[IndestructibleGirl]

I have been mulling this over for a while, and am still no further forward.

At the moment I'm at a very shaky spot in my therapy. It feels like there is a thin, fragile membrane stretched over my pain and devastation, and I am less good at turning to stone and cutting off my feelings.

I *think* I am probably near experiencing sad emotions in the room - well, maybe this side of Christmas anyway

I quizzed my therapist about what happens in that situation, because what I think I would want is for her to sit closer to me in her chair. This is fine with her if I want it, likewise holding my hand, or hugs. All down to me, what I feel I need in the moment. Bar sexual stuff, she won't deny me closeness.

But I'm not sure I trust myself. It might feel really comforting to want a hug, so I might ask for that. But what if then that turns out to be the wrong thing? What if I want them all the time (though I don't really think this will happen, but who knows) or what if it kicks erotic transference off again (not a problem at the moment) - I mean when I am extremely sad, there is nothing remotely sexual on my mind, so I really doubt I'd start getting aroused by a hug if I was crying my heart out From what I've read this seems to be one of the reasons some schools of thought aren't keen on hugs for this reason though.

The other thing I have read is sometimes hugs can prevent the client mourning the losses they need to mourn -

Why your therapist SEEMS cruel, but really isn?t | Tales of a Boundary Ninja

I'm not sure I understand this entirely, but it is also something to consider. This seems in direct contrast to my therapist's opinion that in certain circumstances physical closeness can be very healing. Certainly in my own mind, it was knowing that she was willing to move her chair closer to me that shifted something in me and made it feel more okay in my own head that I might cry with her seeing me. She thinks I really need to cry with her there, instead of always on my own, and deep down I probably agree, despite my resistance to the idea.

But how do I make the decision around touch?

Not sure how to proceed.

[Petra5ed]

Maybe you can hug her sometimes but not all the time? I don't think a hug can keep you from mourning a loss. At least, I've mourned losses and been hugged repeatedly for example, at a funeral, and I kept on mourning! So. It sounds like you don't have the hots for your therapist, and you don't necessarily "need" to touch her, so you are coming at it from a healthy place it seems. In my mind hugs are just simple short gestures that have been blown way out of proportion by some people obsessed with their therapists and obsessed with hugging. I wouldn't sweat it much either way. Maybe just do whatever feels right in the moment.

[rainbow8]

My T also believes touch can be very healing. I have the same inability to cry in my session as you do, and likewise, my T thinks it would help if I could cry with her. I don't know if you read my thread about my last session where my T supported me through touch in such a way that almost made me cry. That's an SE technique but I think any touch in therapy can help release emotions.

There have been a few threads about physical/sexual response in therapy that is caused by the intimacy, not necessarily even touching. It doesn't mean you're turned on by your T though it may seem like that. You won't know your reaction to hugs or other touch from your T until you try it. I had no idea that holding my Ts hand would feel so good and so safe. As long as you trust your T, and are open with her, you can mutually decide if touch is helpful or not.

I don't understand the relationship between hugs and . mourning. I wouldn't worry about that. Good luck with this. Touch is a very um, can I say it-- touchy subject!

[sweepy62]

Just see how it works out, don't overanalize , if you feel those feelings coming on then you can process them, and restrain from touch, or else you will give yourself a nervous breakdown .

I miss hugging my old t so much, I don't feel the need to hug this t. I wish I did. I was thinking that maybe a hug would help our connection . Mind you, something has to happen here, I only see this person 2 a month that's 2 hours a month talk time.

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