[HazelGirl]

I don't know why I do this.

She has been there every single time I had an appointment for the past two and a half years. She has never forgotten about me or left before seeing me. But something in my mind gets scared every week that she will forget about me and won't be there when I get there. It's this horrible terrifying feeling of being so afraid of being forgotten, abandoned, and labeled insignificant. I hate it.

[kaliope]

i imagine it has to do with your past. have you talked to t about this so you can work on this abandonment feelings? the way I deal with these type of irrational thoughts is to counteract them with the facts, positive self talk with the evidence that t has always been there. take care.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by kaliope

i imagine it has to do with your past. have you talked to t about this so you can work on this abandonment feelings? the way I deal with these type of irrational thoughts is to counteract them with the facts, positive self talk with the evidence that t has always been there. take care.

She knows I have these feelings, but I don't often talk about them when they come up. Maybe I need to do that more.

[kaliope]

Talking about them as often as they come up will help alleviate them. Because it's anxiety you'll need to go over it over and over before it goes away

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I have felt this way so many times. Once I even convinced myself I had seen T driving in the opposite direction when I was on my way to my appointment. It is starting to improve as trust grows.
Like you I think it is rooted in old fears of abandonment. I have mentioned them to T. It does help.

[Soccer mom]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

She knows I have these feelings, but I don't often talk about them when they come up. Maybe I need to do that more.

There are many feelings that come up and I never mention them for some reason. I need to get better at talking about them as they're happening...

[Elkino]

I know this feeling. And it even happened twice to me that my T forgot about an appointment... and believe it or not but it helped so much. I felt forgotten, not important enough, abandoned,... But after a while I realized that this state of panic couldn't continue and found a way out of it. I was a bit like 'If you forget about me, I won't be here waiting for you... this is me-time!'. ;-)
It feels like the worst thing that could happen to you and suddenly it happens and you have to find a way to deal with it. And probably you would too. There's no choice. Of course I definitely don't wish for you that you ever experience the same, but maybe you could ask yourself this 'what if...' question and try to work with that answer with your T.

If it would happen it would still be devastating. You can't really prepare for it even if you torture yourself with that thought and even though it always is a possibility. But you can try to find a strategy that you can use in case it would happen, so that you know you have the power to get through that moment. And I hope you find these tools inside yourself. I think it's important to talk about it and make it all feel a little safer for you.

[HazelGirl]

We have a lot of other things to talk about today, but if I get a chance, I will try to bring it up. I'm wondering if the sudden increase in these thoughts and feelings is related to her temporarily switching my appointment time two weeks ago. It was a misunderstanding, but it was difficult for me to handle, and these thoughts and feelings have gotten worse since then.