[precaryous]

Sometimes my T says things to me like,

"Do you know how smart you are?"
"You're smart."
"You're kind."
"There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you."

Yeah? Right.....

Sometimes it feels like she is trying to coax me off a ledge or something.

I feel like she's trying to trick me.

[musinglizzy]

I really believe my T believes what she says. She's probably right, but I have a hard time believing it myself....

[brokenwarrior]

Originally Posted by musinglizzy

I really believe my T believes what she says. She's probably right, but I have a hard time believing it myself....

I would love to believe the positive things people say to me

The thing is if you do not believe you are smart, kind then it's 10 times harder to believe it from someone else .

It's like ... your looking at a mirror but all you see is ugly but to someone else they see you beautiful

[Ad Intra]

When I think about the complements my old T gave me I want to believe them, but I tell myself not to. I wish I could ask her if she was telling the truth.

[JustShakey]

I'm right there with you. Even though I know better most of the time now I still find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop far too often.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[precaryous]

I believe I am kind. Sometimes I say things, meaning to be kind, but it comes off inappropriate or lacking tact.

I don't feel as smart as T seems to think. I have a hx with questionable judgement.

I definitely don't believe her last statement, "There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you." I feel like I am different. I have always felt different. I feel like I must be an alien or a different species of human being. I am socially awkward. I feel I must have Aspberger's...or some syndrome not yet named.

It's not so much the statements she makes...sometimes it's the way she says them.. Maybe it's how I hear them.

Sometimes she sounds like a Police Negotiator saying crap trying to keep a Sui person from jumping off a bridge. Do you guys' Ts ever sound like that?

I believe she cares. I just don't believe the compliments she throws at me.
I think she does the best she can.

[Yearning0723]

I believe that T believes nice things about me. I just don't believe those things myself.

[stopdog]

I think they mess with clients.

[NowhereUSA]

I think my T is sincere.

I also think he's sincerely wrong.

[HazelGirl]

My T says kind things about me sometimes. And it's really hard to believe her. I have come to accept that she believes they are true, but that it doesn't mean that they are actually true.

Originally Posted by precaryous

It's not so much the statements she makes...sometimes it's the way she says them.. Maybe it's how I hear them.

Sometimes she sounds like a Police Negotiator saying crap trying to keep a Sui person from jumping off a bridge. Do you guys' Ts ever sound like that?

I'm allergic to insincere or overly modulated voice tones. I've finally found a therapist that does not do this—she's genuine and real—and I am so relieved I could cry. I didn't think they existed.

That's not to say your therapist is being insincere, just that I know there are those out there that are.

[StressedMess]

It hurts me to read the comments on this thread. I do the same thing and while my brain knows I'm smart and talented and worthy, the little voice in my head is always the loudest with negative thoughts.

Why are all of us so willing to believe that we are not good enough? What does it take for us to stop being so mean to ourselves? I would never say to another person the crap I spew all over myself.

What is it in us that makes it so easy to accept self-abuse and reject the truth?

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by StressedMess

Why are all of us so willing to believe that we are not good enough? What does it take for us to stop being so mean to ourselves? I would never say to another person the crap I spew all over myself.

What is it in us that makes it so easy to accept self-abuse and reject the truth?

I try not to be hard on myself. Sometimes it is hard especially when the evidence is all around me. I think it is protective. The more awful I feel about myself the easier it is to cope with personal failures. It could also be a way to vent frustrations since it is not acceptable to verbal abuse others.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by precaryous

I definitely don't believe her last statement, "There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you." I feel like I am different. I have always felt different. I feel like I must be an alien or a different species of human being. I am socially awkward. I feel I must have Aspberger's...or some syndrome not yet named.

Sometimes my therapist can say things that really make me wonder. I have realized she does this to get me thinking. She once told me there was nothing majorly wrong with the way I think. I didn't agree because of my long history of being isolated from my own species due to my ASD. Eventually I realized the true message in her words. She was trying to get me to see my alien feelings and ways have their place in society.

[Bells129]

Sometimes I wonder if she says kind things to all her patients. Like, you're so intelligent! You're so kind! You're so courageous!

...A bit depressing to think it's just standard for her to dish out complements just to make her patients feel better. I hope that's not the case.

[stopdog]

It is a bit difficult to imagine one of them telling a client "you are an idiotic oaf" or "you are dumb as a box of hammers"

Originally Posted by StressedMess

It hurts me to read the comments on this thread. I do the same thing and while my brain knows I'm smart and talented and worthy, the little voice in my head is always the loudest with negative thoughts.

Why are all of us so willing to believe that we are not good enough? What does it take for us to stop being so mean to ourselves? I would never say to another person the crap I spew all over myself.

What is it in us that makes it so easy to accept self-abuse and reject the truth?

This is just my opinion ... but I think because when someone either you know them or a stranger says a mean thing to you it's a sting feeling , and when someone says a nice thing to you , you feel nothing .

So what would you feel more a positive word or a negative word ?
A sting feeling or nothing ?
For me it's the negative because I feel that sting .

My T does not give me compliments, other than than the occasional opinion based on things I say in the therapy room. I appreciate his sincerity. It would be impossible for me to trust a T who gave me compliments, I think - though I don't actually know since I have only had sincere therapists.

[MrPink182]

I don't remember getting any compliments. I am alright with that. I just want them to do their job.

[Ford Puma]

Sometimes T's do not know what to say so they quote from their memory book.
Its just the way they are. I do not think they mean any harm from saying things like that.

[SnakeCharmer]

We go around forming opinions all the time, especially opinions of other people, even if we're trying to behave non-judgmentally. If we don't form opinions and judgments of the people around us, we're perfect candidates to be mugged in an alley.

Pre, you've formed an opinion about your T. You think or feel she's insincere or might not be insincere because you don't believe the things she says about you.

Why is it hard to accept that she's formed opinions about you -- that you're smart and kind and fundamentally sound (which I think probably refers to your character, not necessarily to your physical or mental health symptoms?)

Maybe she's formed incorrect opinions. Or you've done that. But each of us does it all the time.

I was talking to an old friend recently who had been pursued by a very eligible guy who seemed to be really smitten with her. She was just as smitten herself. Downright giggly. Two days before their scheduled first date, she O.D.ed on her meds and alcohol, did a bunch of drunk dialing, and ended up in the psych ward. She said, "I had to show him I was flawed, you know. It's too much pressure to have someone think highly of you, knowing you're going to disappoint them in the long run."

To me that's almost a parable about the stress people with mental health issues feel when someone acts as if they have a high opinion of them. There seems to be an overpowering impulse to prove that high opinion wrong. That's one of the things therapy can help.

Your discomfort with compliments and your feelings that they can't possibly be sincere would be worth discussing in therapy. I can think of all sorts of reasons why it would feel insincere to many people -- is it manipulation, grooming, false cheer, leading up to some kind of exploitation, or is it just plain ol' b.s.

Or is it really sincere and maybe does it mean that you're a much more okay person than you feel like and then that's a whole other issue to explore.

It's all worth talking about. Vital even. IMO, this disbelief that other people can actually see us as okay and even likable or admirable is one of the things that keeps people with mental health issues isolated and lonely. Very worth working on in therapy.

I wish you the best.

[sidney1771]

Considering as how I spoke at length about compliments from people that I felt were incapable of truly judging me to be as smart as I was, or appreciate the true greatness of the work I did, and how they seemed to be back-handed slaps in the face about my real competence. My therapist doesn't feed me those fluffy, feel-good lines. She knows I find them utterly insulting.