[watundah]

I have been seeing her for 2 1/2 years, and she advertises herself as an SE professional and trauma expert. Well, I am Queen of the Resistant Clients. I was a selective mute as a child (wouldn't talk), and when I go to therapy, talking about feelings is very difficult for me. I dissociate and detach from emotions, and want to use logic to think my way through everything. I'm sure I challenged her and made her work harder than a lot of clients.

I cannot say that the last few years were a waste of time. I learned a lot. As for change, I'm not so sure. We recently had a chat about the chasm between awareness and change.

Anyway, I fired her because of the following reasons:

1. I felt we had no real path. We had a loose definition of a goal. We never discussed any sort of treatment plan, and one week we would talk about one thing, the next week we would talk about another thing, then maybe throw in some Somatic exercises, then maybe talk about the inner child another week. No focus. I felt like she was throwing pennies in a pool seeing which would make the biggest ripple.

2. She takes a week off about every month, and I travel a great deal as well. I find it difficult to build any momentum when there are constant breaks in our work. She travels a lot for pleasure so I wonder if she would consider herself semi-retired. A sign of lack of commitment to me.

3. When I mentioned quitting to her 6 months ago, she told me that her methods were hypnosis (and said that I am good at doing that to myself), relational therapy, SE, and tonal work, eluding to the fact that that's her menu, that's what she's got. She weakly agreed that she could help me. I was away on a month long vacation in November and thought about quitting. A lot. Upon returning in December, I mentioned twice out of the last three sessions that I was thinking about quitting and giving up. One time she kind of ignored the fact that I said that and the other time she told me that it would be normal to cry in this situation (when I said I wanted to give up) and pointed me to the tissue box. Well, I never cry in therapy. Ever. To me, I saw this as a big red flag, big enough to cover my face! Wouldn't you think a therapist who wanted to work with you would pick up these blatant cues and start a discussion around why I should stay and what will it take to continue our work together? What do I need?

So, I sent her an email yesterday morning. Yes, the coward's way out, but given my quiet self in therapy, it was the best solution for me. I could collect my thoughts and present them in an articulate manner. While I understand that it is the holidays, I am a bit surprised that I haven't received a response. My partner thinks it may take her a while to chew on everything that I said to her - which is pretty much everything that I wrote above.

I felt a bit despondent last night. I did have in my mind that this was my last effort to work with someone. This was my 9th therapist, I'm 55, and while I've worked on ACoA issues years ago, I never put so much time, effort and money into dealing with PTSD or any of the abuse. And I think she was genuine in her want to help me and I like her as a person.

Now I am wondering if I really should try working with someone else. These are slow, time-eating healing processes we are looking at: dissociation, attachment issues are probably my biggest. Did I quit too soon? Maybe she was going slow as to not flood me or overwhelm me. Or maybe she liked $600/month from me. Who knows. It has been so hard for me to open up. I am not sure if I can blame that on her or on myself. I suspect I would have that problem with anyone and don't cherish the idea of starting all over else where, but the fact that she didn't jump on my want to quit kind of makes me think that she didn't want to work with me anymore, anyway.

Any thoughts?

[sideblinded]

Hi watundah

First Welcome to PC! If you want a formal welcome from others as well come on over to the New Member Introductions forum and say hello. It isn't mandatory but others would love to welcome you.

New Member Introductions - Forums at Psych Central

I read your story and I can relate because I have been in therapy as well. I have not been with a therapist as long as many others as I find some that I just don't get much from the discussions. I am your age (57). Have you ever wondered if maybe our age plays into our own therapy? I am currently seeing a young man (LCSW) and he seems rather young to me. I was not impressed with him so I fired him due to reasons that aren't related to yours. Here is where I did something out of character for me. I decided to rehire him and he took me back with open arms. I decided to look at my weaknesses and one of them is not sticking to anything and I decided to go back and try to work with him. So far, it has been a much better experience. I think it is because I am looking at my own shortcomings more than his. I am not saying that you should go back as that is your choice.

I do understand that you felt that you didn't know what she was doing for you so maybe change would be a good idea. I would be up front with whomever you choose and state that you need a goal in working with them. Maybe that would help.

Hope this helps in some small way.

I don't think her not replying straight away (especially at this time of year) is indicative of her not caring. A lot of Ts will respect a client's autonomy and not try to challenge the decision.
I think that it wouldn't hurt to try another therapist to see if another viewpoint can help you differently. There would be nothing to stop you going back to old T if it didn't work out.

[watundah]

Thanks, I do appreciate your responses. I

t may sound silly given my dissatisfaction, but I do feel a sense of loss.

There are 100s of therapists in the area I live. Starting over again with the gaining trust thing, etc. sounds so tedious at the moment. I think I'm going to take some time off.

Hi. I think you are spot on. Your t should at least have tried to talk to you further regarding quitting. It is her job to understand you and work WITH YOU. We all give masses of unconscious cues, which she should be able to pick up on - if she really understands you. I can understand that she may need a bit of time to reflect and respond, but sooner rather than later. If she's happy to let you walk so easily. Then I think it's defo time for you to move on. Good luck & please don't give up. Xxx

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by watundah

Any thoughts?

It's hard for me to comment without knowing all the details, which I think are pretty important, but anyways, I'm going through something similar. Although, I don't want to fire my therapist. Like you I would rather rationalize my way through my problems, but I don't think that works. I think I need to go in there and wail and cry and mourn and be even more vulnerable than I already am, and I cant.

I suppose my questions would be if you asked for her to respond, or if you just told her you quit? She might not respond if you said just the latter... but I dunno.

[watundah]

Thats Jo. Love your avatar!

And that's why I another puzzle eh, Petra? How.to.cry moan wail etc.
I said I was.done. I would like some kind of reply for closure, validation or so long but if I guess if I don't get one there's more proof of the right decision.