High IQ and Therapy?

Anyone else have a high IQ that you believe interferes with therapy? Or finding a good therapist?

I especially had that problem when I first started into therapy after a 15 year career as a computer design engineer & absolutely NO concept of what therapy was all about.......they were always commenting that I was too smart & analytical.......then I would turn around & try to end my life.....they never did put the pieces together & we all thought it was the loss of my career........

But 7 years ago, I left my bad marriage of 33 years & it was amazing what I learned about those past years......& the psychologist now who works with DBT & the DBT group I am involved in for about 4 years now....is the best thing I have ever experienced because I find that it uses my IQ to figure things out & life is starting to really make sense that my mind can now understand.

High IQ or not, it is hard to find a good match for a therapist for each of us. It is important to keep looking if a T does not seem right for us that we don't mesh, and/or does not challenge, support, and help us. The right one will be out out there.

I've been doing some research on the subject...

I don't think a high IQ is necessarily a negative in therapy nor is it necessarily helpful. If you think you're smarter than your therapist and are resistant because you think you know best then there may be a problem. I may have a higher IQ than my neurologist but I'm not going to question him if I trust in his skills. Do you understand what I mean?
It's possible to have a high IQ and be out of touch with reality. There are some allegedly intelligent people who still believe in the spiritual equivalent of Santa Claus.
IQ is very much overrated but, all things considered, I'd still rather have the intelligence.

I understand... the issue is that sometimes people with high IQ's are misdiagnosed.

Plagued me my whole life. I am to smart for my own good I have often been told in AA. Analyze everything to death and question it. Maybe I should rely on the wisdom of others and have some faith in them.

How do you know when to trust someone else's wisdom?

In conjunction with a degree in Psychology, I'd say it hasn't helped me. I've been lucky since going private as the T I'm seeing discusses the process of what she's doing 'if' I ask her too (she and I are aware this can eat into a session, so I hold off unless I think things are going off track).

She's also fine with the fact that I hate scaled questions (i.e. from 1-10 how does this make you feel) and that I question standardised tests.

Probably has been challenging for her as much as me... but she's the best one I've found so far and that has led to trust. Had a lot of difficulty with NHS therapists in the past as I'd be breaking down (in my head) where they were going with something and questioning their general skill.

I particularly relate to that last sentence. I often clash with people because I ask "why", going into great detail where it's not necessary and a little strange. xD I even do it with my support worker! She likes me, though. xD I think she just finds it amusing. Hah. Bugs me, though, because it's like, for all the "smart" people say I am, I struggle to grasp some simple concepts, particularly about social protocol and stuff. Ah well, age will help, presumably.

I can def see something like that happening. I'd be questioning methodology & technique. Not due to lack of trust... just out of curiosity
About your last sentence... yes, time can help. I think the foundations for good social skills are laid in childhood environment. You learn from your parents and their friends (if they are socially adept, mine weren't) and practice/sharpen the skills with peer interaction. It can be self taught though. As a child I was quiet and ... almost totally lacking in social skills. I had many friends and was well liked but that was something else entirely unrelated to social skills. When I finally learned that there were those protocols you mentioned, I began to watch and learn. There are rules and skills almost like a game. Now it comes easily. Maybe too easily. Back when I was more active here I had a "nonfan" suggest that I stop being so damned charming
Have hope, because it can be done amigo

People with extremely high IQ often have low EQ (Emotional Intelligence)
If you google a list of famous people (excluding athletes) past and present with mental illness, you will find many of the most influential people there.
What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)? | Psych Central

I have a hard time when I feel like I'm being manipulated... there have been several instances when I've literally stopped the therapist and asked "where are you going with this?".

I don't see anything wrong with that. Therapy is a team sport isn't it? I'd think you have the right to ask and to get an answer. Just keep in mind that its therapy, not class.

At some point you have to decide to put yourself into someone else's hands, as far as therapy is concerned. At least, this is how it is working for me and my t. Its like a magic trick - if you can see how it works, then you are not amazed, right? For me, if i can "see" his technique, it wont "take".

My t got a dual bachelors degree in psychology and philosophy, so he is no slouch intellectually. That is important to me. But after my family always constantly telling me how dumb i am, i need him to tell me i am smart. So these are big steps - to trust yourself first, then to find a t you can trust.

I think our smarts get in our way more than the lack of smarts in a T. I know I navigated around areas where I thought my T was not as "with it" as I was only to find years later my perceptions/beliefs were not true. We don't really know the person so our initial idea of what they are like is almost 100% our idea, not reality. And, everyone finds what they are looking for. It's a handy excuse for not changing, too sexy for your hair, etc.

That's kinda the problem I'm having.... I'm very well read.. I love philosophy, and I don't believe my T does... or even knows much about the subject, at all. I wonder if he isn't getting the better end of the deal... I keep introducing him to new ideas... LOL

But, I do think he is good at his job... and he has stopped me a few times when I argue, and said "I'm trying to help you". and it calms me down.. and I listen to him. and I think he's a great guy..... and he has helped me in several ways. The more I get to know him, the better I like him.

