[guilloche]

I told T that the main message I got from my mom was "go away". This makes sense, and wasn't hard to say.

He then asked about the earliest times I can remember getting this message, I came up with something, but had trouble talking about the feelings (of course).

Today, I thought of another *great* example of this. I have no trouble remembering it or thinking about it, it doesn't cause me to dissociate or feel anxious. It's sad, but that's it.

But when I think about telling T - I feel almost a panic. Like "nope, not going to happen". I think trying to say it, and talk about the feelings, would shut me down really fast

I can't understand WHY? Do you have this problem too? Was there anything specific you did, or worked on, that helped? (I think it might be either fear that T is going to say it's not a big deal, implying that I'm just over-sensitive, or feeling embarrassed about the feelings... but I'm not 100% sure).

What if it really IS "not a big deal" and I really am over-sensitive? Is that possible? Should I consider that, and assume that if T says that... then it's better to know and deal with THAT?

[unaluna]

It probably wasnt a huge thing. Its just that there were a million of them. A few of them, you probably could have handled. A few of them mixed in with more positive things, a few bad things wont cancel out all the good. Its when the bad FAR outweigh the good, that you realize the good arent real. Its when the good only happens when there are other people around and its put on for show and then you get yelled at for not getting your lines right.

I have been thinking about this same thing. People on here often talk about things they feel it is hard to say, and I think they are things that are fine to say, their T would be fine with them. But there are many things I find it hard to say. What I have been doing lately is just saying them. The more of them I say the easier it seems to get.

[Soccer mom]

I have the same issue: worried about judgment or that it's not a big deal. I also think I feel guilty for my feelings.

[stopdog]

For me, it is because the woman responds so badly.

[brokenwarrior]

I think it is because when you were young and you tried to talk about your feelings about a certain thing, your mom dismiss it. Like you said, the main message you got from her was to go away. So, I would guess that you keep quiet about your feelings now because they were put down as a child.

So now when you think about discussing this with your T, some part of you might be scared that he will shut you feelings down just like your mom did.

No one has a right to decide how "big a deal" your feelings are. There all important and if you have a good T, then he will know this.

[StressedMess]

I've often wondered why it's such a big deal for me to want people to think I'm super-strong and in control all the time. Humans hurt, but not me, I'm fine!

I smile and giggle while talking about truly horrific stuff. I know I was affected by maltreatment and T knows it also. Why is it so tough to admit it aloud?

What would happen if I dropped the front? She would know I'm a sniveling weakling with no spine and no courage, but I've already told her that. Telling for me is easier than showing.

[guilloche]

Ooh thanks guys. I think you are all right. I did a little journaling around this, trying to figure it out... as I was writing, I realized, "huh, this is all very logical left brain stuff". I was using my right brain to try to see what "feels right" but I was generating ideas with my left brain.

So, I pictured my little inner-child-self (I don't do this too often, but figured, what the heck) and thought about why SHE would be scared to tell T this stuff.

And, duh! You're right. I got made fun of when I cried, or was hurting (or sometimes just ignored/blown off). Of course she/I would be scared now...

Anyway... I've been doing some writing for T. He encouraged me at the last session to try writing stuff and giving it to him at the beginning of the session to talk about (instead of the end, when I like to hand it to him and run out the door very fast!). So this might be a good thing to try it with. I think I will still have trouble and shut down, but Brown Owl, I'll hold on to the thought that the more I do it, the easier it will get.

Phew... lots of thinking this through, thank you all!