwhelming sadness, loneliness and emptiness rushed through my body. And it won't lift. My T's away and I'm alone with my feelings and my thoughts ...

I'm sorry you are not feeling great.

[RedSun]

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Please don't feel that this has undone all the good work you've achieved though. Maybe you've just created a space where you can let all these feelings through? That glimmer of hope WILL come back, you will feel positive again. It will be okay.
Can you have a nice treat, look after yourself? A bubbly bath, a walk somewhere beautiful?
Thinking of you x

[Sinking Feeling]

It can happen just like that for me too plus a ton of anxiety. Out of the blue! I can some times find the trigger, other times there doesn't seem to be one. We are all going to have some bad days or times like that, even when we seemed to be doing so much better. It's a temporary thing usually! Hang in there, you will feel better again soon.

[HazelGirl]

This happens to me, too. It's always temporary. My T says it's an emotional flashback because I feel secure enough to start letting those emotions back into my world.

Originally Posted by Red75

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Please don't feel that this has undone all the good work you've achieved though. Maybe you've just created a space where you can let all these feelings through? That glimmer of hope WILL come back, you will feel positive again. It will be okay.
Can you have a nice treat, look after yourself? A bubbly bath, a walk somewhere beautiful?
Thinking of you x

I second this comment. Very true.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Thanks for the support. I just don't deal well with feelings - they scare me because I have never been taught to recognise, accept or cope with emotions. I went for a walk (thanks for the suggestion Red75), but still am struggling so have turned to alcohol and a lot of cannabis. Can I ask a question? I'm struggling with strong self harm urges and suicidal thoughts, at what stage would you reach out to a crisis number (general crisis counselling, T's organisation or psych team)?

[SabinaS]

Feathers, I would reach out now as it sounds as though you are in crisis from your last post. You said that your T is away, I wonder if this could be the trigger? How long is your T away for and can you call them?

Keep posting here when you can

[ThingWithFeathers]

Thanks for your kind words, SabinaS. My T's away for another 3 more weeks.I can't contact her, but I do have the number of a colleague and the organisation crisis line. I really don't want to overreact by calling the crisis line, so I might see how I am in a few hours - see if can get some sleep. I will keep posting if needed x

[SabinaS]

Sleep is a good idea, especially if you need it. Are you prone to increased paranoia while using drink and cannabis? If so, try to go easy on them if you can - although they might help getting you to sleep, they aren't great for good, restful sleep.

I find writing can be helpful, getting thoughts out of my head often helps with the confusion. x x

[HazelGirl]

Yes, it sounds like if you want to reach for alcohol and drugs, and want to cut, that's a crisis and something you can be talking to the crisis team about without "overreacting". Also, reaching out to the other T to help sounds like a good idea at this point.

[precaryous]

Feathers, I hope you're getting some rest.

Yes, I would contact your T's colleague. You say you have three more weeks before T returns. Can you make an appointment to see the colleague, too? Three weeks can seem like a long time without support. It would feel that way for me. Having an appointment or two with the colleague in the meantime can feel stabilizing.

The fact that you have recently felt a glimmer of hope is proof that you can feel that way again. Take care.

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

I had been doing so well the last few weeks, I had a glimmer of hope and a feeling about life I hadn't had for such a long time. Now, all of a sudden, I feel awful again. With no obvious trigger, one second I was okay and the next a feeling of overwhelming sadness, loneliness and emptiness rushed through my body. And it won't lift. My T's away and I'm alone with my feelings and my thoughts ...

Feathers, I could have written the same exact thing. Things were looking positive, then all of the sudden, everything is hopeless and painful again.

It's so hard to go back to that awful emotional place after thinking it was over. There are many people here who will support you. We care.

[3furrykidsmom]

Food for thought: Being clay that has "went through the fire" and not allowed yourself to become porcelain. I.E. self-love, believing you deserve good things....

[ThingWithFeathers]

Well, I got some restless sleep. Still feeling awful but will drag myself to work to distract myself. Thanks for all your support. Will post again tonight xx