[Partless]

Exactly what the title says. Have you found that statement helpful? I've heard that from two of my therapists, one of whom used it several times. Today, as I was thinking about which "tools" to use to deal with some anxieties I had, it got me thinking. The assumption is that if you know the worst that can happen, you realize it's not so bad.

My problem is that I don't think that's the case. I think what I fear is actually quite horrible. My problem is that I can't get an accurate analysis of how likely it is to happen, and secondly, I can't live with the uncertainty, even if the likelihood of that bad thing is 1%. But in reality it's very difficult to estimate likelihood of something happening anyways. All you can say is that's not very likely or that it's likely.

For instance, one of my fears is fear of authority. What's the worst that can happen? I once read about an old legal case, maybe in Florida, where police got into confrontation with some demonstrators and some police were injured, and they ended up capturing somebody by mistake (the guy was just passing by) and since he resisted arrest (for obvious reasons), the police who were angry and thought he was responsible for injuring their coworkers, treated him brutally, took him to prison, interrogated him and later tortured him and sexually and physically assaulted him. So if somebody tells me that when I'm going downtown and minding my own business, what's the worst that can happen? Well....

You probably think that's extremely rare. While that's true about this particular case, these kinds of unexpected things, seen together, happen all the time. Life is not that predictable. Cars crash into homes of sleeping people, healthy people die young, "routine" surgeries or rare viruses lead to death, people's countries get invaded (through no fault of their own), innocent people end up behind bars (I recently read about Innocence Project - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) that tries to help free wrongfully convicted people, some of whom have spent their whole time behind bars for a crime they never committed, just for being the wrong place the wrong time).

What made me think of all this? Well, I was reading the news and I saw Christopher Reeve's son mentioning Robin Williams loved his father very much, and I was reminded of reading the details of his horrific existence after that horse-riding incident. Remember Natasha Richardson, Neeson's wife, who fell while taking beginner ski lessons? She got up, felt fine, then a few hours later got a headache and in a couple of days she died.

I have a friend who goes skiing every week. There are people who climb mountains, who play ice-hockey or football (not worry about concussion), there are doctors who spend their every day being exposed to all kinds of illnesses as they treat others, there are people who go to war, people who stand up to dictators in their countries...every day people take risks. But my point is that there are no guarantees that if you don't do risky things, nothing will happen to you. How about balconies collapsing? Canadian honeymooner Shannon Amy Guy dies in Mexican resort balcony collapse; Ottawa mother in shock, disbelief | CTV News

The worst that can happen in many situations is horrible. You or people close to you can lose parts or functionality of their body, be injured, tortured, become completely helpless and dependent, live in constant fear and horror. Or die.

For me this is my post-trauma world, a world of fragilities and unpredictabilities. But I'm tired of living in this world. I want to learn from people who are aware of the dangers and yet able to go out and live life, not survive, but actually "live" life. I admire them. I envy them. I used to be them. I used to feel so powerful, almost invincible, top of my class in college, sure of my spiritual beliefs, very hopeful towards future. Look at me now...

[SkyscraperMeow]

Honestly, I think people who live life as you want to are simply more focused on the rewards of living than they are concerned about the 'what if'. The problem is that most people don't experience anything really negative, any serious trauma. So for them it's easy just to go 'weeee fun!'

BUT There are also plenty of people who engage in the activities you're talking about who break bones, snap spines, etc, and go right back to doing what they were doing. And I think it's for the reason I stated earlier, because the lure of the joy of the activity outweighs their concerns about it.

How you get from point A (focused on the what if's) to point B (Weeeee!) is not something I can answer, but I am guessing that putting more attention on point B than point A would be a good start.

I don't see a point to someone asking that in general, but I think a therapist might be wanting you to play out a particular decision to its worst conclusion, not just play out any random thing that can happen along the way. One of my fears is that I am living on a sinkhole and will be swallowed up while I'm in bed...or worse, my dog will be swallowed up. That is something totally unrelated to any decision I make. I will have that fear no matter where I live. So, asking a worst case scenario about sleeping is no use.

