[Jordy]

Yesterday in group T mentionned working on some role playing during the next few sessions. The look on my face must have said it all because she looked me in the eyes and said: "Jordy, I know how much you hate that idea and how difficult this is for you. Of course, I could ask you to list me all the reasons why this is a bad idea, and you'll convince me to let you of the hook. But your care would greatly suffer from it and I'm sure that's not what either of us wants. You are in a safe environment, no one will judge you, and we're going to go through with this"

So basically she doesn't leave me any choice and I hate that! I've had to do so many things against my will in the past, I don't want to ever happen again. Of course this is different than abuse, but still I need to feel like I have a way out. Especially as she doesn't know all the reasons why I hate role-plays. I used to be in the high schools drama group, and while I loved acting, I hated improv' because my view of life was so screwed up, that no one understood my improvs and I got teased about them...

[HazelGirl]

Mine would never force me to do anything. It takes away my ability to feel like I have control over my life. She might encourage me to do something, but unless my life was in danger, she would never force anything on me.

[ThisWayOut]

That would freak me out, And probably cause me not to return... I'm with hazel, I don't think my t would force me to do anything unless it was a life or death thing. However I also have huge, huge fear around role-play of any kind...
Hope you can at least talk to your t about feeling like you have no choice, and what that means to you.

[Jordy]

If I have the time during our next session I will try to talk about this. I really understand why she wants to do this, but I hate the way she's going about it.

I'm fine with be being strongly encouraged, but I can't stand feeling like I have no way out, no matter how gentle she tries to be about it.

[Leah123]

"Would your T force you to do something?"

First of all, she isn't that type. As I just wrote in a different thread this morning, I believe therapists who need to force things are unskilled and impatient.

Second, she could not force me to do anything. I'm not incarcerated and she's not my jailer.

Your therapist has laid out a plan and you're free to accept it or not.

[SkyWhite]

My T wouldn't force me to do anything, but every T is different.

It's not clear why she's choosing to do roll playing with you, but it sucks to be pressured. I would probably gag if asked to do something like that.

If there's no way out, try asking yourself what is the worst that could happen. Or try a compromise and tell your T you'll give it a try and if you're still hating it you'll quit. Compromising helps you take back some of your power in the situation.

[Silent Void]

Mine could try to force me, but he'd lose. I'd tell him to take a flying f*** and leave.

You don't have to do what you don't want to do. These people are supposed to help us feel better not worse. Just say NO.

[Petra5ed]

I don't think a therapist should force anything. If role playings all she's got she just needs more techniques. I would bring it up.

[Jordy]

Role playing is part of her DBT skills programm, more precisely to work on interpersonal skill and increase self-worth. The reason she's pressuring me so much is because this programm ends in Novembre and she wants me to get the most out of it.

I know she's not trying to hurt me, and I should trust her, but this is really a big issue for me. I wish she's allow me to watch a bit at first until I'm more comfortable, but I'm not sure she will.

[stopdog]

I would not put myself in the position where the the woman could force me to do anything.

[BlessedRhiannon]

No. My T has often stated that she will not force me to do anything. Whenever she has a suggestion of something that she wants me to try, we talk about it and then T leaves it up to me to make the decision. If I'm hesitant but willing to try, we talk about alternatives such as using a word or gesture to let T know that it's too much for me, or about ways to make something more comfortable for me.

Yes, he tried. He told me I had to do something he KNEW I would never, ever do and he told me I couldn't come back unless I did so I didn't go back. I think it's horrible for a therapist to force a client to do something like that.

I am having a really strong reaction to what your T said. I, personally, would not tolerate that kind of thing from a therapist, particularly if the person would not let me articulate my reasons for why I do not wish to do whatever it was. In my head, I rephrased your question to be "COULD my therapist force me to do something?" The answer to that, for me, is no. Unless he was threatening me with hospitalization and I thought he had a reasonable chance of getting me involuntarily admitted, I would tell him to go stuff himself in the circumstances you have described. I would either leave or simply say NO and refuse to participate.

