[HealingTimes]

I am just wondering how easy/hard people have found it to talk about sex, sexuality or sexual experiences with their T?
I want to discuss these things with my T but I really feel embarrassed!

[stopdog]

I don't find sex all that difficult to talk about with anyone, including a therapist. It is not relevant to why I see a therapist, so it does not come up much, but when it has, sex itself has not been a hurdle for me.
The therapist has tried using more slang for male body parts a couple of times in reference to some things that went on as a child. But that was manipulation on her part and I simply scoffed and went on as I was. She admitted she had chosen the words for effect.

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

I am just wondering how easy/hard people have found it to talk about sex, sexuality or sexual experiences with their T?
I want to discuss these things with my T but I really feel embarrassed!

I don't know if you saw my post on another thread, but I nearly choked on the word 'handjob' the other week in therapy. I don't know what it is that makes it so difficult to talk about with T. I have decided to confront it head on by writing a graphic sexual poem that I plan to read to T. I figure that if I've already said all those things it won't be as difficult to bring them up in future.
Just have to pluck up the courage to read it now

[grimtopaz]

You know what's odd. I work on a field were I have had "patients" in another modality, and I find it incredibly easy to talk to ask about sex/give advice/and hear them talk about sex. I honestly just handle it like another topic.

Even so, I have a hard time talking to my therapist about it - I think it has to do with a couple of things: 1) She is a beautiful woman and I'm attracted to her (I'm female), 2) She has never asked about sex even at times I thought it would have been relevant.

Essentially, I can talk to anyone about sex except my therapist! I wonder if I'm picking up on some slight discomfort in her part.

It is very difficult. I never talk about sex with anybody - I never have, so I'm not sure what is okay to say or not. (No, I know that everything and anything is okay to say to T, but knowing that intellectually is one thing, acting on it is another!)

It helps that T is male, because I can't even imagine talking to a female about anything that has to do with sex or bodies. It also helps that he is a medical doctor and is extremely matter-of-fact and clinical in that kind of discussion.

[Mike_J]

Very difficult topic to talk about, but I'm sure that your therapist has heard it all before. And I would tell you not to feel embarrassed but we both know it's not that easy.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I find it very difficult to talk about. But little by little, I'm figuring out how I can comfortably verbalize it. I don't like slang words, but clinical words are embarrassing for me to say. So I use words like: intimate, in the mood, chest, pelvic region, etc.

[unaluna]

I prefer the word crotch

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by hankster

I prefer the word crotch

you just brighten my day

[sweepy62]

Eeeekkkkkkkkk, i run far from that topic

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't find sex all that difficult to talk about with anyone, including a therapist. It is not relevant to why I see a therapist, so it does not come up much, but when it has, sex itself has not been a hurdle for me.
The therapist has tried using more slang for male body parts a couple of times in reference to some things that went on as a child. But that was manipulation on her part and I simply scoffed and went on as I was. She admitted she had chosen the words for effect.

I would hate it if my T tried to use slang words for sex stuff and/or body parts. I am very much a 'use proper words' kind of person too.

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I don't know if you saw my post on another thread, but I nearly choked on the word 'handjob' the other week in therapy. I don't know what it is that makes it so difficult to talk about with T. I have decided to confront it head on by writing a graphic sexual poem that I plan to read to T. I figure that if I've already said all those things it won't be as difficult to bring them up in future.
Just have to pluck up the courage to read it now

I didn't see that thread, I might look it up Who was saying the word 'handjob', you or your T? I am not sure which I would prefer, me talking about sex or her trying to talk about it with me!

Originally Posted by grimtopaz

You know what's odd. I work on a field were I have had "patients" in another modality, and I find it incredibly easy to talk to ask about sex/give advice/and hear them talk about sex. I honestly just handle it like another topic.

Even so, I have a hard time talking to my therapist about it - I think it has to do with a couple of things: 1) She is a beautiful woman and I'm attracted to her (I'm female), 2) She has never asked about sex even at times I thought it would have been relevant.