For me, having intelligence and also being intellectually oriented I thought would be helpful and did seem that way for a while because I was working with smart people who appreciated that.

However, I switched to a therapist who though equally smart does not lead with nor overvalue intellect. That has made a huge difference, more than I could have ever guessed. Learning not to lean on being smart and develop other aspects has not only lead to healing but has transformed me into a different person.

Someone can be extremely intelligent and yet struggle with emotional intelligence. Therapy is supposed to focus on helping the individual develop their emotional intelligence so they can find more balance to where it compliments their intellect. It's about "balance" and each individual need to gain that balance and healthier "self esteem".

A psychologist can know all about different "labels" for example and not really have the "emotional" intellegence needed to help a patient. It has been recognized that a therapist can be emotionally challenged and struggle themselves. My therapist told me that it is better to find a therapist that is older and more experienced verses someone younger who may still unknowingly be emotionally unbalanced themselves.

For example, a man can be unbelievably gifted at understanding engines and how to fix them or even create them, however, have major challenges with how social interactions with others challenge him and even create a great deal of stress in him. A "good" therapist can help him with that and not know anything about engines.

Part of my / our problem is that we did have to rely on our intellect to survive ditsy parents. Truly survive! That makes it very scary to depend now on a t. So i try to rely on the scientific method - am i seeing results from listening to him?

Ditsy parents.. I can relate.
Yeah... I am getting results... and one of the best compliments he gave me was to tell me that he had read a book I mentioned.

Therapy is a team sport

PS ALL of the mensa groups I checked out were full of insecure snobs, and I refused to join.

Yes, added to the usual "fit" difficulty, my brain often travels a different path to and end, something few other doctors follow. I have need at times to be instructed or have something explained according to my questions...or I just don't see it.

I had real issues thinking everyone had the same "common sense" I had...not realizing so many didn't have near the information I had in my brain.

Right before my injury accident I was so angry at being intelligent and an outcast from certain groups, I prayed for God to take the high IQ away. Dumb me. I "lost" 30 IQ points from the accident...though doctors say they aren't lost, I just haven't reconnected to "them" yet???? But all in all, I'm still in genius category. (I'd like my higher IQ back now, God, please. )

Sometimes people with high IQs "over think" topics and issues. The mind might find all possible avenues or solutions or causations to a problem and as my T says, "Your brain's on fire!"

That was definitely my issue in T until I got into DBT & figured out what all the emotions I was never in touch with.....I was all about intellectually analyzing what was going on without ever realizing that there were any emotions involved other than anger toward my H that spilled over into every other part of my life.....

Was shocked when I took a huge list of emotions & started to analyze how I felt about each of them & which one's fit what I was going through at the time. Prior to DBT I thought people were either logical or emotional.......as that was what I grew up with....my mother was definitely emotional & NOT at all logical....& I was totally logical & blew off the emotions because I didn't want to be anything like my mother.....however I didn't realize that the emotions where there whether I admitted it or not.......but the higher IQ & the logical thinking for me went hand in hand.....& the beginning T was all about logically trying to analyze the problems without touching on the emotional issues that were actually at the foundation of the problems.

One can learn when presented the information in an understandable way......For me, having a higher IQ always allowed me to learn things more easily....however I now realize that my H had an even higher IQ.....& there were things that he never could learn.....so that totally blew my theory.

My T is talking about my ADHD traits lately... It seems some IQ and ADHD traits overlap, don't they?

I agree with hankster that some of us developed our intellects to survive and also compensate for areas that were impossible at the time to develop. When I had therapists who were delighted to have a "professor" in their company, I felt that I was often talking about ideas, some really cool ones, but still in the realm that I already know I'm good at.

Like I said, when I switched to a therapist, who, even though very smart (I mean astrophysics at Harvard smart), nevertheless did not really seem very interested in intellect at all, but was fascinated by a myriad of other things, I started changing.

For me, not only was I started to develop parts of myself and ways of being in the world that were different, but I was recognizing that the former therapists had been feeding what was in some ways a big compensatory structure that I was now not only willing to rely on less but also to some extent want to deconstruct it.

I think this came from watching him as a model for another way to be in the world for someone who is very bright, but who does not lead with intellect nor approach people with that as overvalued. What else is there? All that myriad of things. He in particular values decency, compassion, empathy, openness, curiosity, wonder, beauty, sensory experience, intuition, creativity, and the full range of human emotions. That is quite a lot! A whole world of things, some of which I was able to develop to some extent, but really not to the extent of my intellect.

I'm happier now to have dismantled what I considered my over dependence on intelligence. I have been able to reconstruct it so it still has an important place, but it works now with other things rather than "instead of" other things.