[PaulaS]

I post this here as CEN is a common "disorder" which is dealt with in therapy. For a long time I´ve felt there´s something wrong but I didn´t know what was wrong. I was in therapy for a short while and now I´m looking for a new T and I also read a a lot about therapy and psychology.

I began to read about attachment and then also about CEN - Childhood Emotional Neglect. I feel sad as I know CEN is applicable to my life and how I feel. I have a very shallow emotional connection with my parents, I´m an adult now but I can clearly see and feel that they can´t understand me.

They don´t have the intellectual capacity either. I´m not talking of any mental retardation or anything like that but I feel I´m in "another world" sometimes. I feel no support from them and I´m angry with them because I stand very alone although both my parents are alive.

I now have to repair this emotional deficiency in therapy, just because I was unfortunate to have these kind of parents. They think I like spending time with them but I don´t. Many of us in here were born having bad parents I think even if the parents weren´t aware of the harm they caused us.

Anyone with a similar story?

[pbutton]

I have read Running on Empty and follow Jonice Webb's blog. CEN has definitely had an impact on my development. I also do not enjoy spending time with family. Growing up I thought there was something wrong with me, as everyone was supposed to enjoy family time.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

I post this here as CEN is a common "disorder" which is dealt with in therapy. For a long time I´ve felt there´s something wrong but I didn´t know what was wrong. I was in therapy for a short while and now I´m looking for a new T and I also read a a lot about therapy and psychology.

I began to read about attachment and then also about CEN - Childhood Emotional Neglect. I feel sad as I know CEN is applicable to my life and how I feel. I have a very shallow emotional connection with my parents, I´m an adult now but I can clearly see and feel that they can´t understand me.

They don´t have the intellectual capacity either. I´m not talking of any mental retardation or anything like that but I feel I´m in "another world" sometimes. I feel no support from them and I´m angry with them because I stand very alone although both my parents are alive.

I now have to repair this emotional deficiency in therapy, just because I was unfortunate to have these kind of parents. They think I like spending time with them but I don´t. Many of us in here were born having bad parents I think even if the parents weren´t aware of the harm they caused us.

Anyone with a similar story?

I think a lot of people have issues that stem from childhood and parenting. Everyone's style of interacting is so different that one family environment can be fine for one person any messed up for another. In had an experience where some people told me my parents are lucky I still speak to them, but I wasn't ever that angry about it. Serious abuse is another story, but there are parents who just have their own problems and don't umderstand the impact their behavior has on others.

[growlycat]

I feel like my parents and I were/are temperamentally mismatched--- Is it the cuckoo bird or cowbird that lays an egg in another bird's nest? Well, that misfit bird is me.

[guilloche]

Yes, definitely. I've started talking to T a little about it, but... honestly, it's hard to get my head around it. I think that the "Running on Empty" book references this - but it's hard to see what *didn't* happen.

If your parents hadn't become parents you wouldn't be alive. I'm glad you are alive as I have read your posts and they have touched me in a way. My T has said to me about my CEN that I wouldn't be the person I am if they had been different. I don't know how it feels reading that statement, but I found it helpful. It relates to my T's view that all emotion is good (the good and the bad).

I have found 'being believed' about the CEN helpful.

[peaches100]

My t told me that I have significant CEN as well. They way she stated it, "It's not WHAT THEY DID that caused your problems, but what THEY DIDN'T DO."

[JustShakey]

My mother was an emotionally neglected and abused child herself. Then she was seriously ill when I was a baby and believed that she was dying for most of my childhood. She was more of a child than I was and needed more care. So guess who had to provide it...
My paternal grandmother was very similar as far as I can tell, and died quite young, possibly sui, but no one would ever say. My father is very emotionally closed off as a result.
I struggle with believing it's okay to have feelings and to let them be seen.