[Abe Froman]

Here's the original thread

http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...alization.html

And my venting...

Talked about in past thread, first day was very unexplainatory and not much time with pdoc. The whole experience was miserable. But they kept telling me it was Friday and things are geared to be more fun on Fridays(I hated the "fun" parts).

Went Monday, at least there wasn't any coloring. We did meditation, which was still pissing me off. These so called "mindfulness" exercises were major league elevating my anxiety. But I was saved by the bell as I had to go see the nurse.

"Process" was fine. I don't know why they call it process, although it's still led by this wet behind the ears social worker.

Then we did education, it was pretty terrible, talking about what are feelings and our reactions and what not. Her voice is normally fine to me, but during that it was like a dentist's drill right in my ears.

Finally we played the dumbass game again "Would you rather?" I thought that was only a Friday "fun" thing. I don't get the point in these games. I'm there to work.

Over all I can say this, I went in there in an okay mood, and came out pissed off and full of sui thoughts on both days. Sucks. I gave up so many appointments for that thing and dropped out of school. I'm pretty pissed right now.

I've been researching other options and so far haven't found much that is any different. No one out there seems to offer an option of deep one on one therapy. To be honest the "process" sessions weren't too bad, maybe even helpful. I maybe should have asked them if I could just participate in that and skip the crap. But I would definitely need to see my own therapist on top of that if that happened. But that still wouldn't solve what I feel I need which is long therapy sessions trying to get into some deep stuff.

I would go anywhere, even an inpatient program, if it would give me the level of therapy I need and cut out the crap that pisses me off and increases my sui thoughts and anxiety. Unfortunately here at least, inpatient offers even less therapy than this PHP, which confuses me.

I did meet with the pdoc on Monday before I left, told him I wasn't coming back and that since I had canceled my appointment with my pdoc I would need some scripts. He obliged. But when I left I felt like throwing the prescription out the window, going home and throwing all my other meds away, canceling all future appointments and saying to hell with it since I just dropped out of college for nothing.

All comments will be appreciated.

[lilypup]

OMG...I hated OP programs. No way again...it made me sicker. Coloring was the best part of mine.

[notalone11]

You can always try going back to college. It's not for nothing when there is still an opportunity to make the most of this newly found time. It's good you speak up for what you need. I hope you can find a nearby treatment center or therapy office that works for you.

My friend had to drop out of college her last term before graduating because of mental illness. She is taking this year to work on herself a lot, go on a couple fun adventures and is making a plan for completing school.

There is the option of talking to the school about returning. They work with students with disabilities to help them be successful. I'm in a federal program at my college called Trio, and I'm also helped by the Disability Resources office.

[unaluna]

Well, figure out how you want to use this time. You can use it to educate yourself on psychology - masterson and giovacchini are 2 authors i liked. Figure out what you need to work on and do an advanced study yoursrlf, with your ts help. And Or just get a seasonal job. Or paint your moms house. Stuff that has been falling by the wayside while you have been in school. Helen Keller said, when god closes a door, she opens a window

Hi Abe, I'm glad you posted an update. I was wondering if you'd advanced to making popcorn necklaces yet.

Honestly, I think you have a right to be upset over what you've given up, and the commitment you made to keep from sliding into hell.

I do think Hankster is on to something with making the most of this time you've got, because the reality is your schedule just opened up big time. If there was something in the process class that felt useful, is there a way to replicate that for yourself or find a group that's not being led by someone who's still learning the ropes?

I can't get into meditation either, but I enjoy yoga. There are poses that help with moods and brain balancing and movements that can get you out of your head, if not for the day, at least for that hour. It's something to build on.

If not yoga, maybe some other class or discipline that releases pent up energy and calms the nervous system.

You sound like you need brain stimulation, but maybe without the social pressure. If you live in a college town or city, are there literary readings or poetry slams you could sit in on? There's nothing like listening to a good poetry slam to untangle bound up thoughts.

