My friend wants to see my T. - jealous

I have a good friend who I talk to about my therapy. She now wants to see my therapist and I'm totally jealous. Yes, being completely honest, I'm worried my T. will like her more than me. I know it's irrational but it is what it is. And, I totally know that other people see my T. but I don't know them so I'm not jealous. Her office is set up that you don't see who is waiting.
Do I say something to my friend? I don't want to deny her a good T. but I'm having a hard time....

I don't feel people in close relationships should see the same T. Maybe your T could refer your friend.

I almost had this exact same situation. I would personally get very jealous if my friend saw my T. What if your friend were to tell you something caring T said to her, or told you something about T that you didn't know? Plus, what if you ever wanted to say something about your friend? It would be awkward since your T would also have her as a client. I asked my friend (it was a college counseling center) if she could ask for a different T, and basically just explained my feelings toward the situation to her. My friend was really understanding and didn't mind at all. Maybe your friend hasn't fully considered what it would be like to have the same T? You could also try talking to your T about it.

I think ethically its not done? So the decision is not really up to you. Its like its already been figured out that yes it would be harmful to your therapy. So a) dont even worry about it, not gonna happen 2. But you can still think about why it would bother you, theoretically. But really, your t should not take on your family or friends.

I have had two of my VERY close friends see my T in the past and at one point all three of us were going at the same time. They both stopped, but I still see her. I never felt jealousy for some reason, but it did feel weird in the beginning. My T asked in the beginning if it would bother me if she saw them, and I told her no. The part that always got me was when she would ask me how they were doing, and I always wanted to answer "you should know!" My friends and I talked about our sessions here and there, but nothing serious, only funny events that happened. Only once did my friend tell my T something about me that I was hiding, but I was actually happy she did, as it made it easier to talk about in my session. Other than that, T never said anything about my friends in my sessions, or vice versa (hopefully!).

For your situation, I would bring it up to your T and your friend and see what can be done. I am sure that your friend wouldn't mind, neither would your T, as your feelings are valid.

Could you ask your T about it?

Thanks for the thoughts. I texted my friend that if she goes to my T., I can't hear about her sessions or be a sounding board. I've had the same problem with a co-worker - feeling jealous and worried my T. is more caring towards her than me. I said I think it's awesome she wants to get better, but I can't be a part of it.
I'll also tell my T. but I won't see her until Thursday and I think my friend has already left a message. I'm not sure what my T. would say. She knows that this is a good friend who I confide in.
I thought about texting my T. my thoughts but maybe I should just wait until my appointment?

I think you should let your t know at least that this is a good friend of yours, and ASAP. I recommended my t to a best friend, who contacted my t, but my t referred her on because she said it would cross boundaries. I'm sooooooo glad she didn't work with her

I would not wait to talk to your T just in case she already responds to your friend. I can't imagine that she would take her on, given your friendship, but just in case I would call and say 'Hey, T, you know 'Jessica' whom I've talked about before? Well she wants to begin therapy, and she wants to see YOU! I assume you would not accept her, given that I, your current patient, am good friends with her, but just in case I wanted to let you know that I would not be comfortable with that arrangement.'

I honestly don't think she would take this girl on. My T wouldn't even take my husband on, and he had been seeing us as a couples therapist to begin with so he already had a relationship with my husband. When my husband left the marriage he left couples counseling with our T, but I stayed and began individual sessions. Months later I expressed a concern that if my husband ever wanted to come back and start his own individual sessions with our T that he would take him and I wouldn't like that. My T immediately made a face and said there's no way he'd ever take my husband back, not now, it was far too late, he was 'my' T only. Just to be extra safe I told my T if he did anyway, I would never come back. Your T owes her loyalty to you, not some possible future patient. I'm sure she can find plenty of new patients, she doesn't need your friend.

THanks. Actually, my T. is seeing my husband and I together but mainly to help him learn how to be supportive with me. She has seen us together and separate in the past. I guess I will text her. I hate coming across this way but I don't know what else to do. I haven't heard back from my friend yet.

Ugh, typing a text and can't figure out how to word it. So far I have "I was going to wait until Thursday to say something but it might be better now. I've talked several times about K who I often confide in about my sessions. She asked me for your number to start seeing you for issues with her H. I must talk positively about you. In no way do I want to suggest who can be your client, but I would feel weird about it. I have told K if she sees you I can't be a sounding board for her issues of which I am familiar. Perhaps she won't end up seeing you, but I wanted to let you know."
How does that sound?

Take her name out. Just say i dont want you to see my friend!!

If that is your friend's real name, I would delete it.

I think that sounds really good, SM.

