Anyone ever received a gift from therapist?

Hello all,

In light of the holiday season, I assume that something on topic is gift giving and receiving, among many others I'm sure. I admit to giving my therapist a gift without asking whether or not she accepted them, to be quite honest, I didn't really care. I was going to give it to her and if she were to deny it, I would probably not return. A test? Yeah, probably, but at least when she accepted it without much hesitation we both got something from it (her, a small token of my appreciation, me, a continued experience of comfort with someone I've grown to trust)

Anyway, I realized that I expected nothing back from her; the idea of her, actually, spending her time and money on me was a touch unsettling, as she's already done so much for me that to want more seems selfish and ungrateful. To my surprise though, she did have something for me in return. A card, I thought, or maybe another letter, but no. It was something bigger that she had obviously spent time, money, and effort on. It is a wonderful gift, perfect to fit our sessions, and well within ethical limitations. I really adore it, and the fact that she would do this for me. I have such appreciation for her in all aspects of our therapy, and I'm glad to have met and connected with her.

Unfortunately, as always happens, I'm starting to feel the attachment bug creeping up on me as I try to keep things in perspective. I think a few stories about what gifts you all have received from your therapists would be most helpful. So... what'd'ya get?

I think it makes much more sense to give a client a gift, since we spend so much money hiring them. Other professionals do it as a way to show appreciation for business. Anyway, the therapist I saw before the current one gave me a book at our last session. I thanked her, but was kind of shocked at how little she understood me. The book was really far off the mark.

I'm glad your therapist gave you something so thoughtful. That's good to hear.

T always sends an email and photo during any holiday.

I dunno if I think it makes more sense being a receiver than a giver in that situation. I understand that therapist are gaining financially from their clients and that in some situations that may be gift enough, but I'm not sure that giving gifts around these times to their clients would be beneficial. In fact, from some things that I've read, it could be hurtful to the therapeutic process. I think that gifts are a lovely way to express something to one another, but I think something that is important is that you're expressing similar things, and taking them in a similar way. For me, receiving this gift from my therapist doesn't make me feel special add though I'm the only client she likes, nor do I feel that she loves me and this is an expression of her undying want to be something more to/for me, but, from what it sounds like, that could be the case for someone suffering with transference. A a therapist, you would have to know and understand your clients struggles to accurately determine whether the action of gift giving was appropriate and helpful.

That is a disappointing situation, that your therapist gave you such a pointless gift. I'm sorry that happened.

What kind of professionals might give their clients a gift? I've never heard of that happening (but I know that the relationships between clients and professionals are very different in different countries.)

She would never give me a holiday gift, and I'm glad, because I'm already so attached and tangled up about this whole relationship anyway that it would probably... in the words of SD, Ack, I don't even want to think about it.

I have a blanket and a journal

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My T didn't give me a Christmas gift but a few weeks ago, he gave me a postcard with a very apt quote on it - on the whole a very small gift, but to me, it meant a huge amount and touched me.

He lent a book to me recently as well, which felt a bit like a gift, even though it's on loan.

I asked him if I could give him a gift and he said instead of a gift he'd really like to receive a card from me, perhaps telling him how far I think we've travelled and where I want to go next etc. - so I put a lot of time and effort into making a card for him, I do papercutting, so I made a papercut card for him, which fulfilled my need to give him a gift and stuck to his guidelines of just a card

A blanket? Is this common, or was it appropriate to your therapy? Not saying it wouldn't be, just I've never heard of that.

It was definitely appropriate in the moment. It wasn't a holiday gift, it's a "transitional object." It was my Ts blanket and she felt that I needed it because I was really struggling between sessions.

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Many I know do this--contractors, printers, real estate agents, businesses that have made good money from your hiring them. I have even done this with some business clients as a thank you. Chocolates and cookie baskets are common.

ETA: I've also known writer friends who get gifts from their agents and publishers. I think that therapy clients tend to think of the therapist as "boss" when it's really the other way around.

I've gotten stuff, but never on holidays. two T's have given me little glass worry stones (one before she went away for her wedding & honeymoon; the other at the termination of therapy). Another previous T gave me a touching card with a small amount of money at our last session to help my wife and I make a cross-country move without involving a very triggering person... I felt weird taking a gift from her but we agreed that it was better than having to spend 3 days in very close quarters with one of my abusers... I highly doubt I would ever accept anything like that from a T again, but at the time it worked.

I have not gotten holiday/birthday gifts from other businesses I frequent, nor people I do business with. I have given gifts, but I never expect anything from them.

He gave me one thing that I didn't give him back but he didn't ask me to give it back. Maybe he forgot it
No gifts, just hug like a gift

I've given my therapist a gift and I always do on Christmas, on his birthday and special occasions. He's never given me a gift for the holidays.

Anyway, he has given me a few small gifts over the years - he let me keep a multicolored plasticine ball as symbol of my resources right before my psychotherapy grad school program admittance interview, gave me his book that he published with a handwritten dedication, sent me an interesting pdf book we discussed (and I liked that it was around my birthday and he offered to send it) and, if I ask, he gives me professional journal articles that I need.

But if I want to feel connected with him, I normally prefer looking at his pictures and texts / emails.

That is nice.

A Therapist who I saw in Junior High got me a baseball card that I wanted (back when I was a big baseball card collector) but she had fairly loose boundaries.

(posted by Lickety Split: I think that therapy clients tend to think of the therapist as "boss" when it's really the other way around.[/quote]

I like that, well put.

True, but I think that's okay. It can be worked through toward some good outcome. I believe it's an issue when therapists start to think that way.

I think this is on the right page. It makes sense to me that clients buy out the therapists time, exchanging money for their professional help and advice. However, I think that if you focus on that portion of the therapy than you lose some of what your trying to get out of it. In my opinion the best work is done in therapy when you can consider yourselves equals, two on a team, instead of one above the other. That obviously goes both ways, the therapist can't feel superior to the client.

My first T sent me hand painted cards for Christmas and birthday which was nice

Yes, I believe in working as a team and being equals on an existential level. I think that there are different roles though. It's important to remember that both are there to help the client get what the client needs. Surely, there needs to be a good relationship in which the therapist can also have basic needs that are met (money, privacy/personal and professional boundaries, etc). Normally, the therapist knows more about therapy and psychology than the client, but I think what's important is for them both to remember that deep down the client knows him/herself better than the therapist does.

I think it's always important to remember that the therapist is working in service of the client, while still being equals as human beings and both having their respective, essential roles in the process.

I always get a gift. Last year she got me the latest Lego Holiday set for my collection. She gives the coolest things. I always get birthday gifts and if she goes out of town, I usually get something. Typically when she shops for her kids, she picks something up for me. Got to admit that it rocks. I do give her Christmas gifts and stuff as well. We've made it a tradition. I know she doesn't do this with all her clients. In my case, I have some abandonment and neglect issues that she tries to reenforce. Besides, how can you not love an adult that still gets a kick out of toys. I'm endearing that way.

My t loves to gives gifts and has given me many of them. Birthday presents, christmas presents. One time we went the market together and she had me show her things I liked so she could get me some of them. She helps my birthday be very special. Sometimes she also gives gifts "just because." I am a big gift giver also and have given her many. She was excited to tell me the other day that she found me some more Christmas presents so I am looking forward to getting them in the mail.

She gave me a teddy bear from her office as a transitional item.

Could someone explain to me exactly what is a transitional object? Do the particular things chosen have a specific meaning to you in therapy, or could they be anything?