Anyway, know that there are options out there. This can be turned around.

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry it was such an awful experience.
Since insurance had taken over dictation of care, most "intensive" programs like hospitals and partial programs are simply daycare without much individualized (or helpful) programming. It's frustrating, and I have yet to find a program that met my needs at the day program level. If you are able to function at a higher level, the programs do nothing. The one you described sounds especially painful. I've been to one's that offered more groups through the day, but none offered more in depth therapy. I can totally relate to your frustrations.
Depending on your needs and means, you could look into a private residential program elsewhere in the country. I've found the private or specialized ones seem to be the only ones that still offer more therapy. If that's not something you are interested in, maybe you could work out extra sessions with your t (can't remember if you had said she had time constraints or not)?
You could also look into nami support groups. Some can be frustrating, but at least they are free.
Good luck.

[archipelago]

I have a bunch of responses, but I will try to focus on some suggestions. First I think it is a good sign that you are rejecting the nonsense and are very clear about wanting deeper therapy. Your previous thread mentions that you were seeing a therapist twice a week. Can you resume that? Or was it not helpful so not worth going back to?

I myself do intensive, depth therapy with a psychoanalytically trained therapist and have found it really suits me. It is the kind of "work" that you seem to want. And contemporary forms of psychoanalysis are really different from old style, much more in the now and relational. Just an idea.

Another idea, and this may be way out of reach, but there is a hospital near me that was outstanding. You did say you would go anywhere so I thought I would describe it to see if it is what you are looking for.

It is not a locked unit and does not resemble one though it takes people with self-harm or suicidal issues. It starts with a 75 minute intake interview by a psychiatrist. Usually the same psychiatrist will continue to see you every day for almost 40-50 minutes. So almost like daily sessions. There are various groups during the day--some that are psychoeducational and some that are typical group therapy. There is an art therapy part of the program, but it is far from coloring. It is run by a trained occupational therapist who uses various arts and crafts to evaluate levels of depression and anxiety and follow improvements or lack of improvement by your ability to concentrate, energy level, and willingness to be social. At night there are more relaxation types of groups. All the groups are optional though recommended.

The unit itself feels more like a retreat than a hospital, except that there is a very competent and respectful nursing staff on call at all times and willing to talk about anything and you get a complete medical physical exam. Mine was the most thorough one I have ever received and lasted almost 2 hours, during which time the doctor detected a heart murmur that no other physician had ever picked up on.

You get a private room with a big window overlooking a nice landscape. There is a private bath in each room and a private phone. There is a general gathering area with a television and exercise equipment. The food is healthy and tasty. You are allowed coffee after some observation and of course visitors and personal items. To add to the atmosphere the place has lots of glass and plants so an airy open feel with very tasteful art photography on the walls.

I have been there several times and have often wanted to stay longer than they wanted me to. They get to business right away, have often come up with innovative med changes that were effective, and the competence and atmosphere just gave me a sense of peace and care. They take insurance, in my case Medicare so I didn't pay a dime. Sounds too good to be true that is why I am describing it. It may be too far out of reach, but such places do exist so there may be something out there that actually does work for you.

[Lauliza]

I appreciate your frustration regarding the partial programs. Even inpatient is no guarantee, so you have to research each program that your insurance covers (if you have it and it will cover inpatient) If it appeals to you I do think the idea of trying to return to school is a good one. Even if you can take less classes it's something. Then perhaps a separate group you might find helpful and restarting the more intense therapy with your T?

[Abe Froman]

Thank you for all responses and suggestions. I'm taking each one into account. If I don't respond for a time or whatever, I may be in a program or place that will limit my internet access. Matter of fact I'm staying in a house right now with now internet, so I have to come down to my buddy's place to get on here.

I'm going to be making some phone calls today and tomorrow, I'm on the wait list to get in to see my T, but at the latest I have an appointment on Friday. So we'll see where that goes.