Essentially, I can talk to anyone about sex except my therapist! I wonder if I'm picking up on some slight discomfort in her part.

It sounds more like when you are talking about it to patients you are talking about THEIR sex lives/experiences/opinions, not yours. Talking about your own stuff is always more embarrassing and difficult.
I am so glad that I am not attracted to my T as that would definitely make it more difficult!
I think the poem is a great idea, as once you say the graphic words it may be OK to say them again in a different context. Good luck!

Originally Posted by Mastodon

It is very difficult. I never talk about sex with anybody - I never have, so I'm not sure what is okay to say or not. (No, I know that everything and anything is okay to say to T, but knowing that intellectually is one thing, acting on it is another!)

It helps that T is male, because I can't even imagine talking to a female about anything that has to do with sex or bodies. It also helps that he is a medical doctor and is extremely matter-of-fact and clinical in that kind of discussion.

Yes, knowing that its OK to talk about ANYTHING is very different from actually verbalising the words isn't it!

Originally Posted by Mike_J

Very difficult topic to talk about, but I'm sure that your therapist has heard it all before. And I would tell you not to feel embarrassed but we both know it's not that easy.

Thanks Mike Yes, definitely not that easy!

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I find it very difficult to talk about. But little by little, I'm figuring out how I can comfortably verbalize it. I don't like slang words, but clinical words are embarrassing for me to say. So I use words like: intimate, in the mood, chest, pelvic region, etc.

That's good..i generally just point to the general area and say "you know......"

Originally Posted by hankster

I prefer the word crotch

Me too!

Originally Posted by sweepy62

Eeeekkkkkkkkk, i run far from that topic

So have I, up till now!

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

I didn't see that thread, I might look it up Who was saying the word 'handjob', you or your T? I am not sure which I would prefer, me talking about sex or her trying to talk about it with me!

I was trying to tell him something my husband said during that particular activity (it was relevant!) I tried to say it, but ended up saying "doing something sexual".
T said it was funny that I tried to avoid the word when I am so forthright and frank in my writing. (A lot easier than talking though!)

[Can't Stop Crying]

it was very difficult at first, but got easier with time, but it's still not easy by any means

he sometimes fills in the words that I am choking to get out

Hankster - keep your dirty mind away from this post even though you do crack me up!

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by Echos Myron

I was trying to tell him something my husband said during that particular activity (it was relevant!) I tried to say it, but ended up saying "doing something sexual".
T said it was funny that I tried to avoid the word when I am so forthright and frank in my writing. (A lot easier than talking though!)

Writing is much easier than saying it for sure. Although I'd be tempted to write it instead of saying it in the first instance, I think it feels important to me to verbalise it.

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

it was very difficult at first, but got easier with time, but it's still not easy by any means

he sometimes fills in the words that I am choking to get out

Hankster - keep your dirty mind away from this post even though you do crack me up!

Thanks, I hope that it does get easier...it never will unless I actually SAY IT!

I generally find it easy to talk about sex, but try to recognize that others will not be all that comfortable with it sometimes. Trigger warning for sexual discussion:



For instance, my H is not all that comfortable talking about sex. Our marriage counselor was remarkably dense sometimes. I was trying to explain how weirdly MUCH my H was talking at one point. Like talking incessantly. I tried to explain that H was talking while I was doing something that I knew he did not want me to stop doing to reply, so I thought he should just lie there and groan like a normal person and NOT TALK. MC just didn't get it until I spelled out that I was giving him a BJ and for me, acceptable BJ conversation is limited to my name, god's name, and 'faster' or 'slower,' and THAT'S IT. My H was horrified. MC about fell out of his chair laughing and I was unfazed.

Even when H was having sexual issues that it seemed like a marriage counselor could help with, he did not want MC to know about it or to discuss it with him.

