Feeling very bad

I.m not sure whats happening, but i think im relapsing depression-wise. I feel very isolated and completely flat. All my CSA memories keep flickering in my brain.

I just know i havent felt like this in a while. I was doing good and almost overnight, i fell. I cant get out of bed or get dressed or eat.

Idk what to do. Texting my t would help, i know it would, but i dont want to intrude.

Im not sure i can return to classes on Monday. I feel so fricking terrible.

Sorry you are feeling so low.

If texting your therapist would help, then try to do it......I am sure they won't feel you are intruding with a text.

Call your t.

Don't fall downwards down the spiral if there is help available to you.

Thanks. I saw her yesterday when i wasnt feeling quite so low, and we discussed relationships, we didnt talk about depression. Its saturday and i just... I dont want to pit a downer on her weekend.

My parents are around and im stuck with them this weekend. Im not sure if there is help available; my mind keeps telling me she doesnt like me and im a burden

Perhaps you could ask for an extra or earlier session next week as it may help motivate you?

You are not a burden my sweet.

What RQ says^^^^

Also, just sending an email for me helps me feel less alone and more connected with my therapist. Perhaps a text will do the same, and give your therapist a chance to get in touch asap when back in the office?

Oh god I know what you mean, I am having a hard time as well, and holidays are around the corner and they are major trigger for me. My old t helped alot. This t doesn't know all my triggers. I'm sending you hugs.

read this and just wanted you to know that sounds really hard and scary

i don't know if you have a list of things you might do to help 'counter act' the downward pulls? for me, even though i feel like i can't, in my experience it sometimes helps to:
-listen to uplifting music
-shower
-write or draw
-walk outside in a non-stressful/safe location
-exercise to feel more grounded/in my body
- watch funny movie to distract (my go to is usually monsters inc)

i don't know if that kind of stuff would help with depression, but it helps me pass the time and sometimes i am surprised that i will feel a little brighter and then maybe i think its just a bad mood and not a relapse.

it gets really scary when any bad day can maybe meant that its a relapse. but different moods are normal too! its ok to have a hard/sad day.

also, yeah, if reaching out to your T would help then do it. but for me if my T doesn't respond sometimes i just feel worse and wait and wait. (he doesn't respond on weekends and i know that) i'm usually more like you where the idea of being an intrusion would make me feel worse.

Hope you are feeling better.

Thank you all. I distracted myself for the whole day. Not feeling much better but at least i survived and got through it.

I just dont know what to do with all this CSA crap. Its eating me alive.

Will probably have to get a meds raise.

Thank you. I did a few things you said and they were a good distraction. Its a relief to hear that it might just be a hard day too, i gotta keep reminding myself it wont go on forever. Thanks anyway though, just wanted to tell you this post really helped me.