[geez]

I had a T of 6 years that I stopped seeing because I don't think she can help me anymore. Even though I feel that way intellectually, emotionally I am fond of her and I look up to her. I told her I was taking a break and then I decided to see a different T. I've since told my old T this and all is fine.

I feel like I'm stuck between two T's. My old T I have communicated with on a couple of life events... grandmother passing etc... and I even called her to ask her what her thoughts were on something.

I feel like I want to see her to tell her things but I don't feel that she can help me.

My new T I've seen a couple times. I don't know that she can help me either. I'm being patient and waiting till I get to about 5 appointments before I make any more decisions/changes.

Anyone else in limbo?

[Freewilled]

Sounds like a really tight spot, geez. Is there any particular reason why your T is no longer helpful to you? What kinds of things were you hoping the new T can help you with that old T can't?

[geez]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

Sounds like a really tight spot, geez. Is there any particular reason why your T is no longer helpful to you? What kinds of things were you hoping the new T can help you with that old T can't?

I don't know that my T can help me anymore. I'm frustrated and I don't think she has the skills to help me with CSA history and overcoming my sex issues. I'm confused by the past and the present blending together. I tried EMDR with her and I'm STUCK!

[growlycat]

This is part of the reason I started seeing my CBT T. I still see my T of 20 yrs but CBT's approach is so different, it has been a helpful addition.

[geez]

Originally Posted by growlycat

This is part of the reason I started seeing my CBT T. I still see my T of 20 yrs but CBT's approach is so different, it has been a helpful addition.

My old T primarily works in CBT. I've been helped a lot by her in this realm. Just not sure where to go from here.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Have you told old T that you "don't know if she can help you anymore" and have you asked T about if she has other approaches she can use?

My T is doing like 4-5 approaches with me. I can't keep track of what if all, but if she can make sense of what she's doing, I'm more than happy to follow. And it's been working.

[stopdog]

Your title made me think of this

It sounds like you are really attached to old t and finding it hard to let go yet. That's only natural after seeing her for six years.
Sometimes it's good to have a frank conversation with your t and just say that you need help with your csa and sexuality issues. I know it's hard to take charge like that and be assertive but it's your therapy and you are paying for it.
I spent two years with two different ts wasting my time and going around in circles going nowhere. Attachment prevents therapy sometimes and can be very counterproductive.
How would you feel about telling your t that you don't feel she is helping anymore?
It's very hard to be so honest but also empowering to take control of your life.

[iheartjacques]

When I told T I was feeling stuck, it was like he changed gears and now I'm having to work hard again. so maybe she needed to know that you were at a plateau and needed a different approach? different issues seem to need a different approach.

[geez]

My old T knows about the CSA and that I'm stuck. We tried EMDR and I'm too shut down right now.

Feeling hopeless :-(

[geez]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Have you told old T that you "don't know if she can help you anymore" and have you asked T about if she has other approaches she can use?

I asked her this before and she did EMDR. That's when I got stuck :-( and planned on trying marriage t. Who can't help because she's not specialized in CSA and sex therapy.

I'm going to call old T and ask her if she has any other ideas.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Are you stuck because the EMDR wasn't helpful? Or are you stuck because you don't trust your T since she doesn't "specialize" in csa and sexuality? Or are you stuck because you're not ready to deal with the csa and sexuality? How long have you been trying to work on those 2 issues with old T? How long have you tried working on the EMDR?

[geez]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Are you stuck because the EMDR wasn't helpful? Or are you stuck because you don't trust your T since she doesn't "specialize" in csa and sexuality? Or are you stuck because you're not ready to deal with the csa and sexuality? How long have you been trying to work on those 2 issues with old T? How long have you tried working on the EMDR?

I'm stuck because EMDR wasn't helpful. We tried 3 sessions of it and I'm 'stuck'. I'm having a really hard time trying to figure something out that's intimacy related. My T does have CSA experience but I don't think she can help me. The EMDR was a plan she had to help me and it didn't work. I feel like she says the same things to me and nothing is working. When I started seeing my T 6 years ago I told her about the csa... she was the only one I've ever told (besides my husband). I'm really attached to her

I started seeing a new T that specializes in Trauma and CSA.. she does CBT, EMDR, IFS and some other modalities.

It's so hard trusting someone new.