[Xenon]

My current T would not say anything along those lines. I don't think it's appropriate for them to behave this way. Of the four I've had, only one ever acted pushy about something (medication, in my case). He repeatedly raised the subject at even the slightest opportunity, acted condescending about my choice not to use it, and once straight out declared, "Xenon, it's time to see a doctor." I thought that was way out of line and I still get angry about it now. Of the four, he seemed the least competent overall, in a number of ways.

Originally Posted by Leah123

...therapists who need to force things are unskilled and impatient.

I'm not incarcerated and she's not my jailer.

My ex therapist also did say early on that if I didn't go get on some medication he didn't think he could work with me. It wasn't exactly forcing, but I felt really pressured.

Shoot, my T tried to tell me I "couldn't" let my mother live with and he wouldn't let that happen. I would not let my mother live with me, and sort of think it's sweet that he wants to protect me, and I still got snotty with him about it because no one gets to force me or try to make me do things or not do things.

I had a therapist who pressured me into something that ended very badly. In addition to some emotional fallout, I ended up in urgent care with a cast (long story). I never even knew I had a right to push back and say no, not for years. It wasn't until a later therapist told me that a number of boundaries had been violated with the previous therapist that I started to understand how important it is to navigate that relationship and be firm about the therapist's role and my own boundaries that they are not allowed to mess with.

[Restin]

T can not force you from the adult point of view; but from the inner child view, forcing is the same as making someone who can't swim jump off a high dive. I believe in the inner child concept and how that part of you is different than the adult self, and should be respected.
I think you should try very hard to discuss it next session and say how you felt. She ought to learn from that and respect it. I wouldn't terminate immediately but say I can't keep coming back to therapy if I'm going to face forcing like that. To give her some benefit of doubt, T might have gotten carried away by the energy of the group. That can happen. Maybe T even regrets saying that to you. She seems to have been good to you until now, but that incident could turn into a worse anxiety if not discussed. Trust is so important!

[Can't Stop Crying]

to me...this is a huge boundary violation...

A Recovery Bill of Rights for Trauma Survivors by Thomas V. Maguire, PhD.
http://www.thenationalcouncil.org/wp...-of-Rights.pdf

decline help from anyone without having to justify the decision

decide for yourself whether, when, and where to confront fear

I don't think this "Bill of Rights" is only applicable in trauma recovery, I think it applies to all client/therapist relationships.

I take the above excerpts to mean that you are in charge of your recovery and have the right to say no to anything at anytime. period.

[StressedMess]

While she didn't "force" me, T did coerce or "talk me into" role playing with her. One on one, I was to state my position clearly and defend my boundaries, and she would react as different people in my life might. It was so embarrassing for me, and incredibly difficult to say stuff so foreign to me. And while she was right , the sky did not fall, it did nothing to alleviate my discomfort.

She's not one to "make" me do things, she only suggests and defends her suggestion. I'm sure if I had ever learned how to say NO it would be a breeze to say it to her, but to me that's worse than hitting someone.

Since one of my therapy goals is to learn how to say no without feeling guilty, I have a feeling she's going to push me so hard someday I might have a complete breakdown!

Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

[cryingontheinside]

I think you should tell your t that its going to be a trigger for you then let her ask you why rather than it looking like you have been working up an excuse.
I totally get what you mean. You want to be incharge of your life and in control as you may not have been in the past. Or how about point blank saying no. No is not making excuses. No is making a statement, being asseetive and showing that you are incontrol. Your t might even respect that. She should want you to be empowered. Good luck. I hope it goes well. Keep us posted

[Lauliza]

Your T can encourage you but let you decide what to do. Maybe if you explain your reasoning for not wanting to participate she'll understand more.

[Jordy]

Thanks for all your answers.

I won't terminate with T over this, but I'm considering skipping a couple group sessions... She can't force me to do anything if I'm not there. Trouble is she's smart enough to realize why I'm not attending and we'll have to talk about it anyway.
So I may as well discuss it on saturday... I hate that I know she means well, but isn't aware of the whole situation. She's got no idea how triggering this is for me and right now I can't deal with that.

[Wren_]

My T would never force, not his style

I hope the conversation on Saturday goes well and that you can let her know how triggering this is for you

[Mikeyboy]

My therapist isn't that way. And also, anyone who ever thought they could make me do something I don't want to do, clearly has never met Mikeyboy. I'm preternaturally stubborn and willful.