[JaneC]

Today my therapist wanted to have a discussion with me about his upcoming leave. I have been 'aware' of it but never consciously thought about just how long it is.....nor connected with how hard it may be for me at this time of year. A time that I despise because of previous trauma.

I have only realised, after leaving his office, that I won't see him for a 3 weeks in November/early December, then for a month from just before Christmas, and he suddenly has to take a week off in 2 weeks time. (can't find a crying face but would insert one)

He and his wife are having a baby, which is so wonderful, then he has family visiting from abroad so is taking the opportunity to take a break from practice too.

I have been struggling for weeks, and just last week said to him I am not sure I'm going to get through the next few weeks, not even thinking about all his leave. I also have the most intense last 7 weeks of my university year now.....next week alone I have an exam, a long essay, and an assessed presentation to give.

This time of the year has my birthday in a couple of weeks which stresses me for many reasons, and the anniversary of a rape. I also have my mother & step father coming to stay from Christmas for 3 weeks....and my mother was cause of a significant part of my childhood trauma........

There are other stressors.....and I'm sorry to write it all out here, but I have just realised how hard things are, how high my stress is, how rubbish my coping is at the moment. And top that off with my therapist not being available for significant periods of time..........

I told him already that I had scheduled a breakdown at the end of term, because of my current stress, before he outlined clearly his leave coming up!

He is so kind, and wants to talk about how to keep me well and safe while he is away. But it made it worse, I told him I'd be fine and he needn't have concern while he is on leave(me trying to neatly pack all the feelings away), and goes ahead and tells me it is not concern. That every person needs support, and he can't be there for me at a time when he knows I really need it, and out of care and wanting me to be safe and ok he wants to make sure I have a plan in place.

I don't know what to do with his care, why? Why does he even care?

Yep, I am suddenly feeling quite stressed out......not sure what I want here............. just so stressed by this suddenly......

[iheartjacques]

That must be hard. I hope you figure out a way to hold on and keep yourself together during that time.

[HazelGirl]

Can you see another therapist during the time yours is gone to help you handle the immediate stressors? Also, your T can help you come up with a good action plan to tolerate the vacations he's taking.

[Perna]

Oh, that's hard. My T would do that each year -- she wasn't from the US so would go "home" for 6+ weeks at a time. Our last year before termination she was gone like 4 weeks, came back for 2 then was gone a couple months, etc. kind of what it sounds like yours is doing. Hang in there. Think up "projects" to do while T is away to practice what you are learning or write a special journal just for the time he'll be away. The year my T was gone so much I decided to write a book/novel about my life and therapy, etc. to give my T when she got back. I didn't quite get it done then but did a few years later with NaNoWriMo!

[JaneC]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Can you see another therapist during the time yours is gone to help you handle the immediate stressors? Also, your T can help you come up with a good action plan to tolerate the vacations he's taking.

No I can't see ajother therapist, jot sure I'd want to you know......but I can call their crisis line should I need to. But once again I can't see myself doing that either.

I told my therapist it could be worse, at least I'm not drinking for then surely things would be bad. And I'm not actively trying to end my life anymore........just get those pesky thoughts. Which are hard enough anyway.

Thanks for thoughts all.......I'll try to find some things to do, I have a workbook I can carry in with once uni is finished. Perna, yes I'l try to come up wih a project maybe.........

Just feel despondent especially after a night of little sleep and bad dreams.

[unaluna]

: bawling : its one of my favorites