I think with my old T there was some problems of feeling too attached to her and that is threatening to me. If I feel threatened I can't be vulnerable to my feelings in session..... so I guess why the hell am I seeing a new T? - if I get attached to new T I'm just going to shut down like before.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't know the whole picture, obviously. But idk. It sounds like you still have more work to do with old T. Maybe you're not ready to process the issues yet? And maybe you need to process other issues first...like the attachment. The reason I say this is because it seems like you kind of ran away. I'm not quiet sure what the goal is for you in terms of therapy...what exactly it is that you feel your T hasn't helped you with. And I know nothing about EMDR except a little I read, and I couldn't do it...but that's just me. But I don't think after 3 times it would be life changing.

[geez]

Thank you Scarlet. I think it's now becoming clear to me that I have some unfinished business. Instead of running away from old T because I'm stuck and I hate being attached to her I'm going to ask her if there are any other treatments she has to offer (or do I need to give EMDR more time?); tell her that I'm fearful of the attachment I have to her (that's part of why I started with someone new). I also feel like I'm failing at therapy and I get the sense that she's getting sick of me and has a loss for words.

I left her a phone message to call me back and I have a question.

I'll keep you posted on what happens.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Failing is not trying. If you are still trying, then you're not failing Things take time. Think about how long your issues have been affecting you. They have long roots and it takes time to figure out how far it goes and what parts of your life have been effected. And sometimes, we have to accept the fact that it will never completely go away. It's a part of us, but it's not who we are. And look at it in the positive light: it has made you stronger. It has allowed you to learn a lot about yourself and life. While I don't ever wish pain on anyone, pain can be positive.

Please do update us!

[geez]

Update..... I wrote all my questions/feelings down in an email and sent it to my old T......

I meet with her on Friday EEEK!

Me to T:

Hi T,

I have a few questions to ask you about my therapy. What time do you have available to talk for a few minutes?

To prepare you:

1. EMDR didn't seem to work for me. Is it that I/we didn't give it enough time?

2. You do mostly CBT. Is this to make it for a quick counseling period with clients? Not the on and off of six years that I've seen you.

3. Are there any other methods you think would be helpful to me in therapy? Do you think that you can't help me anymore?

4. I've seen new T for 3-4 visits. I like her but I don't know that she can help get me unstuck. It's very painful to become 'attached' to someone. (Never mind starting over with a new therapist.) Trust has to be there in therapy and a lot of time is spent on back ground history etc... Should I be moving on? Do you care?

I left a phone message last Thursday and decided to organize my thoughts in an email.

Should I be making an appointment to discuss this???

Anxiously awaiting your response.

- Geez


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Old T's response to my email:

Geez,
Sorry i did not respond to your call. The weekend came and it slipped my mind. We could talk by phone or meet for 30min in person (not as an appt, no fee). Which is better for you?
I'll be prepared to answer the questions.
If you want to meet face to face- I have time Friday mid morning.

- T

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So Friday I meet with old T. Tomorrow I have an appointment with new T (I'm going to share with her my feelings and questions for old T).

and Today I have an appointment with my Psychiatrist :-/

I'm going to be exhausted by the end of the week!

Any thoughts???

Any pocket riders for these big conversations???

[rainbow8]

For sure I'll be a pocket rider! I like your questions and that old T sounds very motivated to answer them. I hope that together you can come up with a good plan.

Did you do IFS with your old T? If not, I'd give new T a try. I really liked it. Good luck whatever you decide. I'll be cheering you on from your pocket!

[Restin]

I don't feel much loyalty to T's. They let you get in a deep transference with them and then smack you with the termination cr*@^%!! I wouldn't feel guilty to see two at a time if I could afford it. I will stay in therapy with somebody the rest of my life, if I want to and not feel guilty. I feel the need to talk in depth to someone. You certainly can't find people in your social circle who will talk about anything but themselves or trivia. I guess I've gotten cynical a bit from being in therapy and hospital so much. I just think you should do what feels right for yourself and your inner child needs.

I've been lucky to find a very good therapist now and will probably get over my hang-ups this time. Therapists used to look down on dependence and transference needs, but now most will work with it. So much depends on what a T believes in about therapy. I came right out and asked my therapist what she believes about treating transference. I wouldn't trust her until she said it's OK and she will be very gentle with me. I would rather know what the T believes about therapy than have her be a kindly seeming person. And it's always good to have a back-up in case things go totally downhill, or T takes a long trip, or becomes ill. I know this sounds cold, but this is experience speaking.

