[Seeking_Peace]

I know every T is different but after reading so many posts about physical touch, I'm curious about what all of your experienced during your very first session with a T. Especially if the T does not have any info. on you (ie. you have never been in therapy so there is no previous file/diagnosis). I assume there is a handshake when you meet then in the beginning.....but were any of you given hugs at the first session? Did you shake hands when leaving too and was that initiated by the T?

The T I'm meeting next week has his cell phone listed on his website for emergencies. Have any of you found a correlation between a T openly sharing their cell phone and being open to hugs/handshakes/pats on the back etc.?

[SoupDragon]

In 5 years I have never touched my T and he has never touched me - not even a handshake, I'd find that too difficult.

Good luck with your session

I shook hands hello and goodbye at the first session. That felt like more than enough.

I've never had one that gave out her cell phone number. The one I see now checks messages everyday, but can't guarantee being there for an emergency, so it's the usual 9-1-1, crisis line for back-up.

[catonyx]

With my first T, we shook hands at the end of the first session and each one after that. I have yet to see my new one, but I assume it will be the same.

No cell phone number.

[justdesserts]

We shake hands at the beginning and end of every session; however that is very culturally normal for where I live. I shake hands with all of my doctors. I didn't get my therapist's cell phone until almost a year into therapy, but a previous therapist used hers a her business phone, but didn't really check for emergency calls on it.

Very rarely do we hug and I've seen him for 10 years. We also do not correspond by email. I've never had a therapist who gave out his email or did texting. I have had a T who regularly gave a hug at the end of each session, but that was many years ago before email was even a thing. I suspect when email did come along, he did not encourage use of it with his clients.

My current T is easily accessible via regular phone if I need him, but I only call in a crisis. I prefer that kind of contact, but I'm an old fart and wasn't reared on technology.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I have never shaken my T's or Pdoc's hand.

I told T first visit hugs were a must. I didn't feel comfortable enough to ask for one till a few months later. It took me a year to ask Pdoc if hugs were okay.

I never had a T who allowed me to call or email. Then again, last T I had was 14 years ago and it wasn't common back then. But all my Ts have allowed hugs. I won't stay if they don't. But hugs have a practical aspect, as well as, an emotional aspect. I judge if the relationship is okay via hugs. To can tell a lot by how someone hugs.

...current T does allow me to call and email. Her number os also google voice.

[Middlemarcher]

My T does not do touch. We have never shaken hands or anything else.

I have my T's number, but it is a Google Voice number. I assume that she sets it up to ring her cell phone at some times and not at others.

[nottrustin]

I think we shook hands at the end of the first session but I am not positive though. After a while she started to give me a hug at each session. Initially I had her home phone number as that also her business number. Now I have her home number and cell phone. I have used her cell one. I usually email her.

[stopdog]

The first one I see shook my hand at the first appointment - at the beginning and at the end. I thought twice was excessive. Then I had to simply tell her no to get her to stop at subsequent appointments.

The second one was not so presumptuous and we have never touched that I can recall.

[Ellahmae]

We do not touch. Once she asked if she could touch my hand (just the back & lightly) to see how bad and where my shaking was coming from.

[gayleggg]

I've never had one hug me on the first meeting and we only shook hands when me met. After that it is just hello and goodbye. I've seen probably 6 all together.

My last counselor did get to where she would hug me after asking if it was okay, but that was after we had been seeing each other for a while. And she did give me her cell number after a while.

My current counselor is a male and I don't see me becoming open to hugging him. I have had trouble with sex addiction in the past and don't feel it would be appropriate or helpful for us to hug. The T I'm seeing now has not given me a cell number (unless it is the same as his appointment number, which it could be) or and email address. And I don't want to become too dependent on him so I would never contact him except to change an appointment or an emergency.

[musinglizzy]

I'm new to therapy, and stayed with the first one I checked out. All of our communication was by Email, I never saw her or even heard her voice prior to my first session. She initially told me her practice was pretty full, and would I consider seeing her male colleague. I said no (planning to look elsewhere), I knew I wanted a woman for this. She Emailed me back saying it may take her some time, but she'll try to find a spot for me. It took a couple weeks, she Emailed me with some possibilities, but they didn't work out. Then she had a regular opening come up.... so wait another two weeks for that to be open. I think it was worth the wait. She really juggled things around in trying to find a place for me, and she didn't forget about me, she contacted me when she came up with something (I didn't nag her). So after all of that, I was very appreciative. We exchanged some "getting to know you" Emails back and forth, and I just waited for my first session. That session, as nervous as I was, went so well....I just had a good feeling about her, she made that very scary, nerve wrecking session go well. Considering I almost left before my session even started.

She shook my hand at the beginning of my session, and it wasn't planned, but at the end, I said goodbye and was walking past her to leave, I stopped and hugged her. I was pretty surprised I did that....completely out of character for me. But I was relieved the session was totally painless, and was thankful for the effort she made in getting me into her schedule. I initiated that first hug.... but she has hugged me after every session since then. She initiates them.

[callisto711]

I've never touched my T. I am not big on physical contact at all, but I do occasionally get a very strong urge to hug someone, no one in particular. I think I would feel a bit odd if my T were to fill that void for me. My feelings for her are an odd combination of mental health professional and friend, but mostly mental health professional and I don't frequently touch my healthcare providers.

