[HazelGirl]

Seriously, y'all, I don't.

Not even a little bit.

Yesterday, my T gave me a card to open today, on my birthday. But she said it wasn't a birthday card because she wasn't allowed to give out birthday cards (I'm not sure where that rule comes from, but whatever).

So I opened it this morning, and it basically said that although I don't see myself as very valuable or important (these are topics in our therapy), she sees me as precious. She even signed it "with love, T".

*Cue audience "aww..."*

So I sent her a text this morning thanking her for her "not-a-birthday" card, and she responded with even more kindness.

Seriously. I don't deserve her.

That is lovely Id so love to have that from my T.
By the way - you do deserve her.

Also - happy Birthday

[HazelGirl]

Thanks.

I don't feel like I pay her enough for all she does, haha.

This is so lovely!! My t told me after the fact that she'd been thinking about me on my birthday and wanted to text me, but she couldn't due to professional something or other, but it made me feel good knowing she'd been thinking about me on my bday.

Happy birthday by the way. And yes, you do deserve her.

[ThisWayOut]

That's awesome
and Happy Birthday!

[ScarletPimpernel]

You definitely deserve her. So glad you're back on the same page...in time for your b-day. Happy B-day!

[musinglizzy]

That is SO sweet!!!!

I woke up to an Email on my birthday earlier this summer....birthday wishes from my T. She was the first one I heard from.

Seriously, no birthday cards though?? We should have a topic just on this....boundaries and such....like has your T ever given you anything anyway?? The card is precious! I'd love to get a card from my T.

[HazelGirl]

Thanks y'all.

I wouldn't have been surprised by a text or an email on my birthday. That would be pretty normal. But I didn't expect a card, especially since she had said she wouldn't be able to give me one.

Musing, I'm not sure where that rule came from. I should ask her. As far as I know, birthday cards aren't specifically considered bad to most licensing boards in the USA. But maybe there's something there that applies. She has never given me anything before.

And I think I love her. And I think I need to tell her that. And although I know she would be okay with that, I am still anxious about it.

[RedSun]

Wow, happy happy birthday!
What a lovely t, lucky you xxx

[musinglizzy]

Completely understand.....I love my T too...won't say it though. I think there's rules somewhere...I dunno. I've never received anything from my T. Except good therapy and great hugs...

[Anne2.0]

I'm not really sure what's helpful when people post self deprecating or negative statements about themselves in posts like these.

Sometimes it feels like it is in the neighborhood of phishing, like a veiled attempt to encourage responses that say the opposite of whatever bad thing the OP thinks about herself.

But I am truly confused about what would be helpful to you or what I"m supposed to pay attention to. I think that your T's actions are very sweet, but hardly some kind of extraordinary kindness, even for T's. It's not as if she sent you on a free vacation, or comp'd her therapy. It's a gesture that communicates caring, but that can also be communicated verbally. I think that I would probably find such a card as over the top and weird, but I'm not really a sentimental person.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I'm not really sure what's helpful when people post self deprecating or negative statements about themselves in posts like these.

Sometimes it feels like it is in the neighborhood of phishing, like a veiled attempt to encourage responses that say the opposite of whatever bad thing the OP thinks about herself.

But I am truly confused about what would be helpful to you or what I"m supposed to pay attention to. I think that your T's actions are very sweet, but hardly some kind of extraordinary kindness, even for T's. It's not as if she sent you on a free vacation, or comp'd her therapy. It's a gesture that communicates caring, but that can also be communicated verbally. I think that I would probably find such a card as over the top and weird, but I'm not really a sentimental person.

I wasn't fishing for anything. Random people online can't give me that kind of validation. My heart was overflowing with gratitude and so I posted to brag about how awesome my T is. That's all.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

That's so wonderful! I would have loved to get even a text from my T on my birthday, but there was nothing. I do love the post-session hugs, though! I love my T, and have mentioned it to her, but not directly. I typed up a list entitled "Reasons why I love, appreciate, and am thankful for T" and then wrote 20 reasons. I gave her the paper. She thanked me and asked to give me a hug. :-). Now she is making me a list of things I've improved on and my strengths.

[harvest moon]

Happy Bday! Your T is precious!

[IndestructibleGirl]

Happy birthday, HazelGirl!

And FYI you do deserve her. But a tiny part of you, that's growing bigger the more you heal, knows that deep down already

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I'm not really sure what's helpful when people post self deprecating or negative statements about themselves in posts like these.

Sometimes it feels like it is in the neighborhood of phishing, like a veiled attempt to encourage responses that say the opposite of whatever bad thing the OP thinks about herself.

But I am truly confused about what would be helpful to you or what I"m supposed to pay attention to. I think that your T's actions are very sweet, but hardly some kind of extraordinary kindness, even for T's. It's not as if she sent you on a free vacation, or comp'd her therapy. It's a gesture that communicates caring, but that can also be communicated verbally. I think that I would probably find such a card as over the top and weird, but I'm not really a sentimental person.

Woah. I find this quite a negative response, with a subtle touch of vinegar through it.

It's pretty clear to me that HG was feeling abso****#inglootly overwhelmed (in a good way) by her T's love, and was simply marvelling aloud and sharing it with us on the forum.

[JustShakey]

Aww. Happy Birthday HG! And you do too deserve your T.
And I really wish I was dancing on furniture at your party right about now. I could use a good party

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[Petra5ed]

Shes a better judge than you and thinks you do deserve her, so! I get what you're feeling though, and that's a lot of pain and depression talking. I've felt similarly, and like when anyone shows me kindness it's out of pity.

[HazelGirl]

I have had a wonderful day, and thank you all for the birthday wishes. I am exhausted at the moment, haha. But I wanted to follow up and say thank you, and that I did enjoy my day a lot.

[sweepy62]

Learn to accept what you don't see in yourself hugs

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[Bill3]

Happy Birthday!

[Generic_username123]

A small gesture like that goes a long way.

Happy birthday :-)

[catlady83]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Musing, I'm not sure where that rule came from. I should ask her. As far as I know, birthday cards aren't specifically considered bad to most licensing boards in the USA. But maybe there's something there that applies. She has never given me anything before.

There's no specific rule about it, unless she works for an agency and they have a rule against it. In general it's discouraged though and her colleagues would probably scold her for it.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by catlady83

There's no specific rule about it, unless she works for an agency and they have a rule against it. In general it's discouraged though and her colleagues would probably scold her for it.

No, she doesn't work for an agency. She used to, so maybe she just follows the same rules still? It's weird because she almost never says "I would like to do x, but I'm not allowed". She's in private practice and so can set her own rules. But you might be right that her colleagues would discourage something like that.

[Bill3]

"I would like to do x, but I'm not allowed".

She is still bound by state regulations and the code of ethics of her particular discipline. These rules do not specifically address birthday cards, I presume, but no doubt they do speak of dual relationships. The therapist in private practice applies those rules largely as she sees fit, but is wise to consider the input of colleagues so as to lessen the chances of being accused of an ethical breach.