[DelusionsDaily]

So, I got to see T tonight because of a cancellation. We started dissecting the very beginning of my relationship with x-pdoc. T wants me to journal about what it is I don't get elsewhere now that I got from him. UGH! Why does this man refuse to stop renting space in my head? I'm failing miserably at letting go of this man!!!! Grrr!!!

On another note, my T received the records I requested from the hospital. I started to read it and decided it would be best if she siphoned out the info I was looking for instead of me. She agreed that was the better idea. Now waiting for the doctors office to send the records I requested...I have a feeling he might deny that request but we'll see.

[Raging Quiet]

Thinking of you.

[Wren_]

Her siphoning the info sounds better .... And hopefully easier for you to deal with
I hope they send the records you requested

[DelusionsDaily]

Well I figured out what it is I miss from x-pdoc...stability, safety, consistency, and structure. So, I emailed it to T just waiting a response. Probably at the end of the day.

[DelusionsDaily]

Here's more that I wrote after she replied to my email:

"What made x-pdoc appear as a father figure? The directness with which he applied the structure, safety, stability, and consistency to me. The predictability with which I could count on those things from him. Also, the firmness with which he made his decisions regarding me. Once he made a decision he stuck with it! This often created a power struggle but it was often one I only fought when sick, when well(or doing better anyway) we tended to agree more than fight and I more gratefully accepted those things from him. All things were applied emotionally and physically(from him), and physically(materially...ie:roof over head, etc) from dad."

That is directly from a journal entry.