How to talk about quitting?

I couldn't get up the courage to cancel my next session, and missed the deadline (72 business hours!). So, I'm going back on Wednesday.

If you've ever had to quit (or take a long break!) - how did you deal with it? Usually, I'd just cancel the appointment by voicemail, and not schedule another one. But I missed the cancellation deadline, and I honestly do not think this T would let me get away with that (I don't know if he has voicemail, I know he has a service that calls him... I've never called... I'm afraid that they won't take a message, only a phone number for him to call back. And, his "rules" sheet says you must call to cancel appointments - so I assume email is out...)

I don't think I want to bring it up early in the session, because it feels incredibly awkward to have to spend 50 long minutes talking about. But, I'm not sure I want to spring it on him as I hand him the check either, because there has been *some* good things, and I'd rather not be a total jerk like that.

I don't know. What do you do?

Definitely at the beginning. Always better that way.

Oh Guilloche, I recall your concerns about this therapist, so I recommend you simply cancel. Your sense of obligation is causing you unnecessary distress I think.

You know, you can call late this evening, leave a message about the cancellation, and that you prefer not to be contacted and 90% likely, that'll be the end of it. You will be all done.

The other 10% chance is they will contact you for payment for the cancelled session or, even less likely, the T will leave a message asking if you'd like to schedule again.

And then you can pay if you like or leave the T a final message if necessary saying no thank you, and be all done.

P.S. The service definitely takes messages re: cancellations- no way they'll make the therapist call a client to deal w/a cancellation, or it would defeat the purpose of having a service. And also, you're showing the power imbalance you feel when you talk about his rules and him "not letting you get away" - that's a red flag- he doesn't have power that you don't give him, you two are equals. You saw him what 6 or 8 times, so you're not married, you don't owe him anything.

I agree with everything Leah said.
Monday morning should be plenty of notice for him to get any messages; I do suggest you leave a message with the service. Most likely he can fill your spot and it really won't be an issue.

You really can just not go. It does not matter what the therapist's policy is. He may try to bill you for the missed time and/or not let you come back if you change your mind, but that is all he can do to you. He cannot compel you to attend.

Many professionals collect messages from their services 7 days a week. Like Leah said, you can call as soon as possible (that's just manners and that seems important to you) and tell the answering service you're cancelling your appointment and won't be scheduling any more. You don't have to say anything else. They may ask for your number so he can return your call. If they do, you can say he doesn't need to return your call. Thank you and good-bye.

If you really want to quit -- and you've thought about it and aren't making an emotional decision in the moment -- you really don't have to talk about it unless you have something to say or unless you want the option to come back in the future. If either of those things apply, it would probably be best to go in and tell him.

Are you sure it's what you want to do? If it is, it's okay. If you're not sure, maybe it's best to go in and talk to him.

Thanks... the problem is that the paper he gave me when I started (that I signed) says he requires 72 hours (not including weekends) to cancel. He even put an example in. So for my Wednesday @noon appointment, I'd need to call and cancel by noon on Friday. It's really a crazy amount of notice, I know, and it worried me when I saw it.

I understand that I can still cancel, but I'd owe the money, and he's so expensive, I don't want to just send a check, I think.

And, no I'm not sure. I'm kind of a mess. That's part of the problem. My sense is that he's not really going to be able to help me. But, the problem is that I've already been able to share more stuff, and actually *talk* more than I ever have... with 7 previous therapists. I don't know if it's just because I'm older, but there's certainly some things he'd one *right* which makes it much much harder.

The other is the cost... he's so much more expensive than everyone else, it's really causing havoc with my budgeting. And, I think *if* he were able to help, it would be 100% worth it - but I don't know if he can actually help, and I don't know that I want to go broke trying to figure it out

So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to outright quit. I think it might just be better to tell him I'm overwhelmed (the work trip in a few weeks, plus a bunch of other stuff I'm involved in) and that I don't want to schedule another appointment, but want to be able to set up something in a few months if/when things calm down. I think I'll be in a better place to think about it then, and I hate to just slam the door when, like I said, he's done some good things... but also isn't really "getting me".

*thanks*

You can easily go to the appointment and say that this is going to be the last appointment, at least for now, because you need to sort yourself out in regards to finances and and you're upcoming business trip needs to take centre stage right now.

If you go to your appointment, at least you can wrap things up and not have a bill laying over your head. It's better to just have a clean break.

Thanks Wotchermuggle... that makes sense. I think I'm worried that... hmmm... I don't know... my brain is getting a bit foggy, it's been a long week... I'm just not going to worry any more tonight... I need to sleep I think... *thanks*

I just discussed this today in therapy! I am not quitting yet but cutting back to once a month. It wasn't anything complicated. I simply said i don't think I need therapy as much. She agreed that emotionally I am doing well. Regarding your issue, why don't you just attend the session but call and cancel future appointments now so you are not in this dilemma again.

Thanks... luckily I don't have any future sessions scheduled (we schedule the next session each time I see him). I'm just going to tell him that I'm completely frazzled between preparing for the trip, the extra class that I'm taking (I wouldn't have signed up if I knew the trip was going to be moved up), and the normal other stuff that I have going on. It's really too much, and is just leaving me feeling overwhelmed all the time - and trying to add therapy on top of all that isn't working.

Thanks.

I've thought about quitting as well. Or maybe I've hit a plateau. But my husband is always saying I'm getting better and better. So I wonder if I should keep going but start weaning back on my meds

Iheartjacques - that's awesome that you're getting better... and a great idea to talk to your T about weaning off the meds, to see how you do!

Thanks