[PaulaS]

I know some people try to find a T who´s gone through similar difficulties in life and perhaps they also look for a T with a similar marital status, perhaps it´s important the T having children and a partner or the opposite, it´s important the T hasn´t got children and that he/she is single. (The conditions can change of course)

For some it´s important where the practise is situated, some people like seeing T:s with expensive and modern practises, and some rather like a T with a practise in a more neutral environment, perhaps in a hospital.

Do you think about this matters when you choosed your T or if you´re about to choose a T? Does your T:s social and marital status matter to you?

[gloamingone]

I honestly have never thought much about any of that. The mental health care system in New Mexico is so broken I'm grateful to get anyone! If I had more of a choice, though, I would prefer someone at least my age or older (I'm 40). Not that younger T's haven't been helpful--it just seems like someone counseling me should have at least as much life experience as I do.

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[Creamsickle]

I did not vote because, it matters to me that I want to know but it would not necessarily sway me to leave or stay. I merely want to know where they are coming from so that I can evaluate any advice/suggestions made by t. I tend to be analytical in nature and question everything.

I like Gloamingone's response and agree that one's life experience may be a significant factor in how I relate to T.

I didn't vote either as none of the options applied to me, it doesn't matter what her social status is but I might like to know, not entirely sure.

[nervous puppy]

the only things that matter to me are: a female who is at least 40 yrs old and at least 10 or more years of experience in the field.
Marital Status? Don't care.
Social Status? Don't care.

Not one bit.

[JaneTennison1]

I don't really fit on the poll. Her marital and social status don't matter a single bit to me but it's not because I want to know as little as possible. I don't mind we have discussed other aspects of her life.

[Seeking_Peace]

No, social/marital status was not a factor when I was looking for a T. This does not mean that I want T to be a blank slate. This just did not matter.

The things that mattered were gender (I wanted a guy), years of experience, and their specialty.

His marital status doesn't matter to me, but it matters that he doesn't tell me about it. I do not want to know. As for social status, the way you apparently mean it, it doesn't matter in terms of status what kind of office it is, but I am of course very grateful to be seeing a therapist who is paid by the system so I can get therapy for free. I wouldn't like to go to a hospital or other clinical setting, though. I don't think I would see a T who did not have a regular office, because a hospital environment would feel insecure. I have seen one T who was part of a larger practice, but it feels better to have a T with his own private (albeit publicly funded) practice, with no other staff who could potentially get access to my information. But that's a security thing, not a status thing.

What does matter is experience, and gender. Even though I don't belive in inherent gender differences, I find it easier to work with a male therapist.

[Nammu]

I just want to know the basics so I can bring it up if I feel they aren't understanding where I am coming from. I don't want a happily married T that believes what I need to be happy is a life partner or a T who has no understanding of what is is like to live below poverty level.

They don't have to have lived the impoveraged life, just be able to understand that there are things I can not do because I lack money. When I hear a funny noise in my car I can't just tootle off to a garage and get it checked, I need to plan for that and decide what I can do without so I can get it checked out.

[Ford Puma]

At first not really. Nowadays I'm a bit jealous sure. Dont know how I will feel in years ahead. I know I will not forget T that is for sure.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I didn't vote either because none of the options fit for me.

I don't care what my T's social or martial status is. It doesn't make a difference. I do know though. It's not a secret or anything. And I do like knowing things about my T, but none of has an affect on our relationship.

When I was younger and single, marital/family status didn't matter to me, but I think it really does now. I appreciate that my therapist is a family man. He's divorced, so he has that marital relational experience. He has kids and grandkids, so he and I have that common experience and I know he completely "gets" that aspect of my life. I know if I had to look for a new therapist in the future age, gender, and marital/family status would be a factor in my decision. I'm just at a point in my life that talking to a 30-something, single, non-parent probably wouldn't work for me. I have no idea what you mean by social status though.

[stopdog]

Married or single, children or no children does not matter to me at all unless the therapist tried to tell me about their children for some reason - then I would balk. I do not care one way or the other about the concept of family. I would not see a thirty something for anything. I look for therapists who are my age or older.

[ThisWayOut]

it doesn't matter to me, but I may be interested in the respect of making t seem more "human", especially if there's a lot of transference going on. I actually prefer to know very little about a t's personal details or beliefs. Yeah, tell me if you have or like pets, let's chat a bit about music tastes or art, but whether a t is married, or their social status doesn't really matter... wait, no. maybe social status does matter in that I would not want a snotty, rich, flaunting-how-much-better-off-i-am-than-you kinda t. I would feel awkward in an austentatious office (though again this has lots to do with my past and transference that would come up).
oh, and I guess I would want to know if t is getting married so I can congratulate her.

