Weird things we do....

Once I scribbled in red marker all over a big piece of paper and then tore it into little pieces. I wanted to throw it at her but I didn't.

Another time I sat on the couch, half lying down, and didn't respond to anything she said to me. I was very angry.

I remember slamming the door hard once. That may have been the session in which she suggested I quit last January and that I don't email her. I screamed all the home while I was driving!

I'm far too controlled in therapy. I play with my hair and hide behind my knees but that's about it. I swear previous T tried to model bad behavior for me. Not the greatest idea ever I have to say. It wound up feeding the transference and scaring me silly.

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Too many weird things to count, especially because of younger alters being in session with t and they are just really weird kids.

Stop dog's PowerPoint really made me laugh. Actually my laughter turned to tears as I identified with the utter frustration of trying to explain something to a T. I'd actually quite like to do a PowerPoint myself.

I told him his questions were dumb. He was gleeful that I would speak my mind as I am usually very meek go along with whatever.

My T has an office door that is locked if you try to open it from the outside but not from the inside. For me that is the perfect state because I am safe from intruders but not locked in.

Weird things I have done: I think I raised my voice on Tuesday (it is too horrible to think about so I can't quite remember.) I have occasionally told him that I want to leave the session, or quit therapy.

I was feeling really uncomfortable with the subject matter and my stomach began playing up......and suddenly without warning a HUGE burp exploded from my mouth!

OMG I was mortified!!! I wanted a hole to open up and swallow me. I blushed and apologised and wanted to run and hide and just covered my face with my hands and........well.........he just said it's ok and tried to act like it was nothing. I could see he was surprised.

Stealthy self-entertainment is my niche

Make faces at her, exaggeratedly roll my eyes and balance whatever fidget toys are on the table next to me on my head when she's looking down at something or putting down notes. Hehehheheheheheheh

Play the mirror game. When I catch her mirroring me and I subtly go back to the posture I was making previously (if I cross my legs, she crosses hers, I uncross mine, etc she should be happy I'm working her gluteus). I do it when I'm bored of what we're talking about. But it ends when she wraps up whatever she's going on about with "does that make sense? do you see what I'm saying?" and I have to answer "uhhhh... yep"

Once in awhile I get too focused/aware of our eye contact, start thinking "you're holding her gaze for too long ok RIGHT EYE wait ok LEFT EYE no you're still holding it too long you weirdo you're overdoing it, just look at the ground" while consciously doing that triangle trick that makes you look interested (right eye, left eye, mouth) and making myself all dizzy. Eyeball tango!

Sometimes I actually pay attention. That's probably the weirdest thing I do.

My T came out from her office as I was walking with my friend and I wasn't sure whether she saw me. We were both headed the same way down a covered walkway and I totally freaked out, even though she was a good 20 m in front of me. I remember going, "OMG, isn't that the counsellor?" then creeping after her like a lousy imitation of a 30s spy movie. When she abruptly stopped in front of her car I was so flustered I jumped into a bush and hid there until my friend talked me out. God that was embarrassing!

JaneC, I love your burping! haha