[Inner_Firefly]

"image removed"

Saw this card in T's office. It made me feel lonely to find out that she is married. I've been crushing on T for the past 8 years.

I should be happy for her but...I am 36 and have never had a relationship. No man likes me.

(((hugs))) I understand. I've been feeling jealous of my Ts other relationships lately and it makes me feel ashamed when I feel that way.

I hope you find someone someday.

[LindaLu]

I don't even know the T but that's a tough image for clients to process, coming into therapy space. And a little surprising actually the space could (should?) be more neutral. I'm sorry Firefly this must hurt a ton.

Jealousy is an age old emotion. Something we just have to accept and know exam endure it.
The reasoning that causes the jealousy is best talked about

[dancinglady]

How do you think your T is going to feel when she knows you have put her family's photo on this website. I think she will be pretty mad.

Is that an actual picture of your T? If so you should take it down, especially as it has her children on it. It is an invasion of her privacy unless she has put it in the public domain herself. How did you even get a copy?

She would not be pleased to know you posted a picture of her and her family, particularly hers children on the internet. Please take it down. Does she know you took this picture?

Just to add though, it is a pretty thoughtless thing to leave around her office in her profession, especially with a slogan like that which could so easily cause hurt and jealousy to her clients (which it clearly has).

I don't know about that. All of my therapists have had lots of pictures of their families all over their offices.

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I don't know about that. All of my therapists have had lots of pictures of their families all over their offices.

Really? That's quite surprising. Both Ts I've seen have had no pictures of their personal life in the therapy space, and I'm quite glad of it.

Yup. So does my pdoc. I've never had a "blank slate" kind of therapist. That would not work for me. They are all family people. T has 4 kids and 5 or 6 grandkids (I've lost count). We're both famiy people, so we talk about our kids a lot actually.

[UnderRugSwept]

I don't think it's that uncommon for Ts to have photos of their families in their offices. It's their space and they spend all day there, so why not personalize it a bit? The Ts I have seen w/children have had photos of their families up...those Ts w/out kids haven't. Even the "blank slate" T had a photo of him and his family in his office (it was the only thing I ever knew about him over the 5 years I saw him).

Inner Firefly, I hope you are able to talk to your T about your feelings.

I have had Ts who do the whole family thing both ways...pictures or no pictures but if the OP saw this T for 8 years without knowing if she was married or had kids then it was pretty thoughtless to leave the picture hanging around office since the T is pretty blank slate.

But even when you know your T is married with kids it can be difficult seeing pictures of the happy perfect family that you are imagining...

Just remember your T is human and her life isn't necessarily the happy perfect thing you may be imagining...

[musinglizzy]

My T has a few pics in her office. I've never really gone over to look at them.... but I've seen them from afar. At my last session though, my T's daughter was sitting out in the waiting room. I hate that I was uncomfortable about that.

[stopdog]

I don't think the ones I see have any photographs. I don't recall any. I haven't really looked.
I don't think any therapist is especially charmed or leads a perfect life, regardless of whether they are married with children or not.
All 4 of the ones I have seen over my life have been divorced at least once and and the 3 with children had various issues with their children (that for some reason they decided to tell me about)

[ThisWayOut]

I think the only time I was bothered was when one of my first t's got pregnant. She had gotten married in the time I was seeing her, but the pregnancy threw me for some reason (to this day, I'm not sure why)... I don't think any of my t's have been a blank slate, but I've also just assumed my t's all have a life outside of work. There's a bit of envy around that life outside work, but having had enough experiences "behind the scenes" in a mental health environment, I know that the fantasy image I may hold of t is likely untrue.

[feralkittymom]

My T had a family photo (kids as teenagers) in his Univ office. While it was on his desk, it was an 8x10 and very visible. I always felt it was deliberate as his clients in that practice were often young college students, many away from home for the first time. I think the message of him as a family man was to help clients feel comfortable. In his private practice office, there were no photos, and his clients were adults.

[Inner_Firefly]

Hi Everyone, Thank you for your sharing, it helps to hear your thoughts. This is not T's actual photo, but a sample stock image from shutterfly.com that looks the same as the card I saw, (with photos of her partner/spouse).

