[brokenwarrior]

I'm I the only one who gets genuinely angry when their T's say this to you???

My T says this to me all the time and it drives me crazy because I feel like I not improving at all. I feel like I'm wasting her time and I have honestly given her no reason to me proud of me and yet she insist that she is.

My session on Monday didn't go so well. I always leave feeling sui (not a reflection on my T) but when I got in my car Monday I have never been more read to follow through. Maybe about 10 minutes into my car ride home I had to pull over on the highway and I ended up throwing up and then I kinda just sat there for awhile.

I emailed her on tuesday saying that I didn't feel well. This was the second time in 7 months that I contacted her between sessions. She emailed back asking what was wrong. I ended up telling her to disregard the email, that I don't feel like myself and nothing can stop my actions so it doesn't matter. I prayed that she wouldn't respond but she did (dammit) and she said something along the lines of it mattering and to just focus on school for this week (i'm a sophomore in college studying psych haha go figure) I wanted to reply saying that I wish I could focus on my school because we both know that it kills me that I can't. But I didn't say that. All I said was "Okay." I didn't think she would respond to that BUT SHE DID GOSH DARNIT. She said "I am proud of you!"

Uggghhhhh I want to respond telling her how frustrate that makes me. That my "okay" didn't mean I was gonna focus on my homework. That she doesn't yet know what I have done this week. I don't know if I should respond or let it go.

Sorry for my rambling, I just needed to let this out.

[geis]

I would say something about it to her. I mean, she can't know how frustrating it is unless you say something.

I've had that same issue with therapists--I don't want to be congratulated for doing something normal people could do with no problem. What I've found more helpful is when they say, "I'm glad you _____." I'm not sure exactly why that's easier for me to hear, but it is.

[StressedMess]

I have homework of keeping an accomplishment journal, because it helps build self esteem to recognize we do make good choices. It is hard for me to accept someone being proud of me because I can't be proud of myself.

I don't want recognition for doing my job as a mom, a human, a worker. But I do deserve praise and self love.

[stopdog]

I would not tolerate such a statement because who the hell is the therapist to be or not be proud of me. It is not their place.

[coolibrarian]

I like being value dated. I don't need it all the time. It's just nice to hear. My parents don't say it to me enough.

[StressedMess]

Originally Posted by Cherbiej

I like being value dated. I don't need it all the time. It's just nice to hear. My parents don't say it to me enough.

It's nice to hear validation, I agree, and your parents should tell you more often. You should also validate yourself, and not practice negative self-talk, which is what I do.

[jexa]

Hmm yep, I wouldn't feel like my T understood if that was her response to that particular situation. I would think she was just giving me platitudes, and I would question her motives. But that's because I tend to fear what my T thinks.

I agree with the others. Practice a way to tell your T about this. Maybe even printing this post and handing it to her. I've done that several times when I was too chicken to say something out loud.

I don't think I would like it, but it would probably depend on the context. I can only think of one person who has said that to me, a friend (who is American - maybe it is a phrase that is more common in the USA?), and that did not feel bad to hear. So it might be okay from a therapist as well. It just seems like a weird thing to say. And in the context mentioned in the first post, I think it would make me angry.

[Onward2wards]

It never made me angry. My emotion was more like surprise.

[Salmon77]

I think I'd just take it as meaning "you're doing good, keep it up." She might not know the full details of your week but she knows you're trying hard and reaching out for help when you need it, and that's important.

[StressedMess]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

I think I'd just take it as meaning "you're doing good, keep it up." She might not know the full details of your week but she knows you're trying hard and reaching out for help when you need it, and that's important.

This! I have several cheerleaders in my life, they are always bright and smiling and peppy and full of joy and rah-rah-rah (I'm going to buy some pompoms for one of my counselors!!) and they tell me all the time how proud they are of me.

It's hard to take praise. It's embarrassing to receive a compliment. It's awkward for my doctor to be "proud" that I was able to get out of bed today, and why should I be proud of it? Everyone on the planet has issues, there's nothing special about mine.

That last sentence is my lifelong negative self-talk. And that's what she wants me to stop doing. And so she celebrates every tiny success with me, so that I will eventually begin to recognize them on my own, and stop focusing only on the negatives.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

I think I'd just take it as meaning "you're doing good, keep it up."

This interpretation would not be better for me. Who is a therapist to tell me such a thing? I don't pay the woman to be a cheerleader. I have stopped telling her anything I am happy about because of this sort of response from her. I find it awful and condescending.

I feel like it's a good thing. My t couldn't STOP saying "I'm so proud of you!" when I told her I finally published my book of poems. She said it a few MORE times after her copy arrived in the mail. It felt really good to me to hear. My mom never said she was proud of me. She still hasn't, when I told her about my book. I think that's why I told t about it before I told my mom. I took it to mean exactly that - that t is proud of me for doing it - because she knew how long it took me to become confident enough in myself and my writing to put it out there for the world. Working on my self-confidence has been a big topic in therapy.

[Partless]

Brokenwarrior, yeah bring this up with T to get clarity. But just to go off on a tangent, I find your name interesting. You described the sui feelings and wanting to carry through and then pull over and throw up from all of this stress and you are also still going to college too and study psychology ...and I'm sorry, if you are a broken warrior, then what the hell does s a real warrior look like? In my book you are an exemplary warrior. That's all I wanted to say.

.......

[coolibrarian]

Originally Posted by StressedMess

It's nice to hear validation, I agree, and your parents should tell you more often. You should also validate yourself, and not practice negative self-talk, which is what I do.

Darned autocorrect! SHOULD have said, "didn't.". My parents are both dead...so, it's nice to hear another adult say it. And I am plenty proud of myself, too.

[StressedMess]

Originally Posted by Cherbiej

Darned autocorrect! SHOULD have said, "didn't.". My parents are both dead...so, it's nice to hear another adult say it. And I am plenty proud of myself, too.

Auto correct is a nightmare. My parents are gone now, but I still hear their voices in my head reciting the rules and being horribly disappointed in me. I have this internal dialogue that will slap me down any time I try to feel good about myself.

Not being praised or allowed to be complimented by strangers (don't tell her that, she'll act uppity!!) made me ashamed of praise. I'm very "aw shucks ma'am" when people say "good job" or "you're the greatest" or whatever. Even saying thank you comes with a qualifier. "Thanks but it's my job" or "thanks but it was no trouble" or whatever.

Some days I missed work, too depressed to get out of bed. These days I have to write "woke up on time" in my accomplishment journal, not because it's special or unique, but because now I'm able to and then I wasn't. Have to write in my gratitude journal "went to work today, still have a job." You get the idea. T says accepting compliments and praise comes from good self-esteem, and good self-esteem starts with recognizing your assets not just your flaws.

[brokenwarrior]

Originally Posted by Partless

Brokenwarrior, yeah bring this up with T to get clarity. But just to go off on a tangent, I find your name interesting. You described the sui feelings and wanting to carry through and then pull over and throw up from all of this stress and you are also still going to college too and study psychology ...and I'm sorry, if you are a broken warrior, then what the hell does s a real warrior look like? In my book you are an exemplary warrior. That's all I wanted to say.

I honestly appreciate you saying this to me. I love people who are straight up and honest with me so thank you. Yes, I try my best to live a normal life on top of my depression. That way hopefully no one knows how badly I want my life to end.

In a way we are all warriors but we tend to not feel that way, thats where my name came from.