[musinglizzy]

Stopdog, THANK YOU.
I'm glad to know some things about my T, but wish she wouldn't talk about her daughter so much. I feel like it hinders my therapy. (hence my post about kids in the waiting room...her teenage daughter was in there for my last session)

As far as the original question, nope, didn't care when I was T shopping. I knew I wanted a woman who was my age or older, and hopefully convenient for driving to. That's it. I guess with having issues in my marriage, having someone who's been divorced herself is helpful (she has been), but it wasn't a question or a thought in the beginning. She wrote a book, and I read it, and knew from that that she was married, and had a daughter, but I didn't know until she was getting married last summer that she was divorced and Remarrying. All I knew is I hoped for a T who'd been in the profession a long time (20+years for her) so a very young T was not in the plan for me. Of course I didn't ask her age or anything...lol

I didn't vote either because none of the options fit for me. Marital or social status isn't something that plays into my picking a therapist. It isn't because I don't want to know anything about him/her, but I do admit that I don't ask questions about a therapist's personal life. I'm really not interested in what goes on in their life outside the office. I'm not bothered by hearing something about their personal life if he/she chooses to share, but too much information does bug me if it doesn't apply to what I'm trying to work on. I figure if they have a need to do a lot of sharing, he/she needs to pay their own therapist for that privilege

I do admit, however, that age/maturity is a BIG factor for me when looking for a therapist. I don't want to go to someone who has no idea about the life issues I'm facing as a mature adult. I think of myself at 25 to 35 and I was clueless as to what life would bring later in life. I couldn't even imagine the issues a mature adult would be dealing with. I look for someone with gray in their hair and a bit of living in their face!

[Xenon]

Wasn't a factor in selecting a therapist, and I wouldn't come out and ask about anything like that. I do like to imagine she doesn't have children, though. If she does, I wouldn't want to know.

[JustShakey]

I'd prefer my T to be married or divorced with a family, simply because I would feel like we could relate. As to social status, the only thing I'd care about is education, and that's a given, being that they've gone to school to be a T in the first place...

Well, if it's about other things not related to marital status, then yes: age (min 50 yrs) and gender (f).

[KayDubs]

Whether or not my T is married is not as important to me as his/her age. I much prefer working with someone who's at least 10 years older than me. I briefly met with a T a few years ago who was actually a year younger than me, and it was just too weird talking to her about issues that I thought (at the time) I should have had resolved by that age. I also prefer working with female therapists.

[Petra5ed]

I said yes it matters, but I think it would only matter for me in long term therapy where I grew attached to my therapist. For me personally, I think it would seem insulting to not know basic facts about the person I am coughing up all my secrets to, and I would see no professional reason... for example I know my dentist is married and has kids. I don't think I would enjoy working with a blank slate. It wouldn't matter to me if they were married or single, had kids or not, what would matter more was that they wouldn't tell me.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I didn't vote either as none of the options applied to me, it doesn't matter what her social status is but I might like to know, not entirely sure.

I didn't feel that any of the options applied to me either plus I wasn't exactly sure what you meant by social status. I don't think I'd feel comfortable with a T who was such a blank slate that I knew nothing about them at all. However, the particulars of their social or marital situations would probably not influence me one way or the other too much.

I care to know whether my T is married or has kids, for example, because I think it's basic information that allows me to see them as a person. But I wouldn't be more or less inclined to choose a T based on their marital status.

[WrkNPrgress]

I didn't make any presumptions about my T other than she was probably straight. I didn't really care one way or the other. She had referenced a daughter, and implied that she might have been divorced or separated at one point. I never noticed a wedding ring but that doesn't mean she wasn't partnered with someone.

Then I saw her out one day with a young girl and an old woman So I thought, Single Mom.
But I think this may be my own transference because I was raised by a single mom. Funny how that works.

I assume she's with someone because she has used the royal "We" when referring to family activities.

[PaulaS]

This is an interesting viewpoint. I wouldn´t ask a T on a first or second meeting if she is married or not or if she has kids, in what area she lives and so on but to me it would also feel awkward if a T never told anything about herself after some sessions.

I wouldn´t choose another T if I got to know certain facts about marital or social status but it though matter to me. It seems it doesn´t to most of you who have written a comment to this post. For me I think I can be more open and honest with a T who´s more like me, a T with a large family, being married to the same guy all her life and so on, I would find such things a bit hard to deal with.

That´s because I don´t have children and don´t want to, I live by my own even if I want a relationship some time in the future. A T who lives on her own, even if most people have had some relationships in the past, makes me feel more connected.

Does this make any sense to you who read my post?

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

I said yes it matters, but I think it would only matter for me in long term therapy where I grew attached to my therapist. For me personally, I think it would seem insulting to not know basic facts about the person I am coughing up all my secrets to, and I would see no professional reason... for example I know my dentist is married and has kids. I don't think I would enjoy working with a blank slate. It wouldn't matter to me if they were married or single, had kids or not, what would matter more was that they wouldn't tell me.