[WhoaPlease]

I just had to vent, don't know where else to do it. I haven't said much to my t about it yet.

I really hate how dependent I am on others. I'm middle aged, married, a mother, but I am just SO dependent on my close friends, my t, it could just about drive me to tears. I've been in therapy almost a year, and have only found it just added one more person to the list.

I am just so alone/lonely in my own life, I feel guilty saying it, but it's true. I've suffered from depression my whole life, but it seems my neediness only makes it worse. I try very hard not to appear needy to others, and think I succeed at it for the most part. But deep inside, I'm falling apart, longing for that close friendship bond, having people who understand me inside and out.

Needy. That's what I am. And I just HATE it. I am so easily disappointed, I just feel so alone all the time. I like my t, but find myself feeling needy towards her. I don't have many friends because I choose not to get close to many people, but the few I do have, I miss them all the time.

WHY? Because I didn't have a mother who gave a crap about me? Why can't things just be "good enough" the way they are? I have a great small group of friends. But sometimes, too, I alienate myself when I need them most. I'm having a bad night. I'd have liked to call someone and just chat, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. so that part I bring on myself.

I can identify with feeling needy. I'm finding therapy is helping with this, talking about things I've always kept to myself makes me feel less alone. Is your T the right person for you?

[CantExplain]

The more people you are dependent on, the more independent you are.

[Suraya]

I don't have any wise words of advice for you, but I could have written your post nearly word for word. You are not alone.

[musinglizzy]

Me too.

Can't Explain.... wow.... how does that work? Interesting thought.

[StillIRise]

I hate the neediness within me too. It has the effect of making me hate myself and therefore want to push people away... because if I hate myself, then why wouldn't it eventually be the same for them?

I'm feeling it so badly with my T recently, I want to just withdraw.

[Restin]

Whoaplease, it might be a bit late to say so, but I hope your T's method of therapy is Dynamic Relationship Therapy. It is a common modern treatment for dependency issues. They encourage the dependency and deep transference, and allow you explore and feel all your inner child concerns from way back. The little girl inside you is crying for you to be her friend and for T also to help her. You receive healing within transference. It isn't for you to "get over" dependency on the therapist, but to allow it in all it's depth until the loneliness and pain develops into more strength.
I know these things because I'm going through it in therapy, too, and am learning not to feel hate and shame for it. I also read a lot on-line and buy books on Attachment problems and Transference. I'm sure your therapist knows about these things and hopefully is trained to help with them.

With time that will change.