I will read through your responses again and try to work through it. Thank you for your sharing and support.

[AustenFan]

Is that what the original photo said, too? Life is Beautiful?

If so it does seem a bit hurtful and disrespectful to showcase what she has when she knows others may not, and to imply that a 'perfect' family is what makes life beautiful in the first place. Just the picture without the saying wouldn't bother me, but the saying takes it over the top for me.

I highly doubt that she put the photo out thinking "I'm going to rub my family and this sentiment in the faces of my clients" which is sort of what you are saying when you say she was being disrespectful and hurtful -- you imply that her intent was deliberate. More likely, she really loves this picture of her family (getting everyone to sit still all at one time for a good photo doesn't always happen that often), had brought it to work to show co-workers, and set it out in her office to look at. No hurtful or disrespectful intent there at all, nor any hidden message of what a "perfect" family is, etc. She loves HER family and thinks HER life is beautiful. I see absolutely nothing wrong with anyone having love for their family. I see no need for a T to have to hide their love for their family from a client.

Edit to add: I find it odd that the OP has been with this T for 8 years and didn't even know she was married. I might suggest to the OP to mention this new information and how it affected her to her therapist. Time to have that discussion.

[UnderRugSwept]

Originally Posted by AustenFan

Is that what the original photo said, too? Life is Beautiful?

If so it does seem a bit hurtful and disrespectful to showcase what she has when she knows others may not, and to imply that a 'perfect' family is what makes life beautiful in the first place. Just the picture without the saying wouldn't bother me, but the saying takes it over the top for me.

That is the name of the card.

Life Is Beautiful Collage 3/4 Fold Card | Holiday Cards | Shutterfly

[AustenFan]

Okay, thanks, I was clearly confused. I thought this was a framed photo put out there for all to see. Now I realize it was a small greeting card that was probably placed on her desk? Or on a bulletin board above her desk? That changes things for me. I don't think it was disrespectful or hurtful or wrong or anything like that. She merely brought her holiday card in so she could look at it whenever she wanted. I would think you'd have to get pretty close to it to read it and see the small, individual pictures, so I don't think it was meant for clients to see, but just a small memento from home for the T. I'm sorry it hurt the OP though; I can see how learning she is married and has children and thinks her life is beautiful could really throw the OP for a loop, it coming all at once.

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by AustenFan

Okay, thanks, I was clearly confused. I thought this was a framed photo put out there for all to see. Now I realize it was a small greeting card that was probably placed on her desk? Or on a bulletin board above her desk? That changes things for me. I don't think it was disrespectful or hurtful or wrong or anything like that. She merely brought her holiday card in so she could look at it whenever she wanted. I would think you'd have to get pretty close to it to read it and see the small, individual pictures, so I don't think it was meant for clients to see, but just a small memento from home for the T. I'm sorry it hurt the OP though; I can see how learning she is married and has children and thinks her life is beautiful could really throw the OP for a loop, it coming all at once.

Thank you again, everyone, I am very thankful for your responses.
AustenFan, thank you for your perspective. It was a card displayed in the centre of a shelf. You are right, it was probably only for her to enjoy looking at. It's just that T has been refusing to tell me whether she was married, all these years.
Seeing this card was a shock especially with my own feelings of being unwanted.

Her children must be a lot older than what was in that picture? Otherwise, I'm hoping you would have noticed her being pregnant at some point during these 8 years. Also, know that those pictures seldom reflect reality. That's not to dismiss your main issue, which is finding out she's married and having to let go of the illusion. Will you be able to talk to her about this?

[Inner_Firefly]

Originally Posted by licketysplit

Her children must be a lot older than what was in that picture? Otherwise, I'm hoping you would have noticed her being pregnant at some point during these 8 years. Also, know that those pictures seldom reflect reality. That's not to dismiss your main issue, which is finding out she's married and having to let go of the illusion. Will you be able to talk to her about this?

Thank you Elsewhere for your support.
Thank you Lickety, I will probably have to bring it up next time, though I don't want her to know I am jealous. I feel rude, I should be happy for her. These are not her actual family members, it's only a stock image from the same card company. Her card has the same layout and words.