I've had some difficulty talking to t about sex. Especially when I was trying to tell her I'd realized that I'm bisexual, that was so hard to say I finally did just blurt it out and of course it was no big deal. We've talked about it since cuz not long ago I met a woman that I've been totally crushing on and it's been weird cuz at the same time was going thru a rough patch in my marriage and not at all sure I wanted to be with my h anymore. So t asked what I missed about being with a woman, stuff like that. Uncomfortable, but easier than when we initially talked about the general topic. Maybe that was just cuz I had no one else to listen. I have not seen E. (the object of said crush) for several months so that has settled down. I've had dreams that t said were sexual in nature, that I didn't think were, and was totally embarrassed when she pointed it out. Glad that on the phone, she can't see how red my face gets.

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[Terabithia]

My psychiatrist sees patient after patient for 15 minutes at a time back to back. When I used to see him for 30 minutes I noticed times when he'd start to drift off a little. All I had to do was mention something about sex and he'd perk right up.

[Myrto]

Originally Posted by grimtopaz

You know what's odd. I work on a field were I have had "patients" in another modality, and I find it incredibly easy to talk to ask about sex/give advice/and hear them talk about sex. I honestly just handle it like another topic.

Even so, I have a hard time talking to my therapist about it - I think it has to do with a couple of things: 1) She is a beautiful woman and I'm attracted to her (I'm female), 2) She has never asked about sex even at times I thought it would have been relevant.

Essentially, I can talk to anyone about sex except my therapist! I wonder if I'm picking up on some slight discomfort in her part.

I'm the same. I can be super crude when discussing sex with friends. But suddenly with my T when I have to say anything relating to sex, even the word "sexual" gets stuck in my throat. I think it's because I feel like I'm talking about sex with my mom which is a horrifying prospect.

[JaneTennison1]

My T used to be reverend. I was super reluctant to discuss sex and actually still am. I'm sure she would be fine and says she doesn't mind but it's still tricky. Luckily I don't really have anything to say about sex so it's no big deal.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

he sometimes fills in the words that I am choking to get out
Hankster - keep your dirty mind away from this post even though you do crack me up!

I think thats projection!

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by hankster

I think thats projection!

Oh Geez!

[healed84]

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

I generally find it easy to talk about sex, but try to recognize that others will not be all that comfortable with it sometimes. Trigger warning for sexual discussion:



For instance, my H is not all that comfortable talking about sex. Our marriage counselor was remarkably dense sometimes. I was trying to explain how weirdly MUCH my H was talking at one point. Like talking incessantly. I tried to explain that H was talking while I was doing something that I knew he did not want me to stop doing to reply, so I thought he should just lie there and groan like a normal person and NOT TALK. MC just didn't get it until I spelled out that I was giving him a BJ and for me, acceptable BJ conversation is limited to my name, god's name, and 'faster' or 'slower,' and THAT'S IT. My H was horrified. MC about fell out of his chair laughing and I was unfazed.

Even when H was having sexual issues that it seemed like a marriage counselor could help with, he did not want MC to know about it or to discuss it with him.

Omg.. Thanks for that, I am not sure it was meant for me to LOL to, but I did.. Only because I can imagine having that same kind of convo with our mc and him not getting it either.

But it did open my eyes to something.. I was going to come here and say... its not my favorite topic to talk about with T, but it has gotten easier over time. Considering, I am dealing a lot with my sexuality, rape, csa, we have had a lot of conversations revolving around sex. However, I am not sure I could openly come out and say I give my husbands bjs (even if it was relevant to the conversation) so obviously I still have some hang ups.

OP- most Ts are very used to talking about sex.. it may feel awkward at first, but it does really seem to get easier over time!

I have been trying for three years and only lately have I brought it up but my T says it destabilises me, so we have backed off. We have only talked about it in a general and not very emotional semse.

[Bipolarchic14]

Ironically, I am ok discussing it but it is obvious she is uncomfortable...it makes me laugh.