[PaulaS]

Many of us in here have experienced termination and then having to look for a new T. I´m in that position right now and as the termination was against my will and I was left without a proper explanation I´m now mourning my former T and it feels really hard. This is not a question about getting back to her to ask or to contact her again but how to be able to speak to and to evaluate a new T.


In my country, I assume in most cases, you get some “evaluation talks” to see if there´s a match between you and the new T. The problem I have is that I´m so sad because I miss my former T that I find it hard to even speak to a new T. I´ve already experienced me sitting at a potential new T:s office and spending a lot of the session just crying.


Besides that’s a bit embarrassing, it also makes it very hard to really evaluate a new T as a T in this situation naturally doesn´t say or do much as I can´t speak anyway. It´s also more or less inevitable to speak about my former T as that situation has to be talked about and dealt with and it´s very vital to me that a new T will be able to handle a similar situation. I now talk about transference, about me questioning her, not being able to trust her all the time.

I´m also pressured by the fact that I don´t have the money to spend on several evaluation sessions at different T:s where I just end up crying and therefore just bring up a few things of those I really have to ask her.


It´s not a question about waiting as it´s painful just being in this mourning state, I mean I can´t wait for months and months just to be in a less mourning state as the mourning itself isn´t the only thing making me start a new therapy. All my other problems are “at hold” as long as I don´t see a new T.


I went to a T some week ago and in that case I knew I went to her just to get some advice about how to proceed in looking for a new T, she was to give me some contacts, and I therefore was in a less delicate state. I could quite easy keep myself from crying and perhaps it was also because of the T herself. She was very professional (her fee was way to high even when a bit reduced so therapy with her was out of the question from the beginning) and talked on a positive note all the time in a way to give me some reassurance I think.


But now I´m about to meet with another T and I don´t know how to collect myself, to bring me in a state where I can keep calm and just ask her the important things I have to ask her. In a way I think seeing new T unconsciously tells me it´s really “over” with my former T, I leave her for good and perhaps that´s a part of the reason why it´s so hard to even see a new T.


I don´t hesitate about it though but I would want some advice how to make those meetings a bit more bearable and constructive.

[Syra]

BTDT. I know how hard it is. I cried my way through some of the interviews.

Some things I decided

1. I told the new potential t about what happened (the Cliff's note's summary version, not the whole story) and I needed help coping with that. I figured it would probably scare away some people (it did), but better that at the beginning than in the middle of therapy.

2. I told the T I didn't know what would happen with the old T as it had ended unresolved, and I would be honest with potential T, but I wasn't promising not to talk to old T. I might even want support about it.

3. How do they feel about working iwth someone who has an unresolved termination with prior T

4. this isn't a question, but remember to breathe - a lot.