[TheWell]

I shook mt T's hand when I had my first appointment and said hello. I believe I might have shaken it at the end of that first appointment. It would be weird if a T hugged me the first day I met them.

My individual T doesn't give out a cell. My group T gave me his work cell number after about 2 1/2 years when I asked for it. He made me give him a good reason.
My group T will hug me now, but it took a couple years to get there. My individual T has never hugged me. He's never offered so I haven't asked.

[HowDoYouFeelMeow?]

With my current T, we shook hands at the beginning and end of our first session. After a couple months, she asked if she could hug me. I had told her previously that I love hugs. Now we hug after every session. With my first T, I don't remember the first session at all. I guess I was too messed up. I have a big blank spot in my memory during that time period. After a few months, we hugged after most sessions. First T allowed emails but didn't give out her cell # and current T allows limited text messages to her cell phone but doesn't do email.

With last pDoc, she did not do hugs. After 5+ years of work, on our last session she gave me a hug in the hallway with other people around. That was probably only because I asked for one since my friend saw the same pDoc and got a hug at her last session. I think that pDoc was paranoid.

I hope to give my current pDoc a hug someday. We shake hands at the end of our sessions and they are very caring handshakes.

[BonnieJean]

First session ended with a hand shake. That lasted a few months. Then sessions ended with a hug. Now, for the better part of a year just leave without touch - my choice.

[musinglizzy]

I forgot to mention the phone #. Yes, I have her cell #, only because she initiated cell phone contact by sending me a text. I have not called her on it, nor do I intend to, but we do text occasionally. I have to admit, I like knowing I have it should a crisis arise in my life.

[angelene]

My current T surprised me with a hug at the end of our first session. I was taken aback because I didn't know how many people were out there hugging, emailing and texting with their Ts. My view is more like callisto711's: I don't touch other health providers, either.
But I didn't mind the hug and if she does so again in the future, I'd be okay with it.

We shook hands in greeting at my first appointment, and hugged a year later at the end of my last in-person appointment before she moved. We've been doing phone sessions since she moved and I email her stuff I want to talk about before we talk (dreams, whatever). I text usually just for scheduling purposes.

[clairelisbeth]

I met my T in an outpatient eating disorder program (she was my T there and she started seeing me in her private practice after I left the day treatment. I think we probably shook hands when when we first met, but I honestly don't remember. We've never hugged, but I've also never asked for a hug.

I have both her phone number and her email and can text/email/call as much as I want to.

I don't remember if I shook hands with my pdoc when we met. She's not very touchy, but has put her hand on my shoulder a few times, held my hand once for a few seconds and had to take my pulse once when I had a reaction to medication. (By not touchy I meant she's never hugged me, but I've also never asked for a hug. I think she probably would hug me if I asked though).

I also have her phone number and email and can contact her whenever I want to.

So no, I don't necessarily think there is a correlation.

Are one or both of those things important to you? (Touch and Email/Phone?) I was just wondering, because touch isn't super important to me, but outside contact is very important. I think it depends on the person.

[Seeking_Peace]

Originally Posted by clairelisbeth

Are one or both of those things important to you? (Touch and Email/Phone?) I was just wondering, because touch isn't super important to me, but outside contact is very important. I think it depends on the person.

I'm not sure because this is my first time starting therapy. Its just something I've found very interesting based on all the various threads I saw here.

I don't think I could be comfortable with a T who is like a robot (ie. no personal disclosures at all, no hug/handshake, no opportunity for outside contact etc.). I need to feel like I'm talking to a real person in order to feel a connection. I do have attachment/transference issues with people who are nice/compassionate to me so I need to keep these "extras" to a minimum. The T I'm meeting next week seems down to earth based on what I read on his site, and I like that he's so open with sharing his cell phone (like it's on his site with a note saying clients can call in crisis). I guess I'll find out soon enough....

[clairelisbeth]

I can really relate to that. Best of luck!! I hope it goes well!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[musinglizzy]

Originally Posted by angelene

My current T surprised me with a hug at the end of our first session. I was taken aback because I didn't know how many people were out there hugging, emailing and texting with their Ts. My view is more like callisto711's: I don't touch other health providers, either.
But I didn't mind the hug and if she does so again in the future, I'd be okay with it.

I hug my doctor. I've hugged my physical therapist. My chiro hugs me. So I guess I'm an equal opportunity hugger.... but these great people and I have been through a lot together. It's strange, I could burst into tears in my doctors office, yet it took months for my T to get me to crack.

[guilloche]

Interesting... my current T did shake my hand at the end of my first session, as I was walking out the door. I'm trying to remember, but I'm not sure how many of my previous Ts did that. I'm sure some did, but it wasn't very memorable. This T was memorable, because he had really good energy, and a nice handshake that felt very caring, and he didn't squeeze my hand into oblivion (like some males that I meet through work!) I get hurt easily, so I was happy that he wasn't the "I'm going to overpower you and crush you with my handshake!" type of guy!

But, since that first meeting, no more handshakes, and definitely no hugs. I think it would overwhelm me, so I'm glad. I haven't really asked him about it though... and in the my non-T-life, I'm actually pretty "huggy", so I don't know if it will become important at some point. I can't quite wrap my head around that far ahead in therapy!