Or anyone you are in a relationship with.

My therapist told me I was starting to "push him away". I also noticed people talking about it here. I have some ideas, but I'm not sure what it really means so I'd appreciate hearing others' perspectives

[Inner_Firefly]

I'm not sure, perhaps it means to put up emotional walls so others cannot get to know us? It could be because we are scared of getting hurt and feeling vulnerable, if people get closer.

There are lots of ways to push someone away. Not return phone calls after you've indicated you're in distress. Give them the silent treatment. Withhold how you really feel. Be unresponsive when someone is trying to understand what's going on with you or is offering support. If asked how you're feeling, and you feel like crap, you shrug and say you're fine, when you both know you're not. Give one word answers when you used to go into detail. Argue when someone is trying to help.

Those are a few ways I can think of. It's individual to the person, and a lot of it is subtle signals we give off.

[Petra5ed]

For me doing or saying things that make it harder to emotionally connect with a person = pushing them away. I would think things like, not making eye contact, not smiling, changing the topic, not accepting a hug when you normally do... anything to prevent emotionally closeness and relating. It could be a subtle collection of a lot of small behavior changes, or it could be very obvious like with the refusing to hug example (assuming hugs are normal.)

I'm glad I asked because I thought it was the opposite. I thought my neediness and wanting to be closer to him made him want to get away from me--ignore me, be mean to me, etc.

I'll be discussing this with him. I'm feeling confused about this.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by mian síoraí

I'm glad I asked because I thought it was the opposite. I thought my neediness and wanting to be closer to him made him want to get away from me--ignore me, be mean to me, etc.

I'll be discussing this with him. I'm feeling confused about this.

Well, I think being overly needy can push people away... Sometimes if you're overly fearful and insecure or too clingy and kind of suffocating that makes people want to get away. My mom for example is very suffocating, calling me sometimes 10 times a day to the point I no longer answer her calls. There's something about being too needy, I guess where you feel like you can't meet the needy persons needs making you just want to get away vs bother to try.

I found this How to Stop Pushing People Away | eHow

Originally Posted by Petra5ed

Well, I think being overly needy can push people away... Sometimes if you're overly fearful and insecure or too clingy and kind of suffocating that makes people want to get away. My mom for example is very suffocating, calling me sometimes 10 times a day to the point I no longer answer her calls. There's something about being too needy, I guess where you feel like you can't meet the needy persons needs making you just want to get away vs bother to try.

I found this How to Stop Pushing People Away | eHow

Thanks, that was my initial thought. I feel smothered by people sometimes too and know how it feels to have someone always clinging on to you. I try to not over do this with T in fear that he will go away, sometimes trying to hide my needs so he doesn't feel overwhelmed. I am always scared that he resents me like my mother did. He did tell me numerous times that my feelings weren't too much for him. I know people have their limitations, but it seems like my clinginess and other potential 'smothery-ness' has been on the decline. Although my insecurity has been consistent, which was something he mentioned and actually confronted me with when he said this about pushing him away.

Learn to accept love. Low self esteem will rob you of a feeling of deserving love. If you feel as though you don't deserve the people in your life, you may be inadvertently pushing them away because of it. Stop pushing people away by looking at them and telling yourself that they are good people and that you deserve to have their love.
Read more : How to Stop Pushing People Away | eHow

That quote spoke to me. I don't understand though--right before this happened, I felt like I was finally starting to take in his care, just starting to feel accepted by him.

He's been mentioning needing to work on my anger; sometimes I think he intentionally provoked me so that anger can surface. Does that sound unreasonable? This ties with the insecurity which he confronted.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I don't think Ts intentionally provoke clients. Maybe some do? I never had one that does.

I used to wonder if my T's goal was to make me cry. It wasn't. But the fact that I thought that was me trying to make her responsible for my emotions. It allowed me to blame her for my pain. But she didn't cause me any pain...my past and experiences are what caused me the pain.

Testing is something I used to do a lot. I still do sometimes. You don't recognize that you're doing it until someone brings it to you attention. Testing is a form of manipulation. It's a way to get reassurance. But it's a passive-aggressive way. It can be seen as a trap because if the person doesn't "pass" the test, then you will push them away. Testing usually is very common with people who push others away.

I also push people away. I get scared of being too needy, to dependent. I'm afraid of people abandoning me or rejecting me. So I push them away to try to avoid getting hurt. But it winds up hurting both myself and the other person. Licketysplit and Petra5ed did a great job of describing what "pushing away" looks like.