[geez]

Restin asking your T how she treats transference is a great question! I may ask the new T this question tomorrow :-)

[ScarletPimpernel]

Your old T sounds pretty awesome. It will be interesting to see how she answers those questions. Btw, those are great questions!

I'll definitely be a pocket rider too.

[geez]

Update!

I met with new T yesterday and shared with her my questions that I have for old T. We talked a little bit about the questions and I asked her what she thought. She told me her thoughts about EMDR and how for some people it works and for others not so much. It depends on the person/individual. She also said sometimes it can take a while to tease out the root of a feeling or emotion. (this T is versed in trauma) She also asked that I keep her posted for my appointment next week.


Today I met with Old T and I had my questions:

She said that she gave a lot of thought to my questions during the week and had a few thoughts.



1. EMDR didn't seem to work for me. Is it that I/we didn't give it enough time?

Old T's response was that she thinks I'm holding back or have a tight control on my emotions. So much so it makes it difficult for EMDR My T has also said that she has never seen me really sad :-( or upset.



2. You do mostly CBT. Is this to make it for a quick counseling period with clients? Not the on and off of six years that I've seen you.

Old T was a little taken a back by my question as she doesn't see herself as a therapist that does CBT exclusively or in the traditional sense. While she does do CBT she doesn't exclusively draw from that for her therapy tools. She sees herself as drawing from several areas not exclusively from one area. She also does some IFS (if I remember the term correctly).

She asked me if I was angry when I wrote that question and I said yes. She asked why and I told her I feel like I'm the client that wont go away. I feel like I'm bothering her and that I'm taking too much of her time (even though I'm paying her). She said none of that is true.

She also said that there are clients she sees over a period of years sporadically. People will call her when something comes up and they see her until things are resolved. She asked me if I thought I was the only person she has seen for a long period of time? I told her I didn't know but that's what I imagined.




3. Are there any other methods you think would be helpful to me in therapy? Do you think that you can't help me anymore?

She said based on my work in therapy, outpatient and the reading I've done I have a large knowledge base. She has also talked to me about what I wanted to figure out in therapy and suggested that because I'm stuck to take a break. She thinks that I'm becoming somewhat obsessive about the problem. I'm also a student and a mother and she suggested I work on doing things I enjoy and working on a friendship with someone.



4. I've seen new T for 3-4 visits. I like her but I don't know that she can help get me unstuck. It's very painful to become 'attached' to someone. (Never mind starting over with a new therapist.) Trust has to be there in therapy and a lot of time is spent on back ground history etc... Should I be moving on? Do you care?

I didn't ask her "Should I be moving on" in person as I thought that sounded a little confrontational and rude perhaps? She did tell me if I hear from a marriage T that does sex therapy that I should see them. However she thinks it would be ok to take a break. She is also interested in the book: Counseling Adult Survivors of Childhood Sex Abuse - so I plan on lending it to her sometime on winter break (she's teaching right now so she doesn't have the time to devote to it right now)She has lots of experience counseling children who have been abused but not adults who were abusedas children - sexual trauma
In the end I felt good about what we talked about. I felt like I had been holding onto these false perceptions for so long and ended up wasting all this energy instead of speaking to her about what I was feeling.




We ended on a hug and I'll be seeing her in passing at my gym (we workout at the same place).

I feel at peace from the visit and when I see new T next week I plan on telling her that I'll be taking a break.

When I need to see a therapist again I'm not sure which T I would go to (possibly old T because she knows me so well?). But either way it feels good to know that I have a choice.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm so happy for you that you now feel at peace over this, plus gained some clarity.

Not everyone needs long-term therapy. But everyone could probably use short-term therapy at certain points in their life.

I personally need long-term therapy atm. I'm not stable enough to be w/o it. But my T has told me that she will continue to be there for me throughout my life even when we terminate. She said I can always see her again even if it's just for a few sessions. I have difficulty with friendships, and she told me that whether she's my active therapist or not, she wants to process new relationships with me.

I'm glad you, in a sense, worked things out with old T.