[ScarletPimpernel]

I was angry at my T before the last session with her. It's upsetting to me when she says that my SUI thoughts are comforting to me, and it's upsetting how often she brings up DBT group. I understand the logic behind both.

For the SUI thoughts: I have conditioned myself over the years to have them. They give me a sense of control. But that doesn't mean I want the thoughts or enjoy them.

With the DBT group: I know it will be a huge benefit for me to go. The skills are important, but so is the social aspect. I have exhausted every option to find one. I either can't afford it, I don't live in the right area, or I have to give up my T and Pdoc. But she keeps bringing it up. I'm extremely afraid of the social aspect. And I feel like I don't have a choice in the matter. Plus I fear disappointing her.

So I brought it up with my T last session. I told her I don't feel like she's validating my feelings with both topics. I told her I understood the logical aspects of both. She reassured me with both. She said that she understands I don't want the SUI thoughts and that they are very difficult for me to deal with. She said she knows that some days it's an accomplishment to get out of bed. She also reassured me that she's not bringing up the DBT to torture me. She said she keeps bringing it up because she knows how terrified I am about it and wants to help me with some of the anxiety around it.

Interesting part of the whole session... I thought that she expected me to complete all four modules of DBT. That's the expectation of most groups. It's also how I am. If I'm going to do something, I put in 100% effort. But my T said she doesn't expect that from me. She said that she's proud that I would even consider going. She said that if I even walk through the door it will be a giant step for me. It really validated my fears to hear her say that. It was actually comforting to know that she understands. It also makes me want to go...to make her even more proud.

Anyways, I just thought I'd share. Maybe it will encourage others to open up more with their T. It might be scary to say things because it can be a hige risk, but often times it's a huge benefit. For me, after last session, I trust my T even more. I don't like anger and I do fear rejection or abandonment. But because I opened up, I feel more connected and more safe because my T understands me.

I'm glad to hear you had that experience.

[HolisticGal]

That's great news! I too feel that I have been more motivated to study harder and be less anxious because I felt she held me accountable. Regarding your DBT comment - I find that the income differential makes it rather hard for Ts to relate to some of their patients (i.e. the unemployed like myself). Mine mentioned for me to get allergy shots because she had them done and I was like with what money??

Me - I'm not so upfront with my T. I look at it as a practice exercise in letting go. Or I'm being avoidant. Who knows. It's a business after all and if you are the type of client who needs to feel cared for, that's what she will give you. I'd rather just have her genuine reaction.

[pbutton]

Yes, I am slowly learning this as well. The more open I am able to be with T, the better I feel. I still struggle with being as honest as possible. I am not trying to hide nformation, I just need to learn how to share better. It is a new skill for me...and i am a noob. Lol