My friend just responded that it totally makes sense and she doesn't know what she'll do. I asked if she had called and she said no. She wants to explore all her options first. So, I may sit tight and see what happens. My T. is big on me not texting her my feelings in between sessions and this falls into that category but timing is everything. I told my friend that I hate it because I want to be able to talk to her about what she's going through and support her. But, I just can't if my T. is involved.

I felt I needed to mention the name otherwise she wouldn't know who I'm talking about?

You needed to tell the therapist your friend's name - but not post the name here.

My friend needs a good therapist and I told my therapist that I'd like to have my friend come see her.

My therapist said, "Friend groups can be problematic. Not always, but I try to stay away from seeing people in the same friend group. I can give your friend a referral, I know many excellent therapists."

When I was seeing my x-therapist, I liked her very much and when one of my good friends was looking for a therapist, I mentioned this therapist and encouraged her to call. She did and she saw my x-therapist for about a year. She really helped her and our appointments never overlapped, except for once. I was being seen and when it was time to leave, my x-therapist said, "There is someone that you know in the waiting room. Are you comfortable leaving or would you like me to ask the person to step across the hall." I laughed and told her that I knew my friend was in the waiting room because we had talked earlier in the day and she told me she had an appointment at 4:00 p.m.

I do understand feeling jealous about a good friend seeing your therapist. I've felt that in other relationships. For some reason, I didn't feel that with this therapist, even though I liked her very much and felt she was very skilled. But I also know that I haven't ever experienced painful attachment to any of the three therapists I've seen over my lifetime.

I think it's a very good idea to let your therapist know how you feel about her seeing your friend. Most therapist will honor your reservations about seeing people you know well or interact with on a regular basis. I hope it works out!

The biggest issue is that I want to help my friend and be a sounding board. She usually talks to me and vents and vice versa. If she goes to my T., then I can't listen about her sessions. I will wonder why my T. said this, did this, etc. and not with me. Like one of you posted, what if she's more caring with her, etc. I just can't hear about it for my own sake. Looks like my friend is looking for someone out of town right now so it may all work out anyway.

My roommate sees my T. I'm always paranoid that he likes her better, but I realize they have a completely different relationship. When she needs to reschedule an appointment, she calls the actual office and leaves a message on the answering service they have for him. Him and I just text. So...sometimes I'm quick to get jealous, but then realize maybe I'm being silly.

If it would really bother you, then maybe I would talk to the friend and tell them how uncomfortable you might feel about sharing the same one? Or, you could as your T what they think of the possible situation. They might claim that it is unethical to see two friends, especially if they see how the situation could upset you.

I would not what my good friends to see my therapist. It has nothing to do with jealousy though. I vent about things a lot including my insecurities when it comes to my best friend. I know the insecurities are unwarranted and that is why I only talk to T about them. My best friend knows I have a lot of problems with trust and misreading people. T and I work through it all. I would be afraid if T saw my best friend she might handle the issue differently with me..

Back when I first started to see T. She asked me if hubby had any brothers with wife that might be seeking a therapist. I told her that I don't think neither of his brothers would be seeking T. She had received referral for somebody with my last name and she wouldn't take them on if they were related. I gave her basic information and the conversation ended there. A few months later as I was leaving an appointment I ran into my BIL and SIL waiting to see another therapist in the building.

My T would never see someone I know for individual therapy. She wouldn't even allow my fiance to see a T in her office. I would never share my T with anyone I know. I wouldn't trust my T or the other person. I've had to share a mental health counselor with a friend...it ended the friendship.

Don't do it. Seriously this is the kind of thing that it is ok to say no to. If your friend doesn't understand just tell her you are trying to protect your relationship with her. Its not worth it to lose a friend over a therapist.

My t wouldn't allow this to happen. She has referred to other ts when a friend has wanted one. It just wouldn't work. It would be awful. I don't think it's ethical so think it will be ok for you.

I just wanted to add that some therapists do agree to see another members of the same family or friends, or spouses etc. Usually, the therapist, if she is aware of the connection to one of her other clients, will check with the original client without giving any names. Some therapist will outright refuse to see clients who have a connection to one of their other clients. The problem is, however, that in small towns, where there are limited number of clinicians or when clients have to go to a county mental health clinic, there is going to be unavoidable overlap, and if that therapist is the only game in town, everyone has to adjust and the therapist has to be really really diligent in regards to confidentiality. It can make things very messy . . . not to mention situations where the therapist suddenly finds that the person he is seeing for therapy is the son, daughter, sister, brother, mother, father of the woman he has just started dating. Yep, it happens. Often an awkward and uncomfortable situation for all!