An example where that kind of questioning might be helpful is in confronting a fear of going on a job interview and playing out the worst case scenario of the interview (not what might happen on the way to the interview, because no one can control those sorts of things). If we don't make choices because of a fear of how that choice will turn out, then it's worth asking that kind of question for a specific use. Usually the worst thing that could happen is pretty survivable.

[WrkNPrgress]

Our couple counselor used the "What's the worst thing... " line of questioning recently.

For us, I think there were a number of reasons:
1) Speak those underlying fears and bring them to the surface so we become more practiced in awareness and "who's driving the bus." (Example: I felt sick because I was afraid of ....)
2) To realize that some of these fears are not rational (e.g., No you probably won't die if you don't pass the exam...) but also...
3) Speaking them out loud relieves some of the burden and pressure of those fears that might actually be possible. Leaving them unspoken lends them a certain kind of power. Speak them, assess them then tackle the fear, or accept the possibilities and then envision the next step.

For example: I have health problems. The fear: I could get sick and/or die. The "worst that could happen is..." a debilitating disease. Yes. That could technically happen. Asking "What's the worst thing..." allows us to approach this fear, bring it to the surface, accept what you can't control and then you can take the next step: Okay then what? Does life end? Yes, or no. If No... I will have some choices and I can take it from there.

I learned a long time ago that the 'worst possible scenario' that could happen — sometimes actually does. My error was not necessarily envisioning it, but obsessing on it and letting the fear of it control my decisions.

I also completely underestimated my own ability to deal with and overcome the things that sometimes do happen.

Most importantly, I was blinding myself to the fact that GOOD things also happen at the same time or sometimes as a direct result of bad situations. E.g., Yes I have that health problem I always feared did happen, but through dealing with it I've reconnected with old friends, found new ones, and built other strengths and found other outlets that I never knew I had.

Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow

Honestly, I think people who live life as you want to are simply more focused on the rewards of living than they are concerned about the 'what if'. The problem is that most people don't experience anything really negative, any serious trauma. So for them it's easy just to go 'weeee fun!'

I just don't think this is true. Most people experience a trauma or the death of a loved one or something really negative. Everyone probably will at some point. It's life.

I wouldn't find that statement helpful either though. I'm not sure anyone has said it to me that many times.

[Ad Intra]

Ya, put two past Ts would ask me that and it would piss me off. I felt like I wasn't being listened to.

[stopdog]

In my opinion, dying is never the worst thing that can happen to a person. It may not be great but it certainly is not the worst. I am not much of a worrier and I know that I can deal with the worst that could happen in most situations even if I don't want to do so. Not fun, but possible.

I don't know that I've ever had it put that way, but I have had to work on not "what iffing" life to death. I'm a worrier by nature, so the constant fears about what the future might hold really took their toll on my physically and emotionally. Having a husband with a serious medical condition though taught me to live a day at a time. I just couldn't spend my life in that kind of anxiety worrying about what might happen down the road. Today is hard enough. I just can't expend more emotional energy beyond what I'm living right now. Staying as much in the present as possible is a much more manageable way to live for me.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Could I survive if my personal fears came to fruition? Yeah. My fears exist because I've already been through it and I want to avoid experiencing it again. I've already thought of the worst. I do my best to take precautions if possible. But I also know they get in the way of me living life. So I work on it in therapy. But the only fears I worry about are the traumas I have already been through.

I'm not afraid of dying. I'm not afraid of random bad things occuring. That's not living.

I was living at a board and care when 9/11 happened. Everyone who lived there was glued to the TV. Most were panicking about if there was a terrorist attack where we were. I didn't panic. Why should I? I mean, if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. There's no real way to prepare. There probably nothing I can do to change the outcome. So I don't worry. Same with many scenarios in life.

T usually says, if the worse were to happen I could deal with it because that's something concrete, an outlet for action. it's the adrenaline wondering what will happen that causes the problem. There's no outlet for it, it just goes round and around.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I often ask myself this and find it most useful: certainly bad things can and do happen, no one can expect a charmed trouble free life, but the anxious anticipation of the worst can be disproportionately crippling.

I find it is worth expending mental energy on exploring what the worst might be, how probable, and how to deal with the anxiety.

I don't think it is necessarily easy of course. The dread often has foundation is bad past events, and asking people to confront the worst that might happen must be done with kindness and care.

I also don't find it useful. I think my previous T asked me that question a few times. It seemed to be designed to invalidate my fears, because the follow-up tended to be "see, that's not so bad!" and that doesn't help at all. My current T invites me to think about what might happen and explain what my fears are, and that is much more helpful.

I agree that dying is not the worst that can happen to a person. I know that I am not equipped to deal with many things that are a far cry away from the worst that could happen, so I take precautions.

[brillskep]

It's true that life is unpredictable. There are a lot of things that one can reasonably fear - but somehow I think life is about trying, taking risks when one feels it's worth it, because like you say, bad things can happen whatever one does or doesn't do. I think it's about not wasting (too many) opportunities and to me, that sounds like a pretty good therapeutic goal for some people - to learn how to enjoy life in spite of all the inherent uncertainty and unpredictability.

As for the question what's the worst that could happen - I find it has helped me put things into perspective. When I'm afraid of doing something, I'm usually afraid of average things and rarely believe a tragic, worst-case scenario will be the result of my actions. Usually the worst I believe could happen as a result of my actions is quite bad but not tragic, and it's not very likely. So I ask myself that to get over fear of new challenges - sometimes what I do works out, sometimes it's not what I hoped for but even then I can take it as something I can learn from.

I think this is a good, effective question for some. It's just important to remember whom you are asking and not become a robot-therapist asking this of all clients. I don't think there's any one-size-fits-all and in the case of some people and issues, I believe it may do more harm than good.

Is therapy sometimes about why what the T says to us feels unhelpful? Some of the things my T says feel unhelpful, maybe exploring why gets to the crux of something?

[feralkittymom]

I think my T would ask you what are all these doomsday scenarios distracting you from?

[boredporcupine]

I think maybe the question isn't necessarily about showing that the worst case scenario isn't so bad. It might be a question to find out what the underlying pattern of fear is (like fear of loss of control, etc.) Or it might be a type of exposure therapy where the fear becomes less powerful by fully experiencing it. Or sometimes it might just be a pointless question, maybe :-P

[Depletion]

I also hate this question, as my mind goes to a place similar to yours partless. I've really only found this question helpful when the fears are low stakes. A T I had a long time ago asked me about this when I was really fearful about a break up that I knew was coming. That was useful because I have horrible abandonment anxiety, but the truth is that the world isn't going to end forever just because of a break up (although if my H died that would be pretty world ending for me, although I would probably still make it out ok after a lot of therapy).

Maybe trying to think about the fact that you have people there to support you if something goes wrong is helpful. I know that I don't have a ton of support in my life, but the people who I do have seem to really care about me a lot. I know that that is the only way that I have made it through all my trauma this far. So maybe if you have to try something hard try to think about how you're support might react if it all goes wrong, and what they might do to help you.

I think there's also a lot of other good advice in this thread. To me trying to remember the reward of something over the danger of it seems like a good place to start.

Having thought about this for a while I think one problem I have with this question is the fact that in a given situation there may be many bad things that might be more or less likely to happen - and even if they are not the worst that could happen, one might have perfectly legitimate fears about them.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I think my T would ask you what are all these doomsday scenarios distracting you from?

Ooooh - the truth. They are distracting us from the frickin truth. Which is even more depressing to contemplate. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

[NowhereUSA]

In DBT it's to get us to consider the most realistic catastrophic situation and then determining how we would cope through it.

mine says that too. i tend to ignore that question as i find it ridiculous, metaphorical and patronising. in fact, thinking about it now, i really hate it.