[lightcatcher]

I really like, care and enjoy working with my T. T is the one person I want to tell everything to.
Then why can't I just open my mouth and talk! T is the safest person I know, the one place I feel safe and cared for. Why can't I just tell T what's going on in my head?!?

[JaneC]

I wonder this sometimes also. I think that maybe I am too afraid to hear, to verbalise, for myself the truth that is inside that I have spent very many years hiding and running from. Even though I have a strong urge to tell.

Maybe it is not your T that you can't tell?

[lightcatcher]

You are probably spot on there jane. I think it's more that I want to say, but a part of me has been trained so well to fight it back. Often find myself with eyes closed having a silent argument of " say it, no shut up, say it! No!" And often no wins. I need to find how to shut that up.

[ThisWayOut]

I cam relayed to this so well (though at the moment t does not feel safe because something about her style reminds me of my parents). I've found I can say things easier indirectly (through art, through writing, or leaving t a voice mail about it). She recently offered up the voice mail option (I can leave her rambling messages if it's easier that way, and we can talk more in session about it), and is been a relief... it's there anything like that you think might help you say things easier?

[lightcatcher]

Thanks thiswayout! I've written things down before, T then wants me to read it out to them, I hate reading out loud! And I can email, usually T is good to bring up what I email, so that's good. I then become my worst enemy and play it all down and then not talk about it lol.. I see my issue is me.

[Abe Froman]

I write stuff down and take it with me too. In fact I'm distracting myself(on purpose a little) from writing by being on here at the moment. I kind of dread going into the place that I need to be in to be able to write stuff.

Anyway, I guess I was lucky, only once have I not had much to say. That one time was after I started meds and was still adjusting.

But the rest of the time, I guess I've felt like I bottled it up so long that I'm just ready to get it out.