[ThingWithFeathers]

My t is compassionate, caring and competent - so why do I feel worse, almost empty, after sessions?

The only time I don't feel this way after session is if it's been a really tough session, full disclosures, then I'm full of anxious thoughts instead.

Why does this happen? Surely I should feel better after sessions, not empty and despaired.

Edit: Ugh, I feel so horrible. Stupid, stupid me. What's wrong with me?

[lightcatcher]

Hey thingwithfeathers, I'm sorry you are feeling this way at the moment. I have read a little bit about the feelings we have/want/expect after a session with T. I have read written by one therapist that it's not alway happy, if it is they are not doing their job right.
I feel like the feelings I get after seeing T is like being on a rollercoaster. Sometimes I feel uplifted and so full of contentment, sometimes I feel like it was a waste of my time and I get mad. I've come to accept that the feelings just are, I can fight them and be hard on myself for them, but they do go away and every session brings a different feeling.
This week I had my session with T and we spoke about feelings I had associated with a person in my childhood. T pushed me, hard, and I'm not angry or upset at that. However I feel so raw, in pain and in a scramble to contain myself (I do not like how I am feeling after T session at all). This is a opportunity however to look at what the session and outcome of the session is teaching me.
I wonder if sometimes we need to feel the hurt, pain, anger and emptiness to appreciate the happiness, calm and contentment?

[iheartjacques]

I feel drained and exhausted sometimes. It's hard for me talking about stuff i don't want to tell anyone about, staying in my chair when I just want to run or vomit, concentrating on what he says, and processing it. It's like I've opened up too much and I need to clam up for a while.

[ThingWithFeathers]

It's really hard to feel so bad after sessions.

I'm wondering if for me it's a neediness thing - like I unconsciously want more contact with her - idk.

One of the reasons it's so hard to feel this way is that I don't feel I can mention this to my t. I worry that she'll think it's her or the therapy causing this. It's not her or her approach. I don't want to offend her if I say how bad I feel after sessions and I don't want her to terminate me if she thinks therapy isn't helping (which it is).

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

It's really hard to feel so bad after sessions.

I'm wondering if for me it's a neediness thing - like I unconsciously want more contact with her - idk.

One of the reasons it's so hard to feel this way is that I don't feel I can mention this to my t. I worry that she'll think it's her or the therapy causing this. It's not her or her approach. I don't want to offend her if I say how bad I feel after sessions and I don't want her to terminate me if she thinks therapy isn't helping (which it is).

You should tell her. I've told my T. that I think I'm worse in between sessions when I feel insecure about our relationship. I've told her about the heartache/longings in between sessions. Last time I knew I was leaving in a bad place. She reminded me that I do my best work when I leave upset - not what I wanted to hear but probably true. I think, for me, I realize a lot the day after and don't want to wait a week to talk to her. I want to tell her right then what I've realized and keep the conversation going.

[HazelGirl]

Are you hiding some of your feelings in session? That might cause a type of empty and alone feeling because you haven't been honest. Or maybe you're cut off from how you're feeling and you don't realize how the session is impacting you? Some things like this will happen occasionally, but I'm not sure why it might happen every single week.

I really think it would be good to bring this up with your T.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Are you hiding some of your feelings in session? That might cause a type of empty and alone feeling because you haven't been honest. Or maybe you're cut off from how you're feeling and you don't realize how the session is impacting you? Some things like this will happen occasionally, but I'm not sure why it might happen every single week.

I really think it would be good to bring this up with your T.

That's a really interesting insight - I hadn't actually thought of that. And yes, I hold back a lot in sessions.

I was also thinking it might be to do with an attachment issue, like a withdrawal type response to her not being around.

Then again, I think do you're on to something. Maybe the answer lies in being more honest and open, allow myself to be vulnerable. I actually want to, but fear and automatic responses seem to overpower me.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

That's a really interesting insight - I hadn't actually thought of that. And yes, I hold back a lot in sessions.

I was also thinking it might be to do with an attachment issue, like a withdrawal type response to her not being around.

Then again, I think do you're on to something. Maybe the answer lies in being more honest and open, allow myself to be vulnerable. I actually want to, but fear and automatic responses seem to overpower me.

It was a stab in the dark, but it seems like my answer resonates with you. If you're in your appointment and keep thinking and feeling things, but don't let them out, your T isn't really "with" you. She might be there physically, but she isn't joining you in your experiences in session. And that would cause a profound sense of loneliness, a feeling that you're "alone in a crowd".

[The_little_didgee]

You are not alone. When I was a teenager I used to feel worse after therapy appointments so I quit. At the time I had really no idea what was causing it. Years later I realized it was due to the assumptions caused by misdiagnosis and not being heard. I couldn't connect with the therapist because I had no idea why I was struggling. The diagnosis I was given did not describe what I was going through. Whenever I told the therapist this I was accused of being in denial. This made it very difficult to discuss my issues, because the diagnosis isolated me from her and implied I was a horrible and nasty person who did not deserve help.

It is probably a connection or attachment issue. Telling someone intimate details is one thing but connecting with them is another. I could be wrong though.

[nottrustin]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

My t is compassionate, caring and competent - so why do I feel worse, almost empty, after sessions?

The only time I don't feel this way after session is if it's been a really tough session, full disclosures, then I'm full of anxious thoughts instead.

Why does this happen? Surely I should feel better after sessions, not empty and despaired.

Edit: Ugh, I feel so horrible. Stupid, stupid me. What's wrong with me?

When you leave a session feeling worse was there something you wanted to discuss with T but couldn't bring yourself to bring up? Do you feel like you didn't accomplish anything?? This happens to be on occasion. Before a session I decide I want to talk about something with T but then I chicken out and feel angry and upset.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by nottrustin

When you leave a session feeling worse was there something you wanted to discuss with T but couldn't bring yourself to bring up? Do you feel like you didn't accomplish anything?? This happens to be on occasion. Before a session I decide I want to talk about something with T but then I chicken out and feel angry and upset.

Yes. But I'm not always sure what I want to say. I mean, I guess there's a lot I want to say but I'm very shy still - so I hold a lot back.

So, yes - it's v possible.