[guilloche]

[Might trigger: s*x talk.]

A couple of weeks ago, T was asking me questions about guys that I dated in college, trying to fill in some of my past history. This was mostly fine... but I think he may have ended up with a wrong impression, and I'm not sure if I need to go back and correct it. (I'd rather just leave it until it comes up again, because all the s*x stuff is super icky to me, and I'm not at a place where I'm comfortable talking to T about any of it yet. Just no - ick ick ick.)

We talked about first boyfriend, T asked if we had slept together, I quickly said, "Oh god, no. No no no."

We moved on to the second boyfriend, and I explained that we had moved in together after graduation, moved to another state together, moved back here together before breaking up. So, T said, "Oh, so it was more like a real relationship."

Um. I'm guessing that he thinks that means we were sleeping together (we weren't, again, "no no no!").

Is that how you'd interpret his comment? I didn't think that the first relationship was less"real" than the second, but I wasn't in a good place to ask what he meant or dive into it. Is it OK to just let this stand, until we naturally end up talking about it again? All this was like... close to 20 years ago. So a long time ago. Both of these guys have been out of my life for a long time!

I'm embarrassed that I have to ask... but I really don't want to have to dive into this stuff, and I don't see why it's important for T to ask it. It feels icky, and just... yeah, icky. And, now my brain is icked out thinking about all of it...

I don't know about your therapist, but I would assume that if you moved in with him that you were sleeping together. I'm not sure it matters either way, though. It's more about whether it bothers you. There was one time I answered a question and later thought I may have misunderstood the question, so I brought it up first thing the next session where I included it in my list of things to follow up on. I did that one first and moved quickly on to the others.

You could do something like that, only just say that you might have given him the wrong impression about the relationship you had with your first two boyfriends, that while you didn't sleep with either of them, you consider both to have been real relationships. Then move on to the next topic. If he wants to go into it, just say it's no big deal, you just wanted to make sure you were clear, that when you think back on sessions, you hear things differently.

[guilloche]

Thanks LicketySplit, for the interpretation (of us living together) and the help with how to approach it. I appreciate it...

[ThingWithFeathers]

I hate that feeling, feeling as though I have inadvertently mislead someone. I've done it with my t, and when I brought it up next appointment she smiled and said that I wasn't misleading - that it was part of her job to hear what I'm saying and not infere stuff that I haven't said. You can bring it up, if it's playing onyour mind, but ddon't feel you need to. That's what I learned from my experience.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by guilloche

[Might trigger: s*x talk.]

We moved on to the second boyfriend, and I explained that we had moved in together after graduation, moved to another state together, moved back here together before breaking up. So, T said, "Oh, so it was more like a real relationship."

Um. I'm guessing that he thinks that means we were sleeping together (we weren't, again, "no no no!").

Jeesh. I'd just want to ask him... "and exactly how do you define a REAL relationship?"

[Petra5ed]

Call me a slut but I assume sex would be part of a relationship unless you are a virgin or have religious reasons not to. He probably meant that in part, but also living with someone is much more serious than a relationship where you don't... I'm guessing he assumed sex yes, I would assume sex anytime a couple lives together, but Id guess by "more of a real relationship" he was mostly referring to the extra commitment of cohabitation.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by guilloche

[Might trigger: s*x talk.]

A couple of weeks ago, T was asking me questions about guys that I dated in college, trying to fill in some of my past history. This was mostly fine... but I think he may have ended up with a wrong impression, and I'm not sure if I need to go back and correct it. (I'd rather just leave it until it comes up again, because all the s*x stuff is super icky to me, and I'm not at a place where I'm comfortable talking to T about any of it yet. Just no - ick ick ick.)

We talked about first boyfriend, T asked if we had slept together, I quickly said, "Oh god, no. No no no."

We moved on to the second boyfriend, and I explained that we had moved in together after graduation, moved to another state together, moved back here together before breaking up. So, T said, "Oh, so it was more like a real relationship."

Um. I'm guessing that he thinks that means we were sleeping together (we weren't, again, "no no no!").

Is that how you'd interpret his comment? I didn't think that the first relationship was less"real" than the second, but I wasn't in a good place to ask what he meant or dive into it. Is it OK to just let this stand, until we naturally end up talking about it again? All this was like... close to 20 years ago. So a long time ago. Both of these guys have been out of my life for a long time!

I'm embarrassed that I have to ask... but I really don't want to have to dive into this stuff, and I don't see why it's important for T to ask it. It feels icky, and just... yeah, icky. And, now my brain is icked out thinking about all of it...

I would tell him. You are a consumer and this is YOUR therapy. Just like with any other service, if you don't like something or aren't quite comfortable with something, let the provider know about it.

[RedSun]

Yes, I would also assume that a couple co-habiting were sleeping together and it does sound like your t assumed that too. If its important, then maybe try and correct him? It seems important...and to bring up a strong reaction in you, so maybe it needs addressing if you can bear to. Xxx

[SnakeCharmer]

The ick ick ick part is probably way more important than the details of your first boyfriends. The ick factor doesn't sound like fun. I'm not advocating sex for anyone who's not interested, for whatever reason. But getting rid of feeling icky about anything can be emotionally freeing. Maybe that's the part that's worth talking about. Or at least, thinking about talking about when you're ready.

[guilloche]

Thanks everyone... sorry for getting back so late, rough work day today, and I'm exhausted and a little triggered thinking about this stuff.

I'm not sure I can bring it up at this point... especially with everything else going on, and I need to see him at a new office this week (ugh) which is also stressful. I need to think about it some more. I definitely am not in a place where I want to talk too much about it (I want to tell him it's too personal! Am I the only one to tell a T this?). But I might be able to write something short and give him the "data" so that I don't feel like I'm misleading him.

ThingWithFeathers - thanks, yeah, I don't want to feel like I'm misleading him. But it's not something I want to have a long conversation about either. Thanks for the advice.

Crescent Moon - lol - yes, thanks! I want to ask that too. But my T tends to have an awful memory for stuff like this, and I'd bet that he won't remember what he was thinking when he said that. He's very "in the moment" with the things he says, and isn't good at recalling specifics of what triggered him to say something. I need to get better at asking when it's happening, but I'm really bad at that right now. Thanks!

Petra5ed - thanks, and no, I don't think you're a slut at all. Thanks for the perspective.

Ididitmyway - thanks. It's just hard, you know, because it's so personal, and not stuff I'm ready to jump in to. Ugh... *therapy*.

Red75 & SnakeCharmer - thanks for the perspectives, and yeah, it's probably important - but I so don't feel ready to start blabbing about this stuff. It feels too personal, and I don't feel like I'm there yet with T - plus it seems to put me into a not great place, I'm not coping so well with it, and I don't know, I guess I don't trust this T yet with stuff that destabilizes me if that makes sense. Ugh...

*thanks*.