I spent my entire session talking about extended family members I've recently acquired today.
I told Meeting with them over the wkend is filling my head. I caught myself at work actually talking out loud instead of just thinking my thoughts. I couldn't believe if done that. I had to look around to see if anyone may have heard me.
T said they sound from what I've told her, like my mother.
She said it a bit differently to that mentioning the narsistic state.
I emailed her after saying I'm sorry I spent my entire session *****ing about extended family.
T replied saying, but it's not just that is it. Talking about my mother in therapy is one thing, but also trying to live with the aftermath of her and trying to understand it is part of it too.

I can't believe how I still fall into my childhood Role of carrying narcistic people's projections.
I do it every #%^+ time!

[sideblinded]

Hi _Mouse

Nice to meet you. I read your post and I was a little puzzled as how to reply at first. It sounds to me that you are good at thinking things through to a fault. What I mean is ....you are able to reason quite well but your family issues make you stumble and then you feel stumped. I think you are way too hard on yourself. Is there anyway to be more gentle with yourself? You are only human and what you either had to endure at a young age or even now will affect you. I wish you peace and (((hugs)))

Being gentle feels like a tool am missing.
During yesterday's session when I was telling T that I'm aware I am trying to hard to be 'accepted', 'liked' by these particular people. T simply said "what does that mean for you".
Yes a stereotypical question actually one rarely used by T. But this time , that has been going over in my mind and it kinda wakes me up from the unconscious mindset I fall into when I am confronted by people who remind me of my past.
It's like, yeah! Wtf am I so bothered about giving them so much power over me. Until i meet them again than I suspect it will be the same wash cycle on repeat. Or maybe not??????