[archipelago]

I'm about to go to Hawaii for a short very much needed break. One thing that has been going on is that my shrink was away during a very difficult time which actually got resolved apart from him. He was back for just a week and now I'm going away.

We are at a point of transformation, both me internally and between us, something is shifting and it is obvious though I can't really pinpoint it yet.

He called me today, a weekend a while after I had seen him to wish me a nice trip, but there was something intense about it, besides the fact that shrinks tend not to call people if they don't have to.

I decided later on to thank him for wishing me well, how meaningful it was, and thank him generally for helping me through some difficult times. He responded in text with a sweet little note that included little pictures that he had obviously worked to put on there. Not his typical style.

Not knowing what to do with this, I waited, got packed, talked with my partner about our trip and put off getting back to my shrink. Then it just occurred to me to take it playfully, like he was celebrating a shift inside of me but also in my life where I could now have a little bit of the "luxury" of play in my life.

So I found all the funky images that you can send as texts, and picked all the ones related to being in Hawaii. I just sent a sequence, but added "aloha" and put in parentheses that aloha meant hello, goodbye, and love.

He immediately texted me back "Aloha!"

Now I'm wondering what all this means. I've on the eve of being away. I really don't want to reach beyond, but on the the other hand stuff is happening that is important, both within me and between us. We have a short checkin phone call during the time. I am not sure whether I can text him more about some of the developments or just should wait until I get back.

The broader context is that I'm really in the midst of of a transformation. I have felt the sense of being newly born, but I also am aware of all that needs to be faced and dealt with. I've already done intensive versions of that type of work. This time it will be more on my own to foster the newness and confront the old. Again I am not sure how do do this within a context of separation but the same time efforts at reaching out. A bit confused.

[HazelGirl]

It sounds like he missed you while he was on vacation! Take it at face value and enjoy it. Don't try to read too much into it.

[Lauliza]

I agree with HG and say enjoy the way your relationship is evolving and leave it at that. I think sometimes reading too much into it and talking too much about it can take away from the fun.

[archipelago]

Okay, but I was just about to text him, like just what does all of this mean? But you are saying that that would be a mistake and ruin it?

People talk about sitting with the emotions.. Usually talking about bad but I think it's even more meaningful with good connection feelings... Texting is harder than face to face but there are times that don't need words

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by archipelago

Okay, but I was just about to text him, like just what does all of this mean? But you are saying that that would be a mistake and ruin it?

I don't think it would ruin anything. But I think you're over-thinking it, and he will say what we have said.

Texting him might reinforce the connection and allow you to express your gratitude. Why not? Let your impulses run free instead of restricting yourself.

[RedSun]

Hmmm, don't know about the texting. Maybe now is the time to focus on holidaaaaaaay wahay!
I wonder if you are feeling a bit that you can move on without him now, and you have found the strength to go it alone? And that he is ( probably unconsciously ) reacting to that by pulling you back in. Maybe cos its hard to let go, and maybe because we answer a need In some T's by needing them.
I have noticed with my h recently that, as I start to change and grow, and depend on him less, he is getting clingier to me. He needs me to need him, though I don't think he knows it, or would acknowledge it.
Have a fab time!
Aloha

[Lauliza]

I'm not saying you would ruin anything. If you feel strongly about addressing it with him, you should. I just would not text him about something this deep. If you really feel the need to explore your feelings further with him, sit on it a bit and talk about it face to face when you return. Waiting is so hard when you feel such urgency, but it is an important skill, since it's not always possible to say the things we want exactly when we want. And since you are so far away its probably not an ideal time for you T to have such a discussion, whether by text, emailor on the phone.

Focus your energy on Hawaii and have a great time!!!