[Petra5ed]

I'm curious from people who have been in therapy for a long time, maybe longer than me... It always seems to happen to me that I react to my therapist after the fact, like after I've gone home and am alone. Do you get better and better at being in the moment and knowing what you're feeling in time? for example, the business relationship comment. During the session my therapist said that I had the rational thought "this is going to hurt later" but I felt nothing, I went home, a day passed, and then I was crying about it. For once I would like to be able to bring something up in real time, vs journaling about it and reading it weeks later, "three weeks ago you wouldn't look at me..." LOL.

Sometimes it feels like I put up an emotional barricade so anything he says I don't feel in the moment, but when I think about it later I will feel it. Of course some things I do feel and I react immediately. I don't know what the difference is. I also feel like I am so deep in thought sometimes I cant even carry a conversation. I feel this way with a lot of people frequently actually not just my therapist.

[TheWell]

It often takes me time to process what is said in therapy. I tend to go home and think about it then need to respond. My therapist allows me to email him if that happens and we talk about it next time.

[guilloche]

Thanks for asking this Petra5ed - I do the same thing. But, I haven't had any real long-term good therapists yet... and I've only been seeing this one since the summer, so I'm still figuring it out too. But it *feels* weird, especially when it ends up being a strong emotion, just not right away!

[Soccer mom]

Were you at my session yesterday???? My T. and I actually discussed this!!!! I told her that I feel like there's a glass wall and I can't get in the moment or feel my feelings. I will sense something is sad but can't feel it. She said I rush through things. I'm task oriented so she said it's like I'm wanting to check off the boxes as I mention things vs sitting with them and feeling them. She said I have all the feelings outside my session, write about them and then when I read them in session I gloss them over. So, she keeps calling me on it when I try to change the subject or won't talk. We just started addressing it so I don't have any advice. Just so freaking weird that you just wrote this!

[nottrustin]

I do this all the time.... sometimes it may happen when just talking about generic things at the end of a session. Last night I couldn't sleep and part of the reason is I woke up thinking about something T said about her Christmas plans. It made me sad... Other times when it happens the emotional impact of what we discussed hits me. In that case I will send an email to her...

[ThisWayOut]

I've been in therapy for a long time, but not ever very long with one therapist. Wonder if this would change over time with one person. There have only been a handful of times I was able to feel "in the moment" as I was talking about things. There are also times my body reacts shootout me being in touch with the emotion. When previous t told me she was leaving the field, tears flowed out my eyes but I couldn't "feel" the sadness behind them (or maybe just couldn't admit to it).
I've worked on this with various t's, but hadn't come to any conclusions or figured out ways to be OK with feelings as I was having them.

[junkDNA]

ive been with T for 4 yrs. i do this a lot. i process what we talk about at home. i text him things that come up or if its longer i email them. i want to work on doing it more in the moment. but something like reacting negatively to something T said/did seems scary to me to do it in the moment.

[Lauliza]

Yes! It's almost like a processing delay- that's how my T referred to it anyway. I've always noticed it but never could describe it and would get so frustrated. I liked the way she articulated it. She was matter of fact as if it were very common. It's especially noticable with anger. I get angry way after the point when it's actually ok to say something. Like you said, it's weird to bring up a month later and the other person has no idea what you're talking about. It frequently happened with my male pdoc (not anger but hurt it other feelings) similar to you and your male T. Could be anxiety due to how much you like him as well?

[sidney1771]

I've been seeing my T for 7 or more years and as time goes by, you get much better at reacting in the moment as opposed to the delayed reactions. I think that is due to two key things. First is familiarity with your T and the comfort you have in your relationship. Second is that in the beginning, you are dealing with a lot of "meat and potato" issues and it takes a while to digest what is said in a short period of time. There are still occasions where I'll need a few days to fully grasp what was said to me, and sometimes that has more to do with the fact that I wasn't as receptive as I could have been at the time.

I absolutely share your query about this being normal and if it goes away...I think it is great that you are experiencing this. It means you are talking about meaningful things and thinking about them after your appointment. Sounds like you are making the most of this experience and I would have to think that your T would be pleased to know your "delayed" responses.

[anilam]

Took me stg around 5yr to get there... But I am a very slow learner, therapy-wise

[justdesserts]

It's hard for me to say things in the moment because if they're negative, I have an irrational fear of disappointing and being rejected by T. It's easier for me to revisit them after a time.

I discussed this with my T too a while ago, she thinks that as my therapy carries on this delay in my feelings may diminish.