I.m not sure whats happening, but i think im relapsing depression-wise. I feel very isolated and completely flat. All my CSA memories keep flickering in my brain.

I just know i havent felt like this in a while. I was doing good and almost overnight, i fell. I cant get out of bed or get dressed or eat.

Idk what to do. Texting my t would help, i know it would, but i dont want to intrude.

Im not sure i can return to classes on Monday. I feel so fricking terrible.

[JaneC]

Sorry you are feeling so low.

If texting your therapist would help, then try to do it......I am sure they won't feel you are intruding with a text.

[Raging Quiet]

Call your t.

Don't fall downwards down the spiral if there is help available to you.

Thanks. I saw her yesterday when i wasnt feeling quite so low, and we discussed relationships, we didnt talk about depression. Its saturday and i just... I dont want to pit a downer on her weekend.

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

Call your t.

Don't fall downwards down the spiral if there is help available to you.

My parents are around and im stuck with them this weekend. Im not sure if there is help available; my mind keeps telling me she doesnt like me and im a burden

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

Thanks. I saw her yesterday when i wasnt feeling quite so low, and we discussed relationships, we didnt talk about depression. Its saturday and i just... I dont want to pit a downer on her weekend.

Perhaps you could ask for an extra or earlier session next week as it may help motivate you?

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

My parents are around and im stuck with them this weekend. Im not sure if there is help available; my mind keeps telling me she doesnt like me and im a burden

You are not a burden my sweet.

[JaneC]

What RQ says^^^^

Also, just sending an email for me helps me feel less alone and more connected with my therapist. Perhaps a text will do the same, and give your therapist a chance to get in touch asap when back in the office?

[sweepy62]

Oh god I know what you mean, I am having a hard time as well, and holidays are around the corner and they are major trigger for me. My old t helped alot. This t doesn't know all my triggers. I'm sending you hugs.

[scallion5]

read this and just wanted you to know that sounds really hard and scary

i don't know if you have a list of things you might do to help 'counter act' the downward pulls? for me, even though i feel like i can't, in my experience it sometimes helps to:
-listen to uplifting music
-shower
-write or draw
-walk outside in a non-stressful/safe location
-exercise to feel more grounded/in my body
- watch funny movie to distract (my go to is usually monsters inc)

i don't know if that kind of stuff would help with depression, but it helps me pass the time and sometimes i am surprised that i will feel a little brighter and then maybe i think its just a bad mood and not a relapse.

it gets really scary when any bad day can maybe meant that its a relapse. but different moods are normal too! its ok to have a hard/sad day.

also, yeah, if reaching out to your T would help then do it. but for me if my T doesn't respond sometimes i just feel worse and wait and wait. (he doesn't respond on weekends and i know that) i'm usually more like you where the idea of being an intrusion would make me feel worse.

[Raging Quiet]

Hope you are feeling better.

Thank you all. I distracted myself for the whole day. Not feeling much better but at least i survived and got through it.

I just dont know what to do with all this CSA crap. Its eating me alive.

Will probably have to get a meds raise.

Originally Posted by scallion5

read this and just wanted you to know that sounds really hard and scary

i don't know if you have a list of things you might do to help 'counter act' the downward pulls? for me, even though i feel like i can't, in my experience it sometimes helps to:
-listen to uplifting music
-shower
-write or draw
-walk outside in a non-stressful/safe location
-exercise to feel more grounded/in my body
- watch funny movie to distract (my go to is usually monsters inc)

i don't know if that kind of stuff would help with depression, but it helps me pass the time and sometimes i am surprised that i will feel a little brighter and then maybe i think its just a bad mood and not a relapse.

it gets really scary when any bad day can maybe meant that its a relapse. but different moods are normal too! its ok to have a hard/sad day.

also, yeah, if reaching out to your T would help then do it. but for me if my T doesn't respond sometimes i just feel worse and wait and wait. (he doesn't respond on weekends and i know that) i'm usually more like you where the idea of being an intrusion would make me feel worse.

Thank you. I did a few things you said and they were a good distraction. Its a relief to hear that it might just be a hard day too, i gotta keep reminding myself it wont go on forever. Thanks anyway though, just wanted to